Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Refusing to take toddlers out to dinner at 7.30pm

139 replies

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 21/12/2017 15:15

I have a 14 month old and a 2.7 year old and my family have organised a meal in a restaurant (a nice restaurant not a kiddie friendly one) this week, table booked for 7.30pm.

I think it's a bad idea to take my two very young children with me to a crowded restaurant at 7.30pm in the week before Christmas. I know they're not going to be able to just sit at a table for two hours and I'll end up spending a large part of the evening walking around trying to keep them occupied and the rest of the evening will be spent trying to stop them grabbing glasses etc off the table.

My family have the major hump with me and think IABU because I've said I can't come because I don't want to bring them with me and I don't have anyone free to babysit.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Shmithecat · 21/12/2017 16:01

Yanbu. I wouldn't do it. My 2yo DS handles late bedtimes pretty well but he won't sit still for 2 bloody minutes. Not exactly fun for me.

Tinty · 21/12/2017 16:01

My Dsil used to think I was very unreasonable insisting that we either go to a child friendly restaurant early, or we didn't go (for her birthday). I can understand that you want to go to a grown up restaurant for your birthday, but don't expect your 2 year old Dnephew to sit still and behave for 3 hours.

Now she has young DC herself, apparently everyone has to go to child friendly restaurants, early in the evenings for all childrens and adults birthdays, funny that

speakout · 21/12/2017 16:02

ipads (and headphones.. and internet dongle)

For a 14 month old baby? Really?

CardinalCat · 21/12/2017 16:05

It depends on how good a restaurant you mean, in respect of the appropriateness of your children being there. If it's a stuffy silver service type place, or Michelin starred/ fine dining, then it would be so boring for your children and uncomfortable for you if they so much as sneezed. however you mean somewhere nice but vaguely friendly (like the ivy) then I would do this, and we take our family kids out occasionally for meals at restaurants like this, at this time (even though it's close to bedtime), and they mostly behave brilliantly. Any misbehaviour and they are removed. However, we've always taken children out to restaurants (our family owns restaurants and it's a huge part of our life) so it's second nature to them, and we would jiggle naps and afternoon food to ensure that they're hungry and not overtired for the meal. We have quite fluid routines anyway, so it's not a big deal, and on holidays they are used to coming to dinner with us at 8 and staying up late.

Having said all that, if you do not regularly do this then YANBU at all in saying that this isn't going to work for your family. They really must be quite unempathetic if they can't accept that you know your own children and their limitations best!

ReanimatedSGB · 21/12/2017 16:06

Is the restaurant near enough to your home for your family to either drop in for a drink and chat on the way, or for you to join them for half an hour or so and then go home? If it's miles away, then don't be pressured into making a quick visit as you will then be trying to get two raging, overtired toddlers home while the rest of the family enjoy their meal.

TakeMe2Insanity · 21/12/2017 16:08

Gosh I had to take my toddler to the gp last night at 7:30 and that was awful sitting through a meal would be worse.

It is different in Italy and Spain as the whole culture/expectation of toddlers and children is different.

ILookedintheWater · 21/12/2017 16:08

Is the restaurant fairly local? If so, and given that this is the only extended family get-together this year so you won't see some of these people again over Christmas, I would dress the kids up, go to join everyone for pre-dinner drinks, then when they go to the table you come home (with take-out for one!). Everyone gets the chance to be charmed by your cute toddlers but no-one has to put up with them once they get bored and you don't have top corral them all evening.

BestZebbie · 21/12/2017 16:09

If it was a lunch time meal I think YABU, in that it would be awkward but it would be worth it to have the family occasion.
A booking starting at 7.30 (so not even eating until 8), YANBU.

Weezol · 21/12/2017 16:11

YANBU - Thank you on behalf of other diners and the waiting staff.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 21/12/2017 16:13

Agree don't go, unless your DCs would sleep in a buggy and you can walk round for half an hour before hand to get them asleep and just park up a sleeping toddler, but if not, don't go. (or just one of you /DH go).

