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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that no I am not a lucky girl

104 replies

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:20

So we are at the in-laws today doing Christmas. We have just opened our presents.
For some background 5 years ago dh brought himself a super duper piece of Tech for himself. I indicated that I would like one too. So he got together with the in-laws to get a cheaper version for me as my only Christmas present. Meanwhile he got loads of items off his list.
I personally don't like doing lists so I have had 4 years of vouchers or IOU for experiences that I have to arrange. Despite hinting very strongly for some nice jewellery. Ever mentioning the name if the store etc.
So this year my piece of tech is no longer functional. So dh has treated me to a high end replacement. I know I should be grateful and indeed SIL has been going on and on about how lucky I am. Yet it is the same piece of tech her dbro upgraded to just because earlier this year.
So yet again dh has a pile if gifts to open and me just one.
I know I should have said we'll actually I would like x for a present but this doesn't sit right with me.
It isn't about the money. My family exchange presents and they are only token gifts but at least there is some thought there. It just seems like dh wants the easy option each year.
So Aibu to think that whilst it is a great gift that I am not lucky as I only have exactly what dh has anyway and it hasn't required any real effort.

OP posts:

dinosaursandtea · 24/12/2017 11:22

I understand where you’re coming from, but you have to communicate what you want. Otherwise you’ll never actually get it!

Aridane · 24/12/2017 11:22

I sort of think you are being a tad unreasonable but am sorry you feel so let down

Sirzy · 24/12/2017 11:23

So you know what you want and will drop hints rather than ask directly then complain if you don’t get it as you don’t like lists

missyB1 · 24/12/2017 11:25

This is why I write a list for DH I’d things I would like to receive. He doesn’t get everything on the list he knows to just pick a few. I actually email it to him entitled Dear Father Christmas

nevereverever83 · 24/12/2017 11:25

"I personally don't like doing lists so I have had 4 years of vouchers or IOU for experiences that I have to arrange. Despite hinting very strongly for some nice jewellery. Ever mentioning the name if the store etc."

Why not just make a list (i.e. tell someone what you want) rather than refusing for some silly arbitrary reason whilst also vainly hoping they can mind-read? You have no place feeling resentful when people are willing to get you things you want if only you would tell them.

swingofthings · 24/12/2017 11:26

And this is why Christmas should be banned! If you want something so badly, then save every month, ask for cash at Christmas and birthdays and go get it. So what your OH gets more presents than you, is it really so bad!

I'm so so glad that I get more pleasure in watching people opening their presents than opening mine because this whole new 'Christmas spirit' really stinks!

Saying that, as others, sorry you are feeling down and disappointed.

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2017 11:29

Well your current "system" isn't working for you. So change it. Write a list.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 24/12/2017 11:29

I'm not sure I completely understand, you've got a present you wanted and needed but you don't think your lucky?
Or your upset cos your husband gets more presents than you each year?

I'm also not completely sure what your sister in law has to do with it other than joining your husband in buying the present 5 years ago and commenting your lucky to have this years present.

Any one is lucky to get any present tbh, maybe that's just me though. I like giving presents far more than receiving them.

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:30

Tbh I kind of don't expect any different from dh as I know what he is like. Also I don't have an expensive hobby so in reality there isn't much I need.
I think the SIL comment was a red rag. This year dh got himself a high value hobby items as Birthday presents to himself. Do he said to not spend quite so much. Yet SIL than comments expressed surprise when I say that I am not spending quite so much as he has got this. Apparently that doesn't count.

OP posts:

kmc1111 · 24/12/2017 11:31

If you hint and indicate very strongly and bring up specific stores, you might as well just ask for what you want. If he was actually getting the hints then you'd be essentially doing that anyway. Since he's not getting the hints, just be direct.

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:38

I guess I do need to change my outlook and do a list.
Don't get me wrong, I love the present but I guess I just feel undertones around me of if Dh/dbro wants or needs a high value tech item updating than go ahead do it. If I am in the same boat than I am so lucky to get one even though I have to forego presents to get the same item.
Realise this sounds so childish. Tbh I think not buying for adults would be better.

OP posts:

nestletollhouse · 24/12/2017 11:38

Sounds like your dh has no qualms about treating himself when he feels. Take a leaf out of his book and just start doing the same.

nestletollhouse · 24/12/2017 11:39

When your tech stopped working why didn't you just upgrade it yourself? If your dh can why don't you?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 24/12/2017 11:41

I still don't understand why your not lucky?

You got a Christmas present -your lucky!

Also it's just something people say especially about tech presents
I brought my parents a cup and saucer a pack of biscuits and a packet of their favourite hot drink each do you know what their comment was oh you shouldn't have we're lucky you've brought us this we kniw exactly when we'll use them! And i know they were absolutely genuine, they were just grateful to receive a present.

Your sister in law has just said oh nice present lucky you and it's a red rag? I'm still confused

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 24/12/2017 11:42

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:42

I think I will do a lust next year. I suppose I have this stupid notion that dh should be able to know the type of jewellery I like and sort it. Rather than having to specify an item number which just doesn't seem as thoughtful.
I also like an element of surprise.

OP posts:

HermioneAndTheSniffle · 24/12/2017 11:44

Yep do a list.
And specify clearly that xx piece of equipment is NOT a present anymore than his was.
Nor the experiences etc... that you need to organise.

The problem is, that if your DH is really going for the easy option, then I suspect you will still be disappointed.
But at least, if you dint get the e pensive option, people won’t be able to say you are lucky.

Other option is to actually go and buy the expensive bit of jewellery you want, the same way that your DH is buying his expensive stuff for his hobby.
After all, you can also buy yourself gifts too.

category12 · 24/12/2017 11:45

Do you not have access to money? Why can't you replace tech yourself?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 24/12/2017 11:47

If you think not buying for adults would be better then say that. Say I won't be buying presents and I don't want any. Or write a list.

You are lucky as are your husband and brother in law, they just got it by upgrading, their still lucky boys or men for having the item in the first place.

Unless what your talking about is a phone! Because if it is buying a phone without a contract is fairly expensive so yep it would be a present in my family as Well. They get an upgrade because they pay for the phone through the contract.if it's a phone why don't you get a contract then you can upgrade too

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 24/12/2017 11:48

Is there a reason you couldn't have bought this tech for yourself during the year like he did? I understand why you are a little disappointed that it's a present for you but just something he bought himself for him.

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:49

Thanks for replies. Time to put the new but of tech down and socialise/ help with food prep.
SIL has not just said it. She has been going on an on. Plus it's the history of her getting funny with me because I only spent 50 quid for her brothers birthday as he told me not too as he ordered a 300 pound item himself. Apparently that isn't the same.
Other history too.

OP posts:

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2017 11:50

Stick half a dozens things you really want on a list and then he can choose - you get an element of surprise.

I started giving my DH a list 3/4 years ago when I realised he doesn't get hints and definitely wasn't in anyway telepathic. He's happy, I'm happy. Job done. Only took me 8 years of marriage to work that one out.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 24/12/2017 11:52

Your DH buys himself presents and presumably never sulks because you didn't buy him those things?

Just buy yourself what you want. You know what- it doesn't even have to be at Christmas . If you have the money, you can just buy yourself the things you want when you want them. All part of being a grown up.

problembottom · 24/12/2017 11:53

If DH is buying himself a tech upgrade as and when then why can’t you do the same? Why do you have to wait to be gifted it at Christmas?

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 24/12/2017 11:55

I do have access to money but I would have to discuss a big purchase like that first as I earn very little. So in a way this is how this situation arose. I said x is broken and needs replacing. So response I will get you one for Christmas.

OP posts:

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