To hate people 'calling round'

[Howsthings1234]

I know this probably seems mean but I'm getting quite frustrated with people constantly 'calling round'.

I prefer to know in advance if someone is coming round, even better, I prefer to have actually invited people!

An example - I'm heavily pregnant and felt really shattered the other day so hadn't got dressed one morning. A relative turns up unannounced bangs on the window then the door so I answer in my dressing gown assuming it's something urgent. They were 'calling round' to ask when would be a good time to 'call round' with our Christmas cards and gifts.

Another example - Knock at the door. A friend has 'called round' to see how I am as I had cancelled on going out that night as I was overtired and too pregnant to face it.

Another example - I have just had a text to inform me that another relative may 'call round' tomorrow to pick up something they left here last time they 'called round' a few days ago.

I know it's lovely that people want to see us but I just want to be able to be pregnant and huge in my pjs and dressing gown all day if I want and let the house go to pot and not worry about it!!

AIBU or does anyone actually like people 'calling round' without prior warning??!?

Some people have no boundaries wrt to other people. Everyone is different.

It's not allowed in our house. Unplanned visitors aren't invited in. Yanbu. I see dropping in unannounced on someone as hugely arrogant and selfish to the extent that I don't give a shit about being rude back.

It really depends who it is. I have one friend who visits randomly and I am always delighted. She's sensitive to what is going on in the house and makes it a very quick visit if we're busy or a longer chat if we are relaxed. My PIL however had to be actively discouraged. They would turn up at awful times like 7 or 8pm when I was struggling to get a colicky or feverish baby to sleep and expect to be entertained and hosted (wine, food) on the spur of the moment.

ORIGINALFOOGIRL
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* that’s tickled me!! Loool😂😂

Hah! This is the first MN thread on this topic where the mood is predominantly ‘fuck no’ on dropping in! Have I finally found my people, or are you all just getting sick of Christmas drop-ins?

I work from home, so I’m sometimes still in my dressing gown till midday (avoiding a wardrobe change with gym or a meeting in my schedule). I hate drop-ins cos it makes me look like a lazy person when really I’m not.

Also, I don’t drink coffee or eat sugar so I need time to stock up on bikkies from the shops if I’m having visitors over. Hate not being able to offer them something.

We put a large bench seat in our front porch so everyone can drop off / pick up stuff without ringing the bell. Just for this reason. Bah Humbug.

I found people were so divided on this, I answer my door more than I used to but I feel if it's someone I know they'll give me a call outside or before coming so generally won't answer unless the knock sounds urgent. I hate it when someone knocks frantically and it's someone going door to door

Calling first is so easy nowadays with mobile phones, no reason to turn up unannounced.

ForalltheSaints.

Exactly.

Anyone who doesn't do this is obviously rude, no boundaries, total airheads.

But won't be shy about criticising things. I know this.

My door is SHUT if you don't let me know you are thinking of calling in.

Feck that.

I actually don't mind it too much, if I know in advance I will be dressed and I may have bleached the loo. If you're on the off chance, I may be in my pj's and you take me as you find me. I spent 20 mins talking to the window cleaner the other day who was an old customer of mine when I was a bank manager. The only issue was he'd called after 8 at night for money and I was in my onesie :)

The only ones that drop in on me are my parents. I told my mum off because she rang to see if I was home whilst parked outside my bloody house.

No one else would dare.

When I move ed to my house in the suburbs for about 3 months I was answering the door to neighbours for odds and sods. Usually next doors kid who'd kicked his ball over. Sweet kid, really polite.

Then one morning he rings whilst I'm getting ready for work. Still sweet, he apologizes, nips in and out no problem. Feeling all smug and wonderful and accepting of world.

Next time though, I'm hungover, wearing my shorty dressing gown that shows my bum. I'm upstairs, having just switched the telly off luckily. He rings, and I can see it's him. I decide to leave it. Kid turns from polite to ragingly unreasonable, Bangalore on the door repeatedly and rings the bell for another 5m whilst my boyfriend laughs at me hiding (him being naked in bed).

I would tell his mum, but she's lovely and would be mortified and tell him not to knock again probably, and I can normally handle it.

We live in a community where nobody locks their doors. Everyone wanders in and out of each others houses, even if you don't know the person.

Sometimes it drives me fucking mental but it's handy when you've run out of something (sugar, herbs etc) and you can just go to someone else's house and borrow it even if they're not in.

I hate it too. AND it's always just at the wrong time. I love my own company and don't want to share it talking crap about things I have no interest in.

Yippyyappy sorry but that's my idea of hell!

yippy

that is a high price to pay for a few herbs or a spoon of sugar now!

I think you are joking or perhaps having a laugh with us all, well I hope you are!

I love it, but then it doesn't happen all that often. I'm quite happy to say if it's not a good time, but some of my best days have been friends just turning up on the way from somewhere to somewhere else, on the off chance I happen to be free

YANBU, I hate people calling at my home unannounced.

No one ever drops in on me
I kind of wish they did. I don't have any family nearby and friends usually text ahead.

I can see that if it happened a lot it would get frustrating. I do like to tidy up a bit before someone comes and clean the piss off the downstairs loo, not my own piss mind you, my 5yo DS has aiming difficulties

I’m another who can’t understand this mumsnet obsession with not answering g the door! (Appreciate that isn’t quite what this OP is on about)

I love people dropping by and frequently drop by other people. Sometimes wth a quick text, other times not.

I never judge anyone else’s housework, and expect no one to judge mine. They’ve come to see me not write in my dust, and if it bothers them they can clean my kitchen for me! We live rurally and most of us have farmhouse style kitchens- clean surfaces and scrubbed tables but not sparkly floors. Slate and terracotta are very forgiving 🙈

I’ve just got back from popping to ask a neighbour a question..... I went over at 7.45pm! Two cups of coffee, one mince pie and a shared bottle of wine later...

Thinking about it, i have some friends who know where the keys are and the code to key safe, and will let themselves in if they are there before me. And I regularly visit a particular friend who never locks her door- I just wander in and wait for her, but do normally text in that situation. She may not lock her door, but she breeds German shepherd guard dogs..,., you don’t go into hers without her unless her dogs know you!

In the age of texting it is completely unacceptable. Even 5 minutes warning is more helpful than "fuck who's that at the door?".

If I've just cleaned and tidied I quote like it but it always happens when I've just got in and the house is not as I'd like it. Just 30 min warning would be enough!

Now that we can alert people, DO IT!

I cannot understand the dropping in at random stuff anymore now.

They will be quick enough to post on Bookface you can be sure of that.

This has been a real eye - opener. Do you think this forum is representative of the UK generally, or is it maybe a haven for eloquent introverts who communicate brilliantly online but back away from face-to-face? Genuine question as I'm surprised at the strength of feeling here.

Personally, I'd always answer the door, but if the person is local and I'm not feeling well I'd just chat to them on the doorstep. Otherwise, sometimes a spontaneous chat can be lovely and I love feeling that people want to see us I have several friends who don't use mobile phones - technophobes. One of them just popped round the other day, when I was in the middle of something. I yelled "Kids, give X a cup of tea. X, I'm busy, chat to kids and I'll be along later". House was a tip, but who cares? Letting someone else see your house in a state if a gift to give them in itself - takes off the pressure for them to be perfect .
I had always wondered why some people are so apologetic about popping by unannounced to drop something off. Now it occurs to me that they may hate to be on the receiving end themselves & I've probably done it!! Oops...

Give five minutes or more notice via a text if you are considerate.

It is so easy isn't it?

Anyone nowadays who doesn't do this is off the wall IMO.