CurryWorst · 21/12/2017 16:14

It's a pity your family didn't think of the little ones and book up earlier

that's hardly fair, is it? Why should all the adults have to suit the babies? 7.30 is quite early anyway.

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 21/12/2017 16:15

YANBU...I wouldn't do it either.

GoodLittleWoman · 21/12/2017 16:16

that's hardly fair, is it? Why should all the adults have to suit the babies

They don't, if they aren't fussed about the babies or parents of the babies coming. That clearly isn't the case here.

7.30 is not early; most young toddlers are in bed by that time. My 22 month old goes to bed at 6.30! He's a bloody nightmare by 6.

GoodLittleWoman · 21/12/2017 16:17

Also I never understand why people bring up the whole "in some cultures this is normal"

It's hardly relevant is it, unless the OP is in Spain or whatever.

CurryWorst · 21/12/2017 16:20

7.30 is not early; most young toddlers are in bed by that time

mine isn't, but the point was its rather early for a dinner in a restaurant.

OP should get a babysitter or just not go. If they don't like it, so what? It is what it is.

LIZS · 21/12/2017 16:21

Nightmare. And those same relatives would probably tut and sigh when they fidget, get overtired and whine. Could you meet for drinks beforehand then take them home?

BeyondThePage · 21/12/2017 16:22

all the "thank you on behalf of other diners etc"...

It totally depends on the kids. We didn't do "bedtimes" and "routines" and would have had no problems at all with a 7.30pm mealtime (notice we - not everybody... we...).

You know your own kids, but please don't make out they are all the same. Perhaps the kids that the rellies have experience of would be fine in this scenario.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2017 16:25

this is the norm in Spain and Italy

Just once it would be lovely to have a thread about kids going to meals in the evening without someone trotting this out.

Given that we are not in Spain or Italy, I fail to see the point.

YANBU.

Charmatt · 21/12/2017 16:25

We used to have the same - my ILs would book a table at an unsuitable time for the children to eat but then get annoyed when I asked my Mum to have them while we went on our own.

When they were under 2 I wouldn't have taken them regardless of the time the table was booked.

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/12/2017 16:26

YANBU

I’d rather taser my pubes.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 21/12/2017 16:26

Yep, the sort of people who think you should just make your dcs fit round the adults, are the first to be annoyed if your child is then anything less than perfectly behaved. (And frankly, they will be, by 7:30, they will have already eaten dinner, so not be hungry, no food to keep them distracted for half an hour at least means the whole time will be spent trying to manage them).

Too many people seem to think toddlers should be able to be mini adults when it suits them and only be kids for stretches of time they want.

Do another ask round of any friends who might be prepared to do a babysitting swap, but failing that just don't go. Your extended family might want to see the dcs but don't want to have the dinner ruined by them.

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2017 16:27

*Also I never understand why people bring up the whole "in some cultures this is normal"

It's hardly relevant is it, unless the OP is in Spain or whatever.*

Well unless you think the Spanish are another species, it is kind of relevant because it shows it can be done and is routinely done and can work just fine.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 21/12/2017 16:29

YANBU That would be my idea of hell, trying to entertain 2 kids while everybody else is relaxing and enjoying themselves.

Foxglovesandsweetpeas · 21/12/2017 16:30

Don't do it! I remember when MIL insisted we took our three year old son out to a nice restaurant for her birthday one evening and it resulted in all the other couples glaring at us as my MIL insisted on having a lengthy three course dinner but after about an hour he'd had enough of being contained so he screamed when we tried to keep him in his seat and he caused havoc if we let him get up. It was awful. Show them this and tell them they are being very unreasonable. Toddlers and nice restaurants (especially in the evening when they're tired and tetchy) definitely don't mix.

AppleHEAD · 21/12/2017 16:30

I think taking out toddlers at that time is an awful idea. Misery, cold food, everyone starring at you because of the way they behave then you get to pay for the privilege.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread