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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want ex to take just one DC away to visit his family?

109 replies

Gottagetthroughthis17 · 25/12/2017 22:35

Just that really. He wants to take our 5 year old to visit family which is a 3 hour drive away each way. He took her last time, which was fine, but he wants to take her again which means leaving out youngest (3 yo) again. 3yo won't go as she is really attached to me at the moment and she would be upset.

I don't want him to take 5yo. His argument is his family don't get to see the kids. He could have arranged it ages ago and perhaps I could have gone along and stayed in a hotel nearby whilst his family see both kids together. but he is now angry that he can't take eldest. He only asked me tonight. Wants to go in 2 days.

We have only just split up (still living in same house). Aibu?

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 25/12/2017 22:40

I don’t think you should stop him.

AlexaDoTheDishes · 25/12/2017 22:42

What's the problem? Why don't you want him to take her?

Amanduh · 25/12/2017 22:42

Yes yabu.

Original poster
Gottagetthroughthis17 · 25/12/2017 22:44

Because my 3yo would be left out again.

OP posts:
AlexaDoTheDishes · 25/12/2017 22:45

I don't think a three year old would notice

Booboobooboo84 · 25/12/2017 22:46

But right now that’s her choice. She’s just going through a phase. Maybe the best thing is that he does take both of your both actively seeking to end her clingy phase. Not sure why you would need to go too if both go

TidyDancer · 25/12/2017 22:46

I'm presuming from your post that he's not choosing not to take the 3 yr old? In which case it's not his fault he can only go with the 5 yr old. You have no right to stop him and really shouldn't in those circumstances.

Tinselistacky · 25/12/2017 22:46

Your 3yo won't go as you said yourself!!

Maelstrop · 25/12/2017 22:47

But you’ve already said she won’t go without you, so unless you go (and it is stupidly short notice) then he’s entitled to take his child to visit his family. YABU.

honeylulu · 25/12/2017 22:47

But your three year old doesn't want to go ...

CrackersForlt · 25/12/2017 22:47

But the 3yo won't want to go? You can't let a 3yo call the shots Tbh. If the 3yo doesn't want to go, OK, but it's not their decision to make of the 5yo wants to go.

Or is only the 3yo allowed to have a say?

Original poster
Gottagetthroughthis17 · 25/12/2017 22:47

Of course she would notice!

OP posts:
Homemenu1 · 25/12/2017 22:47

You are being really unreasonable, i take my children to different things all the time. Firstly because of their ages but mainly because they have different interests

MorningCuppa · 25/12/2017 22:48

Why should the 5 year old miss out because the 3 year old won’t go because she’s attached to you?

Homemenu1 · 25/12/2017 22:49

I think you need to be carful setting things up as they have to do things together or not at all might back fire at some point

Original poster
Gottagetthroughthis17 · 25/12/2017 22:49

He only wants to take one child as he can't manage both on his own. Too stressful for him. He wants to take eldest as he generally favours her. One of the reasons I split up with him is that he would not treat them fairly. Ah well. I am of course being unreasonable.

OP posts:
AlexaDoTheDishes · 25/12/2017 22:49

If your three year old wanted you to do something with her that your five year old didn't want to do, and you had child care for your five year old, you'd just take your three peat old alone surely?

How is this different?

AlexaDoTheDishes · 25/12/2017 22:50

Trying to force him to do things your way will come to naught.

EdithWeston · 25/12/2017 22:50

Yes YABU to stop the 5yo going because the 3yo won't co-operate.

I hope the clingy phase ends soon - everything should get much easier (administratively, at least) then.

Amanduh · 25/12/2017 22:50

But you just said the other child doesn't want to go because she's too attached to you and would be upset Confused

FreshHorizons · 25/12/2017 22:51

I can't see the problem. A shame he can't take the 3yr old, but if she gets used to the 5yr old going then she may want to do it by the time she is 5yrs. I can't see why you need to go.

Original poster
Gottagetthroughthis17 · 25/12/2017 22:52

Yes she is attached. Even if she wasn't he still wouldn't choose to take her. That's the point Hmm

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 25/12/2017 22:52

Fair doesn't always mean equal.
Children don't always have to be treated the same.
It's fine for 2 kids to be doing completely different things.

Starlight2345 · 25/12/2017 22:52

I think yabu . He is not choosing one over the other he simply wants to take the child that can go .it is important for 5 year old not to miss out on family because 3 year old is clingy

TidyDancer · 25/12/2017 22:53

OP you need to clarify the situation as it does change things. If the 3 yr old is too clingy and won't want to go that's a totally different scenario than if the 5 yr old is being favoured by their dad and he doesn't want to deal with the 3 yr old. That's a big dripfeed and makes a difference.