To not want ex to take just one DC away to visit his family?

[Gottagetthroughthis17]

Just that really. He wants to take our 5 year old to visit family which is a 3 hour drive away each way. He took her last time, which was fine, but he wants to take her again which means leaving out youngest (3 yo) again. 3yo won't go as she is really attached to me at the moment and she would be upset.

I don't want him to take 5yo. His argument is his family don't get to see the kids. He could have arranged it ages ago and perhaps I could have gone along and stayed in a hotel nearby whilst his family see both kids together. but he is now angry that he can't take eldest. He only asked me tonight. Wants to go in 2 days.

We have only just split up (still living in same house). Aibu?

Sandy, how do you know this is not "the norm"? My DC sometimes stay at their grandparents separately and I know lots of others that do. Elderly grandparents often prefer one child at a time.

Can't believe the obsession over drip feeding! Rossigigi Its been mentioned already!!

Yes I'm sorry about the drip feeding! Not that it seemed to make a difference to most. It seems it is normal for siblings to spend weekends apart because that's what suits the dad. It won't be happening in my house. I have given him options, he doesn't want to know. If I offered him a lump sum of cash he would bugger off without a second word, but unfortunately I'm not going to do that so he's gonna kick and stomp his feet and asset himself as their excellent father, when previously he just couldn't be fucking bothered.

He went off to bed in a big strop tonight as I couldn't give him solutions to his problems.

Oh well. Time for him to grow up and live in the real world.

And once again - fuck drip feeding. Life isn't always black and white and had I known I needed to put the entire life story into the OP quite frankly I wouldn't have bothered.

FWIW - I can see you're hurting OP. And tbh I would feel the same. YANBU to want your children to be cared for together and right now is a hard time

"It seems it is normal for siblings to spend weekends apart because that's what suits the dad"

You're misreading the posts. It is normal for siblings to spend time apart at the weekends - because DC as they grow have different interests, and having one-on-one time with parents is a good thing in itself.

It is also normal for DC to continue to see their NRP even when the other sibling cannot go for any reason. That is what needs to happen here until your younger DC has outgrown the clinginess (something which I hope you are working on).

Do not let your anger with him - which is coming through painfully clearly - interfere with your DC's relationship with their father. You haven't, it seems, separated yet. You appear to be getting very cross about his conduct as a NRP even though that hasn't happened yet. This is unhelpful. As your aim needs to be him having both DC, then your task is to ease the clinginess, for only then will he be able to take both. (If it all goes wrong at that point, then things change. But right now, it has nit come to pass).

Whizziwig the child is not going to stay alone with grandparents, the child is going with her dad to stay with other relatives.

And as OP said "It's not grandparents it's a cousin and her boyfriend. Possibly his aunt if she's about too. Not that it makes a difference I guess."

But I do think it makes a difference, Grandparents may be understood for not being able to cope with more than one child at a time, a dad should be able to. And a cousin, presumably not old, with their boyfriend should have no trouble coping with two kids.

I was replying to Sandy's post above mine.

It is normal for many siblings to visit family members separately with or without one of their parents. It is normal in my family for DH to take one of the children to visit his family without the other. Most people seem to think this isn't an issue. However, OP's situation is understandably complicated by the tensions of being mid break-up.

As I said upthread, I would have allowed the elder DC to go with her father this time but have a discussion with him around the expectation that in future he would take both children. Some 3 year olds don't like being away from their mothers (one of mine didn't) but usually are more willing when they're a bit older.

All these things will probably be able to be resolved more easily once OP's H has moved out and there is a bit of distance between them.

YABU.
Its a good opportunity for each of you to spend one on one time with each of your children. Do something fun with your 3yo.
Readjusting to life as newly separated parents is tough - hang in there it gets easier x