To hate people 'calling round'

[Howsthings1234]

I know this probably seems mean but I'm getting quite frustrated with people constantly 'calling round'.

I prefer to know in advance if someone is coming round, even better, I prefer to have actually invited people!

An example - I'm heavily pregnant and felt really shattered the other day so hadn't got dressed one morning. A relative turns up unannounced bangs on the window then the door so I answer in my dressing gown assuming it's something urgent. They were 'calling round' to ask when would be a good time to 'call round' with our Christmas cards and gifts.

Another example - Knock at the door. A friend has 'called round' to see how I am as I had cancelled on going out that night as I was overtired and too pregnant to face it.

Another example - I have just had a text to inform me that another relative may 'call round' tomorrow to pick up something they left here last time they 'called round' a few days ago.

I know it's lovely that people want to see us but I just want to be able to be pregnant and huge in my pjs and dressing gown all day if I want and let the house go to pot and not worry about it!!

AIBU or does anyone actually like people 'calling round' without prior warning??!?

An elderly man friend of the family will do this to us twice a day, phone 3 times and email once. He might then leave a carrier bag with 'interesting clippings' from newspapers and magazines.
Sometimes we padlock the driveway gate.
We love him really, but it's over the limit.
In more normal circumstances, yes, agree OP, it's annoying, but it's very British to be annoyed somehow. Other cultures are more welcoming of spontaneous visits and I try to be more like they are. It would be sad to be someone who was never called on.

The only person I allow to pop round is my Dsis who's house is more untidy than mine

Not sure that it's UK thing , I'm from "other culture" and hate spontaneous visits...

I'm not joking. I've started to lock my door and everyone thinks I'm a right miserable fucker. I don't care, my mil walked in on me stark naked last week and since then I've been locking when I remember!

I can't bear it. You need some wooden shutters and some privacy. Sorry to tell you but it will be worse when the baby arrives. Get prepared now. You deserve to relax

Hate it. I need notice to scoop up the dog hair and clear the kitchen table. And put on a bra.

It's definitely an American thing that nobody here has curtains, calls round and stays for dinner with no notice etc.

I'd call myself reserved even for a Brit so I'm just flat out rude sometimes.

Yes hate it too. Only one person does it fairly regularly. Once he starts talking, he's here hours, interspersed with "I really should go, I expect you're busy etc" but still doesn't. Can't pretend to be out 1. Because we have loads of windows in our hall 2. Kids shout excitedly that he's here and tend to answer the door (then abandon me to do the entertaining! )

Trying to think how I could tactfully suggest a warning text or phone call. It's not because I'm concerned with how clean the house is (would be with most people but he doesn't notice such things). I just hate to be surprised in that way.

yippyyappy
We live in a community where nobody locks their doors. Everyone wanders in and out of each others houses, even if you don't know the person.

Oh I’d never fit in there. What about privacy and security? Wouldnt that fuck up your contents insurance?

YANBU I hate it and think it's rather rude! I know the people who do this don't mean to/realise it's a huge inconvenience and anxiety enduing.

When me and my OH got together his family would do this all of the time! Once we were 'in the moment' in the front room and my hard of hearing FIL decided to open the door with his key! We were shouting, "Don't come in!" Which made him shuffle down the hall way further shouting back "what?" "what did you say son?".

I laugh about it now but I was traumatised at the time.

We made it clear that if anyone wants to visit, they have to text first! It took a while for it to really sink it, we even turned away a few people and pretended not to be in so that people got the picture. But everyone knows where they stand now and whenever someone visits they're very welcome because we were expecting them! So it's better for everyone :)

I hate it too but my DH feels like he's not properly alive unless his house is open to all.

We've had to compromise.

Cheapsausages My OH feels the same. I think it's because men tend to care less if the house is messy, don't have makeup/hair problems and in general aren't held to such a high standard of house cleanliness as women are?? That's my guess anyway!

Margarita it's true....DH is Australian and since moving here to Oz, I've relaxed considerably about the household mess and my own image.

There's a LOT less pressure on women here...oddly....as I assumed it would be tough, due to being warm...that I'd have to be toned and tanned and fit. But in actual fact, women here are far more relaxed about their clothing and bodies.

I've realised nobody here cares if my legs are less than firm at the top or if they're lilly white.

Same for my arms...people just don't care.

Houses aren't as showcasy either.

Invites only here.

Hate it.

Once we'd planned a movie night with the kids. Just popped the popcorn and then knock knock - one of DH's friends who then settled in for the night .

I think it's incredibly entitled to arrive and assume you are more important than whatever the rest of the family is doing.

On my precious day off I'd drop my DC at school and look forward to getting home to relax for five. Not great in mornings and must confess to having run in and out to school run, head down, hoping not to see my friends at that point as they are all morning people and I just wanted to go home and slob.

A few times my friend would follow me, waving, in her car and pull up on my drive behind me, inviting herself in for coffee.

God that would bug me as I'm so rubbish in the mornings. I love our nights out and coffees when I'm ready, but that was too much.

There are very few people I'm comfortable enough with that I'd allow them to "drop by" unannounced. Coincidentally, perhaps, they are all the sort of people who would NEVER do such a thing.

I always thought this was just me. I really don't like it.

I hate it. I don't like my plans being disrupted even if those plans are just stay at home doing nothing and speaking to no-one.

As long as it's not too early in the day I'm ok with callers (I am so not a morning person).
I don't get the "spending the day in my Pjs" thing, I prefer to shower & dress &I wear proper clothes. You wear pjs for upwards of 6 or 7 hours in bed, longer is gross. They're not warm enough either.

I live in a small village. One of the joys of village life is the popping in. I was born and bought up in a similar village and wanted this type of life for our family.
There are a few who would be horrified at being 'popped in' on. (unsurprisingly these are urbanites who have recently moved here) so they are given a wide berth but most of my neighbours would think you a bit weird for asking if it ok to drop in.

We have a really unique system though for letting people know a visit isn't convenient. It goes like this...

Neighbour rings doorbell and asks if I fancy a cup tea and a chat. If I'm not busy I say that will be lovely come in. If I am busy I say to the neighbour 'I'm really sorry but I'm busy/tired/working etc . Neighbour and I make another date convenient to both.
My house may or may not be tidy. But I have 7 teenagers/twenties and my neighbours know this. Therefore they visit at their own peril. If they want a show home then don't come to mine.

Personally I would rather have this life than one filled with formal invitations but I've never given a stuff about what people think about my home. If you like to pop in - then you must take as you find. !!

Half fucking eight this morning there is a hammering on the door, dh's friend, four hours early at half fucking eight!!! I am in bed as its my first morning off, dd1 is getting ready for school, shit everywhere and he's drinking coffee, at half fucking eight, who does that?????

It's one of the things that has really changed over the last 50 years ago. Before mobiles, many people would think it was a bit rude if you were in their area and hadn't knocked. It's really weird when the whole idea of what's good manners has swung round to the polar opposite in your lifetime. You can get used to new technology. Unlearning what's been ingrained in you as politeness is a bit more difficult.

I love it when people just turn up!

It's always a nice surprise to open the door & see a mate instead of the expected postie!

I think it's a sign that we're true friends personally. Even if the house is less than pristine, so are theirs....

I hate it because it somehow always happens at the worst possible time like when I’m in Pjs with hairdye in and the house is a tip, never when I’m fully dressed with a tidy house and a batch of scones just out of the oven.