To hate people 'calling round'

[Howsthings1234]

I know this probably seems mean but I'm getting quite frustrated with people constantly 'calling round'.

I prefer to know in advance if someone is coming round, even better, I prefer to have actually invited people!

An example - I'm heavily pregnant and felt really shattered the other day so hadn't got dressed one morning. A relative turns up unannounced bangs on the window then the door so I answer in my dressing gown assuming it's something urgent. They were 'calling round' to ask when would be a good time to 'call round' with our Christmas cards and gifts.

Another example - Knock at the door. A friend has 'called round' to see how I am as I had cancelled on going out that night as I was overtired and too pregnant to face it.

Another example - I have just had a text to inform me that another relative may 'call round' tomorrow to pick up something they left here last time they 'called round' a few days ago.

I know it's lovely that people want to see us but I just want to be able to be pregnant and huge in my pjs and dressing gown all day if I want and let the house go to pot and not worry about it!!

AIBU or does anyone actually like people 'calling round' without prior warning??!?

Has anyone else done this?
Someone calls round unannounced and the house is untidy, washing up by the sink, needs a hoover, clutter in the hall etc. I entertain as best I can then when they leave I embark on a full scale cleaning session just to make myself feel better. I almost want to call them back just to see I'm not really a slob!

Is it just me?

awifeyforlifey
Exactly! I’m rarely popped in on, thank God, but the only people who do it are those seemingly unable to read social cues and who stay for ages ignoring my (admittedly feeble) hints that I have stuff to do. They always give false hope too with their “I’m just popping in”,“I won’t stay” empty promises.
I’m too craven to be rude but by the end I could weep. I hate that thing where you feel hesitant about starting to prep dinner because you can feel their nerve endings twitch in hope of an invitation. I usually say sorry I can’t offer any, as I’ve only enough for two.
My worst was about 18 months ago. An after-work popper-in friend of mine ended up being shovelled into my husband’s car and guided to her front door as she was too pissed to drive after accepting “a small glass” of wine at some point in the evening and becoming tired and emotional. I was at work at 7.30 the next morning.

Sorry, - for hog to add it was around midnight!

I'm happy for people to pop round as long as they text saying 'Can i call round if you're in. I'll be 15/20 mins'.

That said, I regularly call round my in laws with next to no notice when I'm passing. They usually text to say they're callinh round to us.

I wouldn't just turn uo at a friends house though

I hate it. My parents used to do it when I owned my first home. They would just show up on the weekend at 8am in the morning. I had to explain to them that I worked all week and liked to have a lie in sometimes. It didn't stop them until I just stopped answering the door. When my parents were children they had family all living in the same street so were in and out of each other's houses, it isn't like that anymore. I don't like people just turning up I like notice!

I hate it too. I think it's so rude and entitled to just turn up and expect people to drop whatever it is they're doing to entertain you. I see MNetters say 'I've never met someone in RL who doesn't open their door' - well, that's me! I don't. I can see out of a window if it's a delivery and our local man is really good he hides my parcels for me if I'm out anyway so I don't miss stuff.

The only people who don't like it is my DM and DMIL. They think they are allowed to turn up whenever they like (especially just as I am giving DD dinner, or starting bedtime routine etc which they both seem to try to do frequently). When I've told them both I don't like it and to please call or text me first, they've both muttered about 'I shouldn't need invitations' . Nonsense - they don't need to wait for an invitation just spend ten seconds sending a text saying 'are you in/busy?'. They don't do it now I've stopped answering the door.

@MaudlinMews it would invalidate insurance! People don't even lock their doors here when they go on holiday for two weeks. Nobody ever takes their keys out of their cars either. This does come in handy sometimes when you need to borrow and car for any reason.

Yes! If I'm home I want to take my make up off, put my comfy clothes on and slob around or do the cleaning / washing whatever. I don't understand those people who are 100% presentable to the public / random visitors at all times.

How do you do it? Do you keep special visitor biscuits / cakes? When I do that, nobody ever decides to drop in! How is your house never a mess? I have questions.

Are you in forrin yippy ?

