To hate people 'calling round'

[Howsthings1234]

I know this probably seems mean but I'm getting quite frustrated with people constantly 'calling round'.

I prefer to know in advance if someone is coming round, even better, I prefer to have actually invited people!

An example - I'm heavily pregnant and felt really shattered the other day so hadn't got dressed one morning. A relative turns up unannounced bangs on the window then the door so I answer in my dressing gown assuming it's something urgent. They were 'calling round' to ask when would be a good time to 'call round' with our Christmas cards and gifts.

Another example - Knock at the door. A friend has 'called round' to see how I am as I had cancelled on going out that night as I was overtired and too pregnant to face it.

Another example - I have just had a text to inform me that another relative may 'call round' tomorrow to pick up something they left here last time they 'called round' a few days ago.

I know it's lovely that people want to see us but I just want to be able to be pregnant and huge in my pjs and dressing gown all day if I want and let the house go to pot and not worry about it!!

AIBU or does anyone actually like people 'calling round' without prior warning??!?

but isn't this all "not answering" a bit anti social.

Yes. but some of us are introverts, and don't really want to be "social;".

I don't mind too much. But we live far away from all our family and the only people likely to ever call unannounced (which very rarely happens) are very close friends who wouldn't care if I was sitting in my PJs eatimg crisps in front of the telly and ignoring the mess.

my in laws do this and my partner wants to go over unannounced to his mum's or antys but I make sure I always txt beforehand as that's what I would like. they don't get the hint thiugh, they tell me that coz we are family we don't need to ask and can pop round whenever. well fine for them but I would like a warning first!

Oh well I would hated by most on here as have spent the last couple of days calling on people to dispense largesse. Have blagged several cups of tea and a rather fine gin and tonic enroute. I would have quite understood if not convenient for people and just dropped and gone if needed.

I'm on maternity leave and so that seems to make people think that im just at home all day so they can all call round whenever they fancy and not ever let me know... what really gets me is when people 'pop in' and I'm in my comfy house clothes with unbrushed hair (obviously I've just had a baby and run around trying to keep her happy all day no time to make myself look good) and they actually comment on the fact I'm not dressed! They say things like 'have you only just got out of bed?' Urm no I'm in my own home having what I thought would be an uninterrupted day I would like to be comfortable!!!

Thankfully our living room is at the back of the house so I've started hiding and not answering the door if I'm not expecting anyone

My brother popped round tonight, he had texted me earlier in the afternoon to say he'd be passing and can he pop in. Anyway, I forgot and he heard me muttering 'who the bleeding hell is it?!' 😂 then I shouted 'Jesus!' When I saw this 6 ft 4 figure leaning on the wall (was dark and couldn't see his face). Made me think of this thread was nice to see him but was only here for 10 mins as we were putting DS to bed.

The habit of calling round started before there were any telephones or any other way of contacting people. I have been part of households, own family and the in laws, when people just arrived and were made welcome. I don't know how well I would have coped in those days. My baking and catering abilities are not as good. I can see the inconvenience of having people just arrive at the house but apart from my lack of skills in the kitchen I would love to have been part of the society who did that. Probably my great grand parents era would be best for me. I have heard about it so much from older relatives and it sounds like so much fun.
I don't tend to agree with the general MN view that people need an invitation in embossed card to be allowed to see their grandchildren or that people hide if someone knocks on the door

I love it!

We’ve had some really great spontaneous evenings where friends have popped in unannounced at 4pm for a cup of tea as they were passing by and ended up staying for dinner and staggering out at midnight :-)

If the house is a mess I just tell them they are welcome in but they will have to take us as they find us as the house hasn’t been guest-if-ied!

If we’re busy or it’s not convenient I’m honest and say it’s not a great time and they can’t come in but then arrange a better time to meet up.

I would love more people to pop round to mine unannounced. I would also like to pop round to friends more than I do but I don't because of the exact reasons you stated, folk are so busy nowadays you usually catch them in the middle of something.

I hate it but have massive electric gates with no intercom, someone once climbed the wall between me and next door and dropped at least five foot into the garden

While I can just about cope with unexpected visitors, I would very much prefer them not to come.

Because in general there are two types of "poppers-in" -

a) Those who are happy to take things as they are, and have the nous to understand it might not be a good time, and

b) Those who come round expecting you to drop everything to entertain/host/feed them, and who don't give a shot about what you may need to be doing, or even if it's actually a convenient time for you. They don't have the social skills to comprehend it might not be a good time and adjust the length of visit accordingly, and treat your time as less important than theirs.

I can cope with those in group a, but I have a couple family members in group b. I don't answer the door to those.

Hate it. Will welcome anyone if I have a warning/am expecting them. I like my home to be my sanctuary where I control the flow and am able to soak in Bath/lounge in a dressing gown with glass of Prosecco in hand, uninterrupted if I want or dress in scruffs to get housework done without having to stop.
I’ve had people show up and walk across my still wet floor and others turn up ‘for a chat’ when I’ve clearly just woken up! Seriously - can’t people just call first?

Ughhh is this real ?

Nobody goes anywhere anymore without calling or texting first surely.

Who even just turns up.

I'm baffled.

I've always lived rural and my DM struggles massively with this and actively avoided people who did this, however my bfs Mum was the opposite and I always loved how welcoming her home was. Now I'm a farmers wife and we have people walk in all hours day and night. Most of the time I'm fine with it although I really hate people on my doorstep before I've had my first coffee in the morning dhs cousin I'm looking at you

....its depends who it is......but my pet hate is those people who pretend to be friends but never bother with me all year then they expect to turn up at Xmas when I am busy with friends and family who have actually been invited.

