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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to take toddlers out to dinner at 7.30pm

139 replies

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 21/12/2017 15:15

I have a 14 month old and a 2.7 year old and my family have organised a meal in a restaurant (a nice restaurant not a kiddie friendly one) this week, table booked for 7.30pm.

I think it's a bad idea to take my two very young children with me to a crowded restaurant at 7.30pm in the week before Christmas. I know they're not going to be able to just sit at a table for two hours and I'll end up spending a large part of the evening walking around trying to keep them occupied and the rest of the evening will be spent trying to stop them grabbing glasses etc off the table.

My family have the major hump with me and think IABU because I've said I can't come because I don't want to bring them with me and I don't have anyone free to babysit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ilovecamping · 21/12/2017 16:31

With you on this one, your family are being very thoughtless.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/12/2017 16:31

No, not a chance. That isn't a nice meal out for you, it's a stressful time.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2017 16:32

Well unless you think the Spanish are another species, it is kind of relevant because it shows it can be done and is routinely done and can work just fine.

It isnt relevant at all o this thread.

Whether Britain should be more like Europe in regards to children out in the evenings is something that would make an interesing discussion, but it its hardly going to help the OP right now is it?

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2017 16:38

Oh sorry, I thought the OP was looking for opinions and options and anecdata, not an echo chamber. My bad.

Seasonseatings · 21/12/2017 16:41

Blame a mystery illness/looks like toddler is coming down with a bug and cancel?

crunchymint · 21/12/2017 16:43

Most adults who work could not make it earlier to a meal out. I have known friends with babies saying they couldn't see me after 6.30pm, I didn't get back from work till then. I can meet people straight from work at about 6pm if we meet somewhere close to my work. So saying the adults are not taking the kids needs into account is nonsense.

crunchymint · 21/12/2017 16:44

The Spanish have very different routines for their children. Lots of sleep midday.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2017 16:46

Oh sorry, I thought the OP was looking for opinions and options and anecdata

What she wanted was to know if she was wrong to not take them out to this meal, knowing what would happen if she did.

I am still unable to see how telling her that if she was in Spain it would be fine is in anyway useful, given that neither she nor the restaurant are actually in Spain.

GoodLittleWoman · 21/12/2017 16:46

Well unless you think the Spanish are another species, it is kind of relevant because it shows it can be done and is routinely done and can work just fine.

Yes. When the kids are used to it. You can't expect kids who routinely go to bed at 7 to suddenly be ok having to behave in a restaurant past their bedtime.

Really don't understand what is difficult to understand about that TBH.

GoodLittleWoman · 21/12/2017 16:47

And I come from a Latin culture where kids are routinely out and about til all hours. Truth be told it was a pita when I was a kid and it's a pita now.

BackBoiler · 21/12/2017 16:48

YADNBU I am quite relaxed with bedtimes but tbh if I am paying for a meal I want to enjoy it and with two small children your meal with be shovelled down before they get bored.

It is just going to be busy and stressful and you are likely to get a headache and/or indigestion!

Original poster
DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 21/12/2017 16:48

If it was local I would most definitely pop in even if we just stayed and had a starter but it's an hour drive away, really busy town centre, will have to pack in a multi story car park and drag out buggy etc... I just hate letting people down.

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 21/12/2017 16:49

Well unless you think the Spanish are another species, it is kind of relevant because it shows it can be done and is routinely done and can work just fine.

Except everything is set up for this! children to what we consider an old age are routinely napping for most of the afternoon so aren't tired in the evening. The OP would have to change her whole family's routine to fit round one evening, when normally in the UK the afternoon is the best part of the day, her DCs would sleep through most of it. Our pre-schools, playgrounds, playdates etc assume children aren't sleeping 4+ hours in the day by 2/3/4. (There are a lot of Spanish families in our town, and their children really struggle with starting school reception due to being used to sleeping most of the afternoon)

Restaurants are designed to have children in them, staff are prepared for children. (Although in proper 'posh' restaurants in Spain you rarely see children) Other diners expect children to be wandering around.

