Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

I cant see why people get agitated about this sort of thing tbh.
Now I did get upset about cards wishing me a merry Christmas when my son had just died.

OK, just trying to catch up on the replies. Insisting on being called Doctor on your Christmas cards?! (Presuming said cards are from close family of course)
Just no.
Unless you want to be forever known as that person who just needs eye rolling at and humouring.

Don’t get this at all. Surely it’s just on the envelope anyway? Who cares!
My Grandma has always addressed our cards Mr and Mrs M Lollipop, totally making a statement as she’d told us several times how terrible it was that we lived in sin. Really couldn’t give a damn, at least she got the names right on the inside! If she felt the need to voice her views then that’s fine, not going to change anything mind, but if it made her feel better.

What on earth is the point in getting married if you're not a Mrs, not taking his surname and intend to pretend you're still boyfriend & girlfriend?!

Wow. So because I’m female I must announce my marital status every time I write my name by using Mrs?

So because I’m female the name alive used since birth doesn’t matter and i must surrender to my husband’s?

The tradition of a woman changing her name comes from women having no legal status and literally being owned by a man - either her father or her husband. There’s nothing remotely romantic about it. It’s utterly sexist

Our marriage is a partnership and our names reflect that.

I'm more concerned about getting the names of any children correct - make a note in my address book when I receive a card from them. I try to follow the wishes of the couple but they have to suck it up if I get addressee format wrong.

On an almost related note what's the correct procedure for a consultant? I vaguely remember them being Mr so and so when I was in hospital (presumably Mrs or Ms etc if female but mine was a man before anyone flames me) but the only one I have to address a card to is a man and we couldn't work out if it was Mr or Dr or what so went miles out of our way to shove "John and Mary's" card through the letterbox

It costs money and time to send you a Christmas card. Why not focus on that rather than fussing at people getting the formal address wrong?

Dear Tittygolightly,

If my elderly aunt had sent me a cheque addressed to Attila -the -fucking -hun , I would have sent her some flowers /and or a note saying THANKYOU .
This is because I have been bought up with the manners that are clearly lacking from your life. Consumed as it is by your need to 'exert' your somewhat pointless need to tell the world that you are an 'equal partnership '
I feel no such need to shout this out to the world as I know this already and have no desperate need to publicise it.
Kind regards

Mrs Oliver Kittensinmydinner.

Hahaha, also titty now I know you just totally want a day about yourself, you selfish thing. Just be grateful someone ‘chose’ you and take his name for goodness sake. Don’t you know that a) it’s Christmas and b) there are bigger things to worry about than being freaked out by so many people, lots of the women, insisting you conform to a system originally devised to demonstrate which man owned this woman? Fie on you, plus, think of the children, don’t be so petty, have bigger things to worry about, be honoured your DH wanted you to have your name, remember it’s just your dad’s name anyway as the menz own the names hun, want to be a unit, don’t risk having your screaming children ripped from your arms in front of a horrified airport crowd which I was startled to read of the other day on here. Etc etc.

I must say I took on board what everyone said and decided to be more ‘grateful’. Weirdly i then couldn’t remember what my dad’s name is, which is funny because he also cannot remember my name which is the one he and my mother gave me, so I just called him Master and then my mums initial and her maiden name. After all, I knew from these threads that he’d be massively petty to care, should have bigger things to think about, and anyway, it’s Christmas, amirite?

Oddly he then immediately started calling me by my actual name again. What can I say, people are weird.

"f my elderly aunt had sent me a cheque addressed to Attila -the -fucking -hun , I would have sent her some flowers /and or a note saying THANKYOU . "

And then she'll see that the cheque was never banked and will wonder why you lied to her that everything was OK.

Well I for one totally agree with you Mrs oliverkitten. Who the f does this ‘titty’ - ridiculous name - think she is not only to keep her own name but make others call her it?!! And bleat on about wanting to be equal? Shame on her. I really respect you not only for so eagerly taking your husband’s identity but rightly pressurising other women to do the same. It must be because you’re so well brought up. It is definitely not good manners to call people by the name they choose if that is pulling apart the very threads of society. Thanks so much for helping shame Titty into realising the error of her ways. I really respect that.

I have been not "Mrs DHname" for 34 years. DH's auntie sent her usual card to Mr & Mrs DH. TBH I'm beyond caring now, as most people manage to pick the right name, but if you don't want to be doing the same I suggest you tell them outright now.

And to those saying FFS does it matter, it does. It shows a total lack of respect.

Hoping to be called “Dr” (if you are entitled to be) is not precious it’s just factual. I have doctor friends who I sometimes don’t address cards to as Dr because I just use the first names. If I feel the need to use a title, why would I use one that doesn’t apply to them? If someone’s a Rev is it precious to call them that too?

This is MN iggi

Waiting people to use your actual name is petty. Never mind if you worked your arse off to gain a title or want to be equal in this world you must still accept people assuming you are little more than your husband's possession and understand it's too much for eveeyone else's tiny brain to think otherwise and be bloody grateful you even appear to exist in their eyes at all .

I got my mum's surname wrong this year! used my dad's surname instead of her maiden name. They've been divorced for 35 years.

Thewhyterose I like your style.

Shit happens, OP.
Get a grip.

"Hoping to be called “Dr” (if you are entitled to be) is not precious"

It is if it's by family and friends.

But surely friends and family woukd call you dave and Sarah?

If they choose to use a title why not use the right one?

"If they choose to use a title why not use the right one?"

Because not everybody uses a professional title in their social life. I wouldn't use a title for friends, but if I had to I think I would use Dr for a medical doctor, but not for a phd. It's not customary for phd Dr to use it in their social lives as opposed to their professional lives.

But friends and family would know surely? That's the point.

So they’re your close family, they’re both a dr and a ms ownname, so yes quite right, ignore both and call her mrs DH dhname. That’s the TRUE spirit of Christmas!

Call me old fashioned, but I just think it’s rude to address a card/letter to a person to a name other than the one they choose to be addressed as...

When I started work, the staff telephone directory listed the men's names without titles "D G Smith" etc, but the women's names all with "Miss" or "Mrs" in front. That would be unthinkable today.

Similarly, I was brought up with the convention that the correct way to address a married couple was "Mr and Mrs Smith", and that there were all sorts of minefields =to be avoided when addressing just the women.

So nowadays I'm fine addressing my friends in all sorts of ways that would have been regarded as offensively over-familiar when I was young (what if the postman learnt what your first name was???!!!). But when it comes to second cousins, I play safe and fall back on convention. Now it seems the number of second cousins I may have offended by using the "polite convention" may have exceeded the number I could have offended by using one of the alternatives!

I'm finding it really difficult! The idea of what is polite is very ingrained in your psyche, and to find you are now being expected to address people in a way that you were brought up to think was rude is difficult to get used to. With friends it is OK - easy to check what they're happy with - it's all the more distant relatives, friends of you parents, and so on.

Mared - do you send cards to distant relatives and friends of your parents?