To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

[Cheekyeffingsister]

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

Only thing is, now she knows she's not getting anything from you, and her cheeky-fuckery is being revealed, will she get something last minute, so YOU look like the unreasonable one?

Hard on Christmas Day when she produces something for you to say, "but we said no gifts" and she breezes "well I couldn't let Christmas pass without giving you all SOMETHING". Hence you looking/feeling bad.

I think the cheapie chocs or equivalent covers your bases here, if she goes grand, she'll look bit crazy after saying no presents, if she doesn't bring presents you are the bigger person who has still showing the spirit of Christmas.

Definitely keep/return the presents bought, but cover your backside with something small.

Oh... I was going to add a comment but I can't remember what it was, maybe because I’m an illogical female with no perspective..

Excellent! Glad your DH has got your back.
I don't entirely agree with Paula's take on it, because I don't think it's a male/female divide here - it's more of a blood family/in law divide.
He's not related to her by blood so it's far easier for him to take more of a stance against her, whereas you were brought up by the family and have been "conditioned" to keep the peace and do whatever. The same would be the case if she was your DH's sister and it was you taking the stand.

No need for the blatant patriarchal sexist bollocks at all.

Having said that, I'm very glad that you've sent that message and that you won't be doing presents at all - she can stick that up her arse! Ha.

I would say

thank you so much for letting us know, we will not embarrass you by gifting presents. All our love and goodwill on both sides will be gratefully received in the spirit of Christmas 😉

" RETURN and REFUND immediately

Oh Paula you are a SCREAM! Such a humorous post.....

Great response OP, I only hope your dsis won't be too stressed at the suggestion to stretch her poorly budgeted funds to a card.

Please please update us, I beg you, both her response and how it goes on the day!

@paulabluekitten it is more likely to be the case that DH is a step removed from.situation and emotives and can be more pragmatic. I know certainly my DH and I both help each other see sense in situations such as these. I don't think his practical advice is given by virtue of the fact he has cock and two balls ta v much!

knittedfairies could you ask your husband to step in with some strong and sound guidance? Us feminine types can be jolly ditsy!

Great DH (I love the day out suggestion) and great text message.

Well done!

I agree thought - do get a token thing to hand to the kids on the day. Maybe a card with an invite to the day out, date to be arranged?

If I had recieved your sisters gift list with such expensive items, that would have got my back up straight away, noway would I have bought from a list like that. I think get your sister token presemts, like £5 each from discount store. Smilies, candle sets, chocolates, a bottle of cheap wine, and the kids small presents like pjs, t shirt, Christmas jumper from Primark or George at ASDA. So they have something small to open.

Whaaaat we need a man to sort things out. No we bloody don't, I would have handled that situation fine myself thanks.

Is it likely that she'll still get your kids something small and then you will look like the baddy!!??

Get some small spare gifts just incase for her kids and still suggest the trip away for them

pidgeon

In my experience very likely. My younger aunt used to sabotage my mother like that. My mother is quite generous and a hard worker but definitely not rich (she’s comfortable but couldn’t justify spending more than 40 maybe 59 on each gift for 3 DNs and still make sure that my little sister gets a more or less equal amount of presents...).

Which is why my dear aunt would put something rather expensive (like ‘organic eyeshadow’ from Dr. Hauschka on her youngest daughter’s list), knowing that my mother would spend more than she’d want and still end up with a ‘measly’ gift for her youngest niece...

So yeah, I’d buy cheap but still nice backup gifts. Even for the OP’s sister (maybe a nice candle) just in case her sisters thinks it would be cute to pretend that she’d obviously didn’t mean that there would be no gifts for anyone else. Just ‘smaller’ gifts

40 (maybe 50, not 59) sister etc...

YY to taking back the presents. Spend the money on your kids and parents instead
Cheeky article
I’d put a post on the family WhatsApp group saying ‘we’re in the same boat too. We are only buying for the kids. So glad you understand see you Sunday x’

Please update us OP as to how it all turns out!

Well done @Cheekyeffingsister and to your DP too.

You reply to her is perfect. And so is the idea that your DP has had re a trip out instead of a gift.

Re your DSis. You must stop enabling her CF ways. People get away with it because nobody stops them. You don’t need to fall out about it, just don’t enable it.

sometimes we NEED a man's input and perspective with stuff like this