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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

533 replies

Cheekyeffingsister · 20/12/2017 13:57

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 20/12/2017 17:58

Absolutely no expensive presents for the cheeky family!

I see your DM enables her. And she has form for doing this. What does your DM do when your sisters DC get expensive presents and yours get none? Does she not see the inequality? Or is dsis and her family the 'golden child' and family?

My parents go to absurd lengths to ensure fairness between the gc. My brother and I aren't really bothered as we know it all evens out but to them it's super important.

Blondielongie · 20/12/2017 18:41

What are you going to do OP?

Sisinisawa · 20/12/2017 18:50

I'd force her to clarify her intentions:

Can I check whether we are exchanging gifts for children but not adults or did you just not want to exchange gifts at all? I need to know if I need to go shopping or not. Thanks x

See what the response is as she's forced to state she still wants gifts from you, but not to give any.

Ninabean17 · 20/12/2017 19:02

I'd return the gifts asap.

ZenNudist · 20/12/2017 19:03

Yes to not giving any expensive gifts. Id post 😵 on the WhatsApp group in reply. Call her out. Shes your dsis. You dont have to pussyfoot about. Say "so to be clear you have ordered expensive gifts off all your family and now saying you arent givng in return. Im sure you expect everyone to give you the gifts they bought anyway. Thats rotten. In the future try keeping your gift suggestions to tokens and ask for less expensive gifts. We are not a family of millionaires."

teaandakitkat · 20/12/2017 19:03

I would say something along the lines of "So we'll be seeing you for Christmas but you're not even bringing the kids a small present? Surely you could manage a selection box or a book or something?"

I think your auntie coming to see you for Christmas and not bringing any presents is mean and I would call her out on it. (Depending on how old your kids are of course, if they're older teens you can explain)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/12/2017 19:14

I know you technically shouldn't give to receive, but at the end of the day, some people take the piss

Exactly kitten. It's one thing to buy attractive gifts for someone who can't afford to give in return, but who shows by their words and actions that they care for you - it's another to pander to someone's greed.

God didn't put any of us on earth to be a doormat. Your children are entitled to consideration and respect - your DS is just wiping her feet on them, and on the rest of your family.

Siarie · 20/12/2017 19:17

Yeah she wouldn't be getting anything from me!

Tour · 20/12/2017 19:18

Definitely take back the big gifts and give the dc a token gift. She is beyond cheeky.

londonrach · 20/12/2017 19:20

Take presents back. Email back. Great, sounds perfect to us no presents. Might get your ds a small present like bubble wand to use on the day. See you xmas day x

NewPapaGuinea · 20/12/2017 19:22

oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher

  1. If she knew you'd love those things why didn't she buy them?
  1. What happened to the mythical gift voucher she bought?
Ikanon · 20/12/2017 19:23

Selection boxes for the win! Loved them at Christmas. She's a CF but you already knew that.

Soubriquet · 20/12/2017 19:30

God she sounds like my sister

The last two years, she has bought nothing for my children whilst sending her requests (expensive!!) for her two children. She also decided to ignore my two children's birthday this year too.

This year I've got nothing for her children either.

I feel slightly guilty as it isn't the kids fault, but my children shouldn't miss out because of their aunt being a tight cheeky fucker.

I won't see her anyway. She avoids me around Christmas time and birthdays so she doesn't have to justify why she hasn't bought anything. I have to pass everything through my mum Hmm

user1495222250 · 20/12/2017 19:35

Yes, I think she's being more than cheeky. Can you get a refund on what you've bought? If yes, do it. If no, is what you'd bought any use to you, or can it be given to someone else.

Maybe you could all discuss it in your group and decide to not do Xmas gifts in future, too.

foodfrax · 20/12/2017 19:38

She’s not just cheeky, she’s bloody greedy!

paulabluekitten · 20/12/2017 19:39

I know you technically shouldn't give to receive, but at the end of the day, some people take the piss

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Exactly kitten. It's one thing to buy attractive gifts for someone who can't afford to give in return, but who shows by their words and actions that they care for you - it's another to pander to someone's greed.

God didn't put any of us on earth to be a doormat. Your children are entitled to consideration and respect - your DS is just wiping her feet on them, and on the rest of your family.

This ^ You pretty much said what I meant to say/was trying to say. Yeah I am quite happy to buy for someone who doesn't buy something back (coz they cannot afford it,) if they show they care in other ways, with various words and actions. But to buy for someone that gives fuck-all back, at ALL, and is all self self self me me me (we all know the type!) is something else!

I could never be like this, but some people are; they have a completely different moral compass and will take take take, (and never give or share,) without a flicker of conscience.

I know a few people like this (as well as my cousin,) and they just freeload and cadge their way through life, borrowing money and stuff and never giving it back, and acting proper offended and annoyed if you keep asking for your money or stuff back.

In addition to this, they get a but sniffy and annoyed if you suddenly stop buying stuff for them and their kids, (even though they NEVER bought for you and your kids!) As I said 'you couldn't make it up! Some people have more front than Blackpool!

Allthewaves · 20/12/2017 19:41

I'd put up "great we are short too so we just won't do any adult presents in the family"

horatioisabrick · 20/12/2017 19:45

Yes, don’t give her anything. Maybe something small (genuinely small) for DN?

Can you get a refund? I’d be tempted to buy my DC an other gift... seeing as your DN will (probably?) get an Xbox and the other expensive things that were on your sister’s WhatsApp list.

Soubriquet · 20/12/2017 19:47

In addition to this, they get a but sniffy and annoyed if you suddenly stop buying stuff for them and their kids, (even though they NEVER bought for you and your kids!) As I said 'you couldn't make it up! Some people have more front than Blackpool

Yes!! My mum and nan gave me nothing but grief when I suggested I wasn't going to buy anything for her children. God forbid her two miss out...but her two are the favourites

This year they haven't got a choice

honeyroar · 20/12/2017 19:51

Reply, "brilliant, I'm going to send all the stuff I've got you back so my children can have an X box too."

toomuchofacoincidence · 20/12/2017 19:53

OP PLEASE LISTEN TO MUMSNET ON THIS ONE
She is an absolute cheeky conniving fucker and has done this to swindle expensive gifts out of you for her precious kids while giving yours fuck all.
Token gifts for your DNs but PLEASE do not enable this behaviour. I imagine her reign of cheeky fuckery extends much further than her extended family! I bet her colleagues/friends/neighbours have her labelled as a cheeky scavving bastard as well!

TheDowagerCuntess · 20/12/2017 19:53

Wow, that is calculated.

Can't you have a little bit of fun with this, outing her for the cheeky fucker she is? There are some great responses on here.

PoorYorick · 20/12/2017 19:53

I don't understand...she told you she'd bought you a £150 gift voucher then later revealed she hadn't?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 20/12/2017 19:57

Make an agreement for next year: presents only for under 18s and no present to cost more than £20.

Or something.

Butterymuffin · 20/12/2017 20:02

If she wasn't on the make, the text would also have said 'Obviously we don't expect presents from you now'. But it didn't.