I wont have these people intruding on my space and time.
Had one this morning on my doorstep ,I told her thanks for card but I must get on because I am expecting some friends.....she looked most put out and said oh you are busy......How I wish I had said well no shit Sherlock,its Christmas of course I am busy

I work from home and over the years have had to really spell it out to people that I am not available socially during my work times.
Big bug bear

oooh I don't like this either. I get it alot from one particular relative whenever they are 'passing by' they make a 'flying visit'

Also heavily pregnant I feel your pain! Sometimes you just want to be fat and pregnant in peace, not have to worry about what the house looks like or having to play host.

Last time my relative did this I was in bed feeling exhausted, I just stayed in bed and let my other half tell her I'm resting. He took over host duties and made her a coffee and engaged her overbearing small talk for 45 mins when all he wanted to do was play his xbox

Bless him

*Ughhh is this real ?
Nobody goes anywhere anymore without calling or texting first surely.
Who even just turns up.

I'm baffled.*

There's a lot of people who've lived the majority of their life without mobile phones, and phoning pre-mobile was more difficult. OK, I accept there's been a huge swing round in what's considered polite behaviour, but certainly don't see why anyone should be "baffled" that not everyone has got the hang of it yet.

There's a lot of people who've lived the majority of their life without mobile phones, and phoning pre-mobile was more difficult

Landline phones have been around for a very long time, however. A very long time indeed. I also hate people turning up. My In-Laws have done it for 30 years, despite me specifically asking them time after time after time not to. Other friends do it saying "We know you don't like people popping in, but it's only us" As though that makes it okay. It Bloody Doesn't! Stop Doing It, you knobs.

In-Laws once turned up as DC and I were on our way out of the door, with our coats and shoes on. I explained, Sorry, we are just on our way out (if it wasn't obvious enough) and they just pushed past us and said 'It's okay dear, we won't stay long'. I've tried ignoring the door to in-laws, but they come through the side gate and peer through the windows. They even, once, came into our house when we were on holiday to show their friends around Our House! (They had keys for emergency purposes). They were confiscated pretty sharpish. Cheeky Fuckers.

I also work from home so my home is my office. I cannot have people turning up willy-nilly. I just can't bear it. It is rude and entitled. Their time is more important than yours. No, it's bloody not!

Ring first, tell me you intend popping round tomorrow, then I'll be happy to see you and get the kettle on with a plate of biscuits at the ready. Otherwise, Fuck Off!

My dad has keys and decided to let himself in as he knows I sometimes struggle to open the door- I have severe arthritis amongst other physical issues. Was quite cross at me for A. having the latch on meaning he could't just walk in and B. for me being annoyed he did this. I live in a flat with the bathroom by the front door, he'd have gotten an eyeful. He just can't equate that me struggling to open and close doors mean I may not close the bathroom door, as I live alone, or may be in the shower or getting dressed and be unable to quickly cover myself.

I think a lot of my own annoyance with people who just turn up uninvited and expect to come in comes a lot from my time doing live-in nannying, so many times heading to my room after a long day and found door open and things moved 'because we needed to measure the windows/ check the furniture/ access something' and in two different families in two countries walked past my own bathroom, en-suite, part of my living arrangement to have sole use and found the dad merrily peeing away with door open! Now I feel weird if family pop by without prior warning, like I'm not ready for it. Living alone means I'm not used to it!

Landline phones have been around for a very long time, however. They were; but they required both you and the person your were calling to be at home. Phone boxes were a necessary evil. So phoning to see if it was OK to call wasn't a thing.

So phoning to see if it was OK to call wasn't a thing
Hmm, was in my day (before the advent of mobiles) and is now.

My home - do not drop in. My house, my rules.

I don't really mind drop-ins that much but I do like the fact my living room is on the first floor which is excellent for having a sneaky peak at who it is before deigning to answer the door.

"I suspect if you drew a VEN diagram, poppers-in would overlap with people who are always late and cheeky fuckers; i.e. it’s all about them." Absolutely agree - the only person I used to have that would do this was my sister - now Nc. She is repeatedly hours late for stuff and thinks the world owes her well everything actually!

I am not pregnant but I don't keep well and will sometimes have a bath or nap in the day and it's physically hard to get out the bath and certainly to do so with any speed would be dangerous.

I don't answer the door, landline or mobile unless I want to/am expecting a genuinely important communication.

In this day and age it's just polite and considerate to give people a bit of warning at the very least. Better still to wait for an invitation.

Criticalmass wtf has Xmas got to do with it?! A heavily pregnant woman could well be resting even asleep they should be left in peace, no reason why non emergency callers can't arrange a time to deliver/exchange gifts. No it's the caller that's rude not the op. Plus in my experience the types that call unexpectedly are NOT the types to easily accept "smile and wave" type responses - they EXPECT to be invited in, fed watered and entertained total pita!

Topcat I'm 45, my mother is 70 both of us have managed this change in technology and acceptable behaviour perfectly well. Age is not an excuse.

Semolina I'm sorry but your post drips with arrogant entitlement "dispensing largesse" "blagged"? You not only blagged tea and gin but at a very busy time of year for most you've most likely messed at least one persons carefully timed plans up! People won't have said anything due to British inability to confront and obligation psychology.