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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to take toddlers out to dinner at 7.30pm

139 replies

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 21/12/2017 15:15

I have a 14 month old and a 2.7 year old and my family have organised a meal in a restaurant (a nice restaurant not a kiddie friendly one) this week, table booked for 7.30pm.

I think it's a bad idea to take my two very young children with me to a crowded restaurant at 7.30pm in the week before Christmas. I know they're not going to be able to just sit at a table for two hours and I'll end up spending a large part of the evening walking around trying to keep them occupied and the rest of the evening will be spent trying to stop them grabbing glasses etc off the table.

My family have the major hump with me and think IABU because I've said I can't come because I don't want to bring them with me and I don't have anyone free to babysit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
yummyeclair · 21/12/2017 17:07

Ours were in bed by 7.30pm and we compromised by just me or my partner going as no babysitter. Then next time we suggested a Christmas lunch at child friendly restaurant . I think other family members do not realise it is impossible to have an enjoyable evening meal out with young children.

nuttyknitter · 21/12/2017 17:10

You obviously need to do what's best for your own family. However, my DD has often done this with my DGD (now 4) by ensuring she has a late nap, usually by taking her for a drive, so she can comfortably stay up past her usual bedtime. It means that they can still meet up with the rest of the extended family who are still child free.

BewareOfDragons · 21/12/2017 17:11

Suggest that you have some shopping to do and how great it will be to do it without having to take your little ones with you. Tell them you will deliver the children to the restaurant and pick them up at the end of the evening ... they will immediately tell you what a terrible idea that is no doubt, for the obvious reasons you've been giving them!

Whinesalot · 21/12/2017 17:12

Nope. It's their fault for not taking the children into account when making the arrangements.

underneaththeash · 21/12/2017 17:22

2 mobile under 3's in a nice restaurant does not sound like a fun night for anyone.

Just leave DH at home and go alone.

pestov · 21/12/2017 17:23

I just hate letting people down.

They have let you down by choosing an event that it totally inappropriate for you to attend. Don't feel bad at all!

natwebb79 · 21/12/2017 17:24

@BeyondThePage - We 'do stuff' by going out separately with friends/family or getting babysitters every so often. It's only for a few years out of our whole lives until DC are bigger. If somebody tried to drag me to a boring place at 1am and made me stay there for 2 hours with no entertainment and then endure an hour's drive home when I'm ready to sleep by 11pm I'd have a shit time. I should imagine my two would feel the same if I insisted they sit in a dull (for them) restaurant from 30 minutes past the time their bodies are naturally ready to sleep until everybody had eaten 3 courses and had coffee. It's great it works for you but for the OP it would be a complete nightmare and most of us on here can relate.

LineyRunner · 21/12/2017 17:25

An hour's drive each way? City centre on a busy evening? On your own with two toddlers? Proper restaurant at 7.30pm?

Who the fuck thought you would want to manage this - you're being bullied by someone in your own family and it's not nice. (My own mother has form for this sort of crap.)

Enidblyton1 · 21/12/2017 17:26

YANBU, people forget so quickly what it's like to have young children!
If the restaurant had been kiddie friendly I would have probably suggested you go, but only on the understanding that family members would help you out (i.e. Passing child to granny when he starts figiting!). But as it's a very nice restaurant I just don't think it's suitable at all. A bit different in other countries where it's more normal to take kids out in the evening, but the UK is a long way behind.

LineyRunner · 21/12/2017 17:30

OP has already said her DP is working.

SeaCabbage · 21/12/2017 17:31

You won't be letting anyone down.

If anything, the people who invited you or expect you to come, are letting you down. Massively.

DancesWithOtters · 21/12/2017 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurryWorst · 21/12/2017 17:34

The rest of the world thanks you for not taking a baby and toddler to a fancy restaurant after bedtime

The rest of the world couldn't give a shiny shite if she does or not.

GoodLittleWoman · 21/12/2017 17:34

When do people DO stuff !)

Does life only happen in the evening for you?

isadoradancing123 · 21/12/2017 17:39

It will be no fun for you, you will be totally on edge and the children will be tired and irritable. I def wouldn't do it

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/12/2017 17:42

Op is being v sensible and she knows her own kids,and I think it sounds potentially problematic

Im a parent too,but in a “nice” restaurant I don’t want to see/hear grisly kids
I want some adult time to talk,listen and not be checking the kids are okay

Girlsworld92 · 21/12/2017 17:43

Defo not unreasonable not to go.

CottonSock · 21/12/2017 17:44

Yanbu at all. I eat out with mine at lunch or 5pm and nowhere posh, otherwise destined to be a nightmare

Glittertwins · 21/12/2017 17:49

I wouldn't have done it at that time. I guess the 14mth old is too big for a carry car seat thing so would be unlikely to sleep? I doubt a toddler would be happy either.
Even though my pair are nearly 10, a table booking at 7:30pm means no food before 8pm realistically and they'd be starting to get tetchy. 7:30pm food at home is no problem.

Smitff · 21/12/2017 17:51

My MIL used to do this, when she didn’t want me to be there/only wanted DH to be there. She stopped when DH decided to stay home with the kids once.

VeganIan · 21/12/2017 17:53

An hour's drive as well? Ain't no one got time for that shit!

BrownLiverSpot · 21/12/2017 17:56

YANBU, I have had to do something similar a couple of times and it's a nightmare for everyone involved, even when the kids are fairly well behaved.

WitchesHatRim · 21/12/2017 17:57

7.30 is not early

It isn't late either for those who have to get from work during the week tbh.

honeysucklejasmine · 21/12/2017 18:01

Hell no! We were invited to a family party, 2.5 hours away starting at 6pm. We have a toddler and a newborn. Nope. Nooooo. Even if we lived closer, 6pm is too late to start a party. (It was on the weekend and no-one works Saturdays)

Honeycombcrunch · 21/12/2017 18:03

YANBU. Your family have forgotten what it's like to have little children. Don't let your family continue to make you feel guilty - just continue to say you won't be joining them.

Remind your family that you all want what is best for your children and sticking to their bedtime routine is more important than being dragged out for a meal in a posh restaurant with people they don't know and won't remember. If the relatives really wanted to see your children they would arrange to see them earlier in the day or at another time in a child friendly place.