You can't just take one bit of how a different culture does things, try to shove it on a child raised with UK norms, and expect that one bit to work.

wowbutter · 21/12/2017 16:50

Oh good god, no way would I do this.
The latest I would book a meal with my toddler is 6pm, and we tend to do this very occasionally if we have an event.
Half seven, mine would be climbing the walls, unable to eat, screaming. It's past his bedtime and he likes routine.
Would they not make the meal earlier at all?
My compromise I
Would be a meal at six, and sat for one course, and then leave. But, that doesn't sound fun and a lot of people won't compromise so we tend to just not go.

Firenight · 21/12/2017 16:50

Mine would be and are fine with that but it’s not the norm in the U.K.

BackBoiler · 21/12/2017 16:53

PS op my DS2 between the ages of 1 and 3 loved to dash behind the counter of whatever shop/pub/restaurant we were in. I have been in Clarks store room, Greggs kitchen grabbing wine glasses from behind a bar at a halloween party at the snooker club, McDonalds, yes he ducked under the arm of a member of staff that came through the door from the kitchen.

He actually stopped me socialising!

Amummyatlast · 21/12/2017 16:54

What do they do in Spain with children that don't nap? It's been years since DD (age 4) had a nap during the day, at her insistence.

OP, family tried to so similar with us. Fortunately BIL said no before we had to. I'm still not really looking forward to the rearranged daytime lunch, having to sit through three courses and keep DD entertained. (I find it boring as an adult.) YANBU.

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2017 16:54

Jesus wept. My children are British. Yet we were still able to go out late at night in Spain and Italy and they coped fine. Unless you are going to point to their foreign genes as the reason, or think Spain is somehow magic, this would suggest that it is sometimes OK for toddlers to go to restaurants in the evening.

Does that mean the OP should take her kids out? No. But it is no less a relevent anacdote than the dozens up thread telling her "ooh, no, we did it and it was terrible, your families are idiots."

crackerjacket · 21/12/2017 16:55

YANBU.

Utter madness.

JoeMaplin · 21/12/2017 16:56

Definitely not. It will be rubbish for you for a start! I'd only consider this now and youngest is 6 1/2! And not because j don't think kids should be in restaurants but they will be wired because of Christmas anyway, like you say - it will be crowded, so stressful for ypy.

PumpkinSquash · 21/12/2017 16:58

YANBU. Mine would have been utter nightmares if had to go out for a meal in a restaurant at that age.
DS1 definitely would have been, DS2 may have been OK though.
You know your kids and what they'll be like.
I personally wouldn't, as if it's past their usual bedtimes it's asking for trouble in my experience which isn't fair on the other diners Smile

drspouse · 21/12/2017 16:58

this is the norm in Spain and Italy and I must admit I did it regularly there
With children who are used to doing it and used to a later bedtime. And often used to sleeping in a buggy.

I'd take my DCs out late to a family party in a child-friendly house, now, even though it's a bit past their bedtime.
Not a fancy restaurant though.

MiserableAsSin · 21/12/2017 17:00

I totally understand op. They're not annoyed that you're not bringing the children , they're annoyed that you aren't waving your magic childcare wand. Happens to me all the time .

BeyondThePage · 21/12/2017 17:00

My kids are English, I am English, my whole family is English... we live in England (just setting the scene...)

we go out (even did when they were toddlers/babes in arms) and eat at any time up to 8/9pm - when family get home from work, get changed, and can meet up with us

we have never had a problem with this... others do, but by no means everyone,

it takes me aback sometimes when people say "oooh no that's after the kids bedtime" (When do people DO stuff !)

not all kids need "routine", not all kids have set bedtimes.

juneau · 21/12/2017 17:00

YANBU at all. No way would I do this. Plus, after this late meal you've then got to drive an hour home? Bugger that.