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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to take toddlers out to dinner at 7.30pm

139 replies

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 21/12/2017 15:15

I have a 14 month old and a 2.7 year old and my family have organised a meal in a restaurant (a nice restaurant not a kiddie friendly one) this week, table booked for 7.30pm.

I think it's a bad idea to take my two very young children with me to a crowded restaurant at 7.30pm in the week before Christmas. I know they're not going to be able to just sit at a table for two hours and I'll end up spending a large part of the evening walking around trying to keep them occupied and the rest of the evening will be spent trying to stop them grabbing glasses etc off the table.

My family have the major hump with me and think IABU because I've said I can't come because I don't want to bring them with me and I don't have anyone free to babysit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mia1415 · 21/12/2017 15:36

YANBU I wouldn't do it. It will be miserable for your children and you! (and possibly everyone else).

BendingSpoons · 21/12/2017 15:37

Urgh sounds exhausting! I have 1 toddler and would say no. It's not worth it to spend the time keeping 2 small children quiet. They should respect your decision.

MaryPoppinsStoleMyHandbag · 21/12/2017 15:37

Can you invite the family members that you won’t see again to call in to your house on the way at about 6pm so they can see the kids for a bit?

Spudlet · 21/12/2017 15:39

That's a teeeeeerrible idea. Very very very bad. Nooooooo.

Definitely YANBU!

feckoffpeppapig · 21/12/2017 15:40

Pre Kids i probably wouldn't of seen what the issue is.....
However i have 2 under 2 (i know) and anything past 5pm is "witching hour"

Their tired, cranky, bored. It becomes really stressful for me so no
YANBU.....

Whoever is sulking at you clearly has a short memory or doesn't have kids....

thethoughtfox · 21/12/2017 15:41

I also wouldn't do it. We didn't have a dinner out for my recent birthday because of it.

Aki99 · 21/12/2017 15:45

YANBU - I would do the same - I actually tell family that its a pub lunch or not to bother - 17 month old. He eats well but I very vocal - loves to call out to other people and doesn't like to sit still unless he is actually eating. You are simply being considerate

Aki99 · 21/12/2017 15:46

Just saw the time as well - 7.30pm is a no no - his bedtime is 7pm so (from experience) I would also be dealing with a grumpy overtired toddler

nutnerk · 21/12/2017 15:46

Could you maybe say you'll go for 30mins, have a drink and then leave when food arrives? That way its minimal time there for you, people can see the kids.

You need to make it REALLY clear with everyone that 7.30pm is too late and that restaurant isn't appropriate for kids so that this doesn't happen again. They are your kids and this is your parenting so they have to accept it.

elelfrance · 21/12/2017 15:47

nope nope nope

i've done this a few times with my side of the family, where all adults (4 or 5 of us) kind of take it in turn to entertain/run around after the kids (4 & 2). This works reasonably well, as everyone gets a chance to relax a bit

i've done this with DHs side of the family, where no-one other than me or DH would even consider entertaining the children, and its a nightmare for us. They expect them to sit quietly through a leisurely 4 course meal .... so we don't join them for those meals anymore

YeahRightOk · 21/12/2017 15:48

No way. at that time of night, its a very thin line between small kids being giddy and hysterical with energy and then bawling their heads off crying over nothing.
your relatives sound like very hard work.

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 21/12/2017 15:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AntiHop · 21/12/2017 15:48

Absolutely yanbu!

Seeinthedark · 21/12/2017 15:50

Yanbu my 16 month old would be dreadful in a busy restaurant near bedtime.

DeadButDelicious · 21/12/2017 15:50

My DD would be in bed by that time so it wouldn't be doable at all. And I'm certain the other diners would be less than impressed to have my wailing, over tired, 1 year old, screeching her head off while they try to enjoy their dinner. You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/12/2017 15:50

Can you send them a video of how they behave when they are tired and cranky to demonstrate why it is such a bad idea?

Lunde · 21/12/2017 15:50

Ask those that can to pop in for a pre-dinner drink/cup of tea at 6.00-6.30 so they can see the kids and then go on to the dinner

Being at the restaurant will be hell on earth - especially at this time of year

Butterymuffin · 21/12/2017 15:50

YANBU. My only suggestion would be to call in at the start of the meal to drop off presents for the relatives you won't otherwise see, and take any they have for you - then I'd head straight home and get the DC into bed.

Moo678 · 21/12/2017 15:51

There is no way I would have taken either of mine to a meal at 7:30 pm at 14 months. I might possibly have done it when the youngest was 2.7 - but I'm not convinced. Evening meals out only became fun again for us once DD2 turned 4! My kids are much better at lunch time - any chance it could be changed to a lunch....or Pizza Hut at 5:30?

YANBU and I wouldn't go.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2017 15:54

I agree with you. My DS1 would have been OK, but DS2? I'd rather have chewed glass.

And tell those 'humping' family members that they're perfectly free to drop by yours for a few minutes during the day OR en route to dinner to see you and the children and share Xmas greetings. Too much trouble for them? Tell them that's how you feel about chasing/soothing overly tired toddlers at a restaurant with other tables glaring at you!

speakout · 21/12/2017 15:57

Nope wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't care who takes the hump.

It's not fair on the kids, not fair on you, not fair on other diners.

Even the best behaved toddler will end up a hot mess asked to sit dining with an adult when they should be tucked up in bed.

My kids loved eating out when they were that age and generally very well behaved, but I only ever too them at lunch time or tea time.

Emmasmum2013 · 21/12/2017 15:58

YANBU
When my DD was smaller, her bedtime was around 7pm. She was always getting tired and winding down by 6:30 so trying to take her out anywhere at that time would have been a nightmare. I always just apologised to relatives who organised stuff at that time, and explained that it wouldn't be a good idea and I'd end up leaving early anyway. Its a shame because I missed out on a few get-togethers but better than if we'd took her and been stressed the whole time!

Mimsy123 · 21/12/2017 15:59

@idontlikealdi

I wouldn’t have done it. It’ll be shut for you, the kids and the knees in the restaurant. Mine needed to be in bed on tome at that age.

Sorry, but I read that in the voice of the policeman from ‘Allo ‘Allo. “The knees in the restaurant” though. What on earth?

MentholBreeze · 21/12/2017 15:59

So my kids would cope, but they're used to restaurants, I wouldn't have any hesitation handing out the ipads (and headphones.. and internet dongle), and I'd request that they brought it forward an hour if possible because by 9:30 I might end up carrying them both (!)

If not, I would be leaving early instead, because it's just not pleasant past the point where the kids are trying to fall asleep under the table.

Marcine · 21/12/2017 16:00

Pub lunch, sure. This wouldn't be fun for me though.