In UK this would definitely invalidate any house or car insurance claims.

I hate It! Our neighbour was awful for this when my DC was a baby, she used to just pop round ALL the time, usually when DC was napping and I wanted to get some housework done. She used to stay for up to 3 hours as well. The worst bit was she knew I was in, with living right next door, so I couldn't pretend to be out! My FIL went through a phase of turning up at 9am on a Saturday and Sunday!

I am in forrin.

It invalidates ours too (I actually have started locking the house when we're away now).

There hasn't been a burglary here in over 30!years though.

I just hate anyone coming into my house full stop 🙈 it's my space and my anxiety plays up at least if we're somewhere else and it gets bad I can leave, when people are at my house I can't escape 😂 my MIL has been badmouthing me to anyone that will listen saying I'm keeping her from her grandchildren when I'm not, I am always free to see them just not when it's last minute and they just expect me to drop everything. It makes my anxiety worse x

And car insurance here works differently. The car is insured not the person. Which is brilliant.

Although someone taking it without express knowledge I'm sure would still invalidate it.

I hate it. My SIL always used to call round unannounced, and always really early, while I was in the middle of housework. Luckily we fell out about ten years back.

I think it's so rude and entitled to just turn up and expect people to drop whatever it is they're doing to entertain you.

This exactly!

It's not the state of the house that bothers me, because I have never understood how people can live in 2 modes: visitor ready - and regular days. My home is clean and tidy for my family, I don't need to spend hours before visitors arrive.

My issue is time! I try to work a lot from home, so I am busy. The kids have activities planned, homework, it's simply inconvenient when you have a busy schedule. Would you pop into somebody's office and expect them to drop everything to offer you a cuppa? Why would someone think it's more acceptable in my home?

I totally agree with you OP. It's incredibly rude to go to someone's house without an invitation.

I think it's so rude and entitled to just turn up and expect people to drop whatever it is they're doing to entertain you.

So very much this!

I can't imagine this happening - I don't know anyone who'd do that. Any meet ups are pre arranged, usually fairly far in advance (are you around this weekend / next weekend etc). Can't imagine ever just saying 'I'm in the neighbourhood are you around RIGHT NOW', let alone popping in unannounced. I don't have any family in within 200 miles though, so rarely have people round to our house in any case.

I don't even call someone without texting to check when they're free to catch up, and vice versa. If the phone rings I immediately think that an emergency has happened!!

I detest this. Someone had left something in my house and called round the next day to pick it up. I only opened the door because I thought it was amazon man and I dont care what they see. I was wearing "house clothes" (ok pijamas) at 10 because I was doing some work on my laptop (research for a course, not browsing anthropologie sale). I felt VIOLATED. This person only sees me in a "professional" way so it was awful. Not happy at all. Rude.

I detest being popped in on and can probably be heard saying 'who in the fuck is that?' from the other side.

I only answer in case it's Amazon.

I hate this with a passion. Texting 20 minutes before is just as rude in my opinion. I dislike visitors in general to be honest and I’d like at least a few hours or a days notice... I know I sound a miserable cow but I really just enjoy my personal space and dislike MIL in my personal space.

Hahahaha Dancing- this is me too!

I hate it when people come round unannounced. Absolutely can't stand it....inevitably when they call I won't be dressed/ have make up on and the house will be a complete mess.

Appearances aren't everything but when you're so busy all the time it's good to get some freakin notice!

There is no excuse for not texting or phoning ahead these days. It is very presumptuous and rude to just rock up unannounced IMO.

You could be doing anything ahem!!

I am in a minority here, but isn't this all "not answering" a bit anti social.

If I had friends who never answered their door, they would fall into the category of too hard work and eventually stop being friends.

I surround myself with people who are pleased to see me, generally.

But then, I grew up when mobile's were not around, and phone calls were considered for emergencies / important stuff.

For all those people who refuse to answer the door, what about when a parcel is being delivered?

I am not keen on unannounced guests coming round for a visit but will always answer the door. Might be postman or a neighbour with an issue.

And if it was a friend, which is unusual for my friends and family to do unannounced, I would still invite them in.