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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting dogs

117 replies

chockaholic72 · 26/12/2017 15:49

I've got family visiting for the day for the first time over Christmas, and between them they have three dogs, which they've assumed they are able to bring. I don't mind this - the carpet is going to be cleaned after Christmas, and they have done a lot for me over the past few years, and to them, dogs are part of their family.

I've got a fair bit of new furniture, and have asked that they don't let the dogs on the new sofas. They've agreed to this but it it's obvious that they think I am being unreasonable. My niece told me that there has been a fair bit of discussion about it on the phone, and one family member said that she'll bring throws to put on the sofas so it should be fine.

It isn't fine. I don't want the dogs on the furniture. I'll keep the doors shut upstairs, so they can go anywhere else in the house and garden. The dogs are spoilt, and pandered to, and although I don't agree with it, that's their choice. But, my house, my rules, and I wish they would respect that. Am I being unreasonable? If I say the dogs can't come then they probably won't come either, and as they've done a lot for me, including having me every Christmas Day (my parents are dead), I would like to give them a nice day and nice meal to say thank you.

OP posts:
ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 18:49

My GPs dog has never been allowed on the sofas at home. However, when we take her to other family, they let her on their sofas. Fortunately, it seems we have an intelligent dog because she seems to understand that different rules apply in different houses - she will jump up on the sofa without being asked at one house because she knows it's allowed, but she won't even bother asking with my GPs.

YANBU. It's your house and your furniture and they WBU to suggest a throw when you've already said no. If they need to have a doggy cuddle then they can get on the floor with the dog. I'm always on the floor with GPs dog, playing and cuddling so don't see the big deal as to why your visitors can't either - unless they are old or disabled.

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 18:56

And to the poster who said that dogs deal without you while you are sleeping - a lot of dogs are fine with that because they know you are still around, in the house, and they often check on you during the night - mine is often heard passing around outside bedroom doors just to check everything is 'in order' Grin

limitedscreentime · 27/12/2017 19:01

Can you put a stair gate up and make it clear you were planning to keep them in the kitchen? You could the acquiesce to allow them in the living room but obviously the sofa would be one step too far....:

Crumbs1 · 27/12/2017 19:03

Perfectly reasonable to set rules for dogs. Ours isn’t left at home for long but has a crate we use for very short periods up to about two hours. If he was left at home wandering around there would be little house left as he’s big, energetic and slightly scatty.
We take him to friends who are ‘dog people ‘ and he is treated as their dog is - including being put in outhouse and secure garden, if needed.
He is never allowed on the sofas, upstairs or in the dining room when we are eating. He is a dog. We like him a lot but he is an animal and should be treated as such.

Willswife · 27/12/2017 19:06

I adore my dog but I would always check if it was okay to take him to someone else's house and wouldn't be offended if they said no.

I wouldn't dream of asking or expecting him to go on someone else's furniture. I don't allow it at home either. A throw will not protect furniture from dog hair, dirt and smells.

I know someone who does let a dog on their furniture, but the dog is trained and will only jump up when it is invited to.

I adore dogs, but I don't want to look and smell like one and therefore we have separate places to sit!

llangennith · 27/12/2017 19:29

I’ve had one or more dogs for many years and they’ve certainly never been allowed to jump all over the furniture. Present dog is a small Cavalier but still gets fur everywhere and I don’t want her fur on my clothes.
My family take our dogs to each other’s houses but abide by that household’s rules. At my house and DS’s they’re confined to the kitchen during the day. At DD1 and DD2 they have the run of the downstairs but no sofas.
It’s very rude of your guests to try to
impose their canine routine on your household.
Tell them not to bring their dogs!

Iprefercoffeetotea · 27/12/2017 19:39

I’ve not had a dog since the late 90s so might be out of touch, but I think people treat dogs like children nowadays

Yes. This is the problem. The fur babies scenario. In fact they are more indulged than a child. You'd never allow your child to run up to a stranger, jump up at them and lick/bite them, but it's ok if a dog does it, and you as the victim of such behaviour should educate yourself out of being nervous around dogs.

Original poster
chockaholic72 · 31/12/2017 00:44

UPDATE - D-day (dog day) was today! Family spent most of the time in the diner-kitchen (bigger room) , with the door to the lounge firmly shut. When it came to "lounge-time" (after dinner), family spread out so dogs couldn't get on sofas. I was really firm when they arrived, said that it wasn't the mess so much; I just don't want animals on the furniture because that's for humans, and they got the message loud and clear. Thanks so much for all your suggestions - massive help for me xxx

OP posts:
LoveProsecco · 31/12/2017 08:28

Success StarGinCakeXmas Smile

ForalltheSaints · 31/12/2017 08:55

Glad to read it went successfully.

Mind you, if it had been me they would not have been allowed in the house at all!

ParanoidGynodroid · 31/12/2017 09:30

Glad it went well,OP, you had a tricky situation to negotiate: trying to be nice and accommodating to your visitors, but being firm about doggy boundaries. You succeeded.
I disagree that everyone babies their dogs these days; it's certainly not my experience, and I've only ever heard the phrase furbabies on MN!
Also, surely most/ many dogs are fine with being told 'no' here and there when it comes to furniture, regardless of their usual set up? My dog is allowed on sofas at home, but sometimes gets kicked off to make way for people, and isn't allowed at all my parents' house.
He just whumps down on the floor with a self-pitying sigh!

ParanoidGynodroid · 31/12/2017 09:31

There were paragraphs when I wrote that! Hmm

Schlimbesserung · 01/01/2018 12:41

Glad it went well OP.
I was just trying to remember if my (working, definitely not a pet) dog had ever sat on our sofas and I'm pretty sure he didn't. Because I trained him to warm my feet instead. He doesn't come into the living room much, but in colder weather he is allowed under my desk and he still warms my feet for me.

FrancisCrawford · 01/01/2018 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liminality · 01/01/2018 13:22

I can't quite believe it when people fail to properly train their dogs to the point where they literally cannot leave the house for a few hours. That's a form of cruelty in itself, encouraging neurosis for your own gratification. Pets have a better life when you treat them as pets, by that I mean caring for them and teaching them enough manners they can go out with you.

There are a few people on this thread who seem content to be in codependent relationships with their animals and to that I am truly Confused

Notevilstepmother · 01/01/2018 16:14

Pleased to hear it went well.

Another vote for dogs are perfectly capable of understanding that they are allowed on some sofas and not others.

Jaxhog · 01/01/2018 16:59

Really glad it went well.

I still don't get why anyone would assume they can bring their dog on a visit though.

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