To ask what the worst experience of your life Is??

[K1092902]

Having a fucking awful time right now- just one thing after another. Please someone help me put things in perspective

At the time, sitting in the hospital waiting for my first pregnancy appointment and being told the baby had died at 12 weeks was the worst experience of my life. Seeing all the happy parents to be with their precious scan pictures was heartbreaking. I already had 2 other children so I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to be sad.

Shortly after, my 13 month old daughter had a horrific accident, less than a metre away from me. I couldn’t stop it. My daughter is still here but is left with an obvious physical disfigurement because of that day. I feel I’ve some form of PTSD from that day. Daughter is 3 now.

Such awful stories on this thread.

Having my parents die as a teenager. My dads death in particular hit me hard as I had hadn't realised he was terminal(he chose not to tell me but did tell other family members, I still havent really forgiven him) so his passing away was a massive shock. World ending sort of shock to lose the last vestigate of childhood and having someone there to always rely on. Im not keen to every repeat that experience again so its made it very challenging to form bonds esp with boyfriends etc as I get older.

Realising my brother was an alcoholic because he couldnt deal with his emotional issues was also a pretty bad days...and continues to cause ongoing issues as he has failed relationships with his girlfriends and their children get caught in the crossfire.

Realising I've gotten about a 90 percent chance of inheriting the cancer that killed both my parents before they were 50 helps keep me appreciating life and makes me really try to live it to the fullest however. Makes it harder to sweat the small stuff when you ask yourself...will i even care about this in the longrun?

Depression
Seeing 2 people I loved die
Awful rows with DP

So the usual . OP this is a really really hard time of year to get through . But hearing others tragedies might not help?

Most things can be borne and I hope you can make some positive steps forward to look after yourself here .

I am not sure if I feel
Robust to read a their peoples stories TBH

The dark years after i birthed my only child.
I was so so mentally unwell and i felt so lost , alone and invisible. I felt so guilty and abnormal. Enraged that others mums were delighted and fulfillef and happy when i felt suffocated. Gutted that my baby had me as a mum when all the other mums looked much better at it. I could not see a way out. My relationships changed and me and my partner nearly split. I used to cry every year on her birthday remembering the trauma. It took me 4 years to have sex again and 5 years to stop crying on her birthday. Terrible and someone as weak as me shouldn't have had a child.

My mum dying unexpectedly when I was 21.

I got a call the day she died telling me I needed to come home urgently. She had been unwell for a while but none of us knew it was terminal to that day.

When she died I felt immediately like there was a huge weight crushing my heart. It was sheer grief I think.

Nothing has ever made me as sad or caused me as much emotional and physical pain. All the shit I've been through since is as nothing compared to that. That loss has basically shaped my entire adult life.

In January it will be 24 years since it happened.

@TheQueenOfWands I think we are the same person.

Watching my lovely, darling Mum take her last breath. I can still recall the odd noise that she made. The Dr confirmed it a few minutes later and as she said something like 'she's gone', I felt something physical inside my body go, I actually think it was part of my heart breaking. It's really hard to describe but it was actually physical and I still recall it now.

The stories here are so sad. My heart particularly goes out to Twinkleheth, Daisystew and yorkshireyummymummy. Sending everyone

Oh these are heart breaking.

K2 - real friends are there for you and do not judge you (unless you are on strict;ly guess!)

When I had my bag stolen with my phone in it one of my dear friends gave me a spare one and has told me to keep it. This is extremely kind of here as it is a Samsung and they cost more than I could afford! That is real friendship right there. Most of my friends do not judge me. Only one carried on about how stupid I was to get it stolen! I wouldn't care but she regularly used to waltz around with her bag open and they never nicked her stuff. Probably thief may thought it was a police operation to catch a thief!

I know that my bag loss is mild in comparison with all that has happend above but wanted to illustrate to K2 what good friends do.

Nothing in comparison to these but - failing at my first marriage, and the two weeks that dh stopped taking medication - basically trying to keep a normal life going for myself and small ds while true insanity took place around me every day. I might tell others that the worst bit was when he ran away and went missing but actually compared to the run up, that bit was a relief.

I am sorry you are going through hell. I hope it passes soon or you find some moments of things being better.

I guess my worst experience is the death of both parents (and a much loved Uncle).

Dad's death was a shock. He had a heart attack in his garage. My mum was not very mobile. She wondered why he had not come in for a coffee and 'womboled' out to him with her zimmer frame. She had to get down a step which was hard for her. She found him on the floor and panicked so phoned my brother instead of an ambulance.

Mum's wasn't suck a shock as she has bowel cancer. Although a doctor said itwas in remission so when she went back in hospital after bleeding from her bum again I was in shock and sadly when I rang at my usual time of 10.30 to ask how she was (visiting times was evening), they said she was fading fast. It took 2 bus rides to get there so I had to get my SIL to bring her car around. By the time we got there it was too late. Of course I had a massive case of the 'guilts' as I had not visited her the night before.

My Uncle's death was not a surprise either - cancer of prostate.

Going through a termination that I deeply regret. Up until now I have never suffered grief or loss but this is so painful that sometimes I can barely breathe. The guilt will last a lifetime. A part of me died that day.

Christmas two years ago - in a week lost DH aunt to cancer (I adored her), a friend at work committed sucicide and was told on Christmas morning FIL has 48 hours to live. I then went to a funeral each week in Jan.

The hardest thing was on Boxing Day saying goodbye to FIL without crying knowing I’d never see him again.

I am going through it at the moment.
I am pregnant with DC4, who will not make it to birth.
DH's behaviour at the moment is unforgivable.
I have never been in so much pain. If I did not have 3 DCs at home I would die with my baby.
I manage by pretending I am living someone else's life.

A 6 month period just under 2 years ago. I was in an abusive relationship and started taking drugs.

I realised I had to get myself together when I found myself waking up crying and automatically reaching for a bottle of wine on my bedside table and drinking straight out the bottle.

Then I got sorted.

Im just glad it only lasted 6 months.

Years of bullying leading to even more years of self-hate, feeling nothing goes right for me, compounded by the mc of my first ever bfp 6 weeks ago and the feeling that, at my age, that was my one chance.

Being punched to the floor and then laying there naked while my then partner kicked me six weeks after giving birth. Having him then ty and throw me naked into the street. Listening to him call the police and tell them I'd attacked him just so he could enjoy watching me get arrested (it turns out if there is a complaint of domestic violence they tend to arrest you and work it out later even if the other person has a long record of beng abusive). Then going back to him. Eventually I came to my senses!

WAtching my mum due when I was 30; less than 2 years later receiving a phone call while I was in the Maldives to say my dad had also died. Having to clear their house out myself (dh helped but no family help) when I was 32. Brother lived in New York and couldn’t help. I was clueless about probate and all the paperwork.

Being told one of our twins had something not compatible with life at the 12 weeks scan. Having a selective termination several days later.

Our 2 year old fracturing his skull abroad after a serious fall. He was ok but 4 very scary days in an overseas hospital, and still having counselling for the “what ifs” now.

I lost my parents 17 years ago within 3 months of each other...they were 52 and 56....I was 26 and going through an awful divorce at the time.....to the posters who have lost children....that is beyond horrific and I send my love to you all x

Holding my daughter as the vent was pulled and she died. And pretty much every day since.

Oh expat

Watching FIL take 8 weeks to die, losing my godmother a month later and then losing my DM in a car accident a few months after that. It was a shit year. I thought the shock of DM would kill me. Now, 17 years on, I still miss her all the time, but I never had to watch her grow feeble and perhaps develop dementia, or have her personality altered by illness as DF did before he died. I still don't miss him and that hurts.

Being in a very serious car crash at 26 weeks pregnant, watching my tiny son spend a year fighting for his life, while trying to parent my dd, and stay alive myself, during which time my nan, who had raised me died suddenly and traumatically.

My first girlfriend being killed in a car crash when she was 22 and I was 21 just two months after my other best friend died on the operating table on Christmas Eve.

That was 20 years ago. More recently, my grandmother starving herself to death and her appalling treatment in hospital and witnessing a fatal car crash where the passenger (non seat belt) was hurled out of the car.

My dad committing suicide when I was a teenager was probably the worst but I've had several shitty times since that come close.

My mother had metastatic bowel cancer. It went to her brain, amongst many other organs.
We rushed our wedding, but she had a grand mal the night before and slipped unconscious. She died at 8am the morning after my wedding. With the marquee and party still clearing up in the garden.

The most ludicrously heart breaking thing was directing the funera directors to
Our house by saying “follow the signs for mr and mrs x wedding”.

And a second trimester miscarriage- had a massive hemorrhage with placenta abruptuon all over AandE floor. The staff were superb but my poor husband had to take my child home so I was all alone.