To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

[Cheekyeffingsister]

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

Awful to let you all down.

just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year.

Translates as
just to let you down, our spoilt brat of a son asked for an OTT-priced present last minute and we're going to pander to his I-want-I-want demands, we've already bought lots of presents for him already because it's just a few days before Christmas, so we're going to lavish even more on him at the expense of all of the rest of our family who we know have brought presents for us but we kind of reckon you can keep them/give them to someone else/get refunds. Ho ho ho.

I know the rest of the family will still give (DNs) the expensive gifts they’ve bought as no one ever stands up to her

Then that's a matter for the rest of the family; nobody's obliged to do "what everyone else does", and anyway they'll probably admire you for refusing to play her game and do it themselves next time

Do you physically give your gifts to the kids? If not i would be a bit worried that she would say that they are from her.

Personally i wouldnt give the kids gifts because she doesnt seem bothered about your kids.

Just reply and say “no problem, doing no presents is fine with us too”

This ^ And has has been said, see if you can take the stuff back and get a refund. I would give the lot to the kids in the neighbourhood, or a charity shop before I gave them to her/her kids. Not the kids' fault I know, but she has to learn people will not tolerate her being a cheeky twunt.

I believe it to be true OP, as I have a cousin who is the same. Always happy to accept shit loads of gifts for her kids, (and her and her boyfriend,) but always said she 'couldn't afford' to buy anything back.

Funnily enough, on several occasions, she booked a 'girls trip to Lanzarote/Ibiza/Kos' in January, with a £150 deposit, and she smoked of course, and went to the pub, and got 5 or 6 scratchcards a week. Couldn't afford a couple of 99p selection boxes for my kids though.

Needless to say, after about half a dozen Christmasses of this happening, (and giving her the benefit of the doubt,) I stopped buying for her and her kids. Hilariously, on the first Christmas I did this, she bitched about me to the rest of the family, wondering if there was something 'wrong' or if I had just turned into a tight-arse!

Couldn't make it up, seriously!

I agree. Return all youve bought and go with your original gifts for the children.

"bloody hell sis! Short notice or what! Good job I kept the receipts!"

OP, your mum likely is genuinely not bothered about getting no present for herself and hasn't thought about the effect on your kids.

Selection boxes all round is a great idea.

Tots, that's awful.

I don't think I have anything to add beyond what everyone else has said, do make a note for next year.
Can anyone on here point you in the right direction for an Xbox? This is where your energies need to be - forget about this awful behaviour and focus on your dc

Oooh I do love a cheeky fuckery post! Have you replied OP??
As others have said, DO NOT give her the presents, and give DNs some chocolate, they won't care.

Use it as an excuse to tell her you are in the same boat, and was thinking that in future, set a certain limit, and only buy for children.

I'm with the DO NOT GIVE OVER ANY OF THOSE GIFTS voices

start appreciating your OWN little family unit.... that is... your own Husband and Children

Just wanted to add; when my cheeky twuntlet of a cousin didn't bother getting anything for my kids, (for a number of years,) I actually got some things myself, and wrapped them up pretending they were from her.

Me and my 2 kids always went out Christmas present shopping together, and got gifts for my cousin and boyfriend, and her 5 kids, and I didn't want them to think she hadn't been arsed to get them anything; so I went out and got them 3 or 4 presents each for them (with labels saying they were from her.)

As I said though, after a few years, I got sick of getting her kids stuff when she couldn't be fucked to get a terrys chocolate twatting orange for MY kids! I know you technically shouldn't give to receive, but at the end of the day, some people take the piss. My cousin did, and the OP's sister is taking the piss too.

Extremely cheeky, she knows she might get some of the things on her list from yiu, whilst giving you nothing. Say ok, no presents for Christmas is fine with us too, as we are on a budget. Return or use what you got her, and bung a little money in a card, or token presents for the kids.

Your mum can do what she wants, but you can do what you want. Mabey warn her next year, that you are on a budget and are doing small token presents.

Ordering presents for any special occasion defeats the whole purpose of giving and receiving imo. Yes, even weddings. So what if you get duplicates or shockhorror something you didn't really want? Say thank you gratefully and exchange them later or keep them as an amusing talking point. You might even receive some thoughtful nice surprises! I know it's the done thing right now but I find it takes any of the joy out of giving, shopping for gifts etc etc and it's why some people just give up and give money and vouchers.

I'm sorry for all the kids TBH. Because yours are going to get demonstrably less than hers, which will make them all miserable.

Why on earth would you spend more on your DN's than your own kids?

For occasions like this

If your DH was serious about wanting to put the chandelier you bought her in your hall then I'd go back and say

"Not to worry - we really liked the chandelier you asked for so we'll keep it and put it up in our hall instead as we're not doing presents this year"

But then I grew up with a brother who was the CF of all CFs so I'm immune to guilt tripping these days.

I really like the solution of texting back and breezily saying something along lines of 'no worries at all! It would take pressure off us to not do gifts too' paraphrased from upthread. I really do hope your DH is serious in liking the chandelier for your hallway though - just to get a kick out of her expression when she sees it there selection boxes for kids is a great idea, or some inexpensive crafty bits, they'll always get used but won't break the bank.

Well you can see why she gets away with this because you feel guilty about her DC.

Notice her complete and utter lack of giving a shit about yours?

You don't have to give them nothing. Their mother is already giving them an xbox for goodness sake!

A small gift (£20 voucher towards an xbox game) is plenty.

stand up to her this year and the rest of your family will be thinking to themselves why the fuck shouldn't i??? and then she'll stop getting away with it.

Don’t give them any presents. With regard to the present she should have bought dd could you order it to arrive after Xmas and write dd a note from Santa to say “sorry I’ve accidentally left your x gift at the North Pole I’ll make a special journey to deliver it to you soon” if dd is too old to believe in Santa I’d say dsis was supposed to buy this but we decided not to do presents this year so it’ll be a new year gift from us.

What Iamaliontamer wrote on page 1 was brilliant. Text that to her and take back all of the presents that you've bought.

Also, just give token pressies to the kids otherwise she'll keep on doing this as it works!

Wow, cheeky cow!
Agree take back and refund. Just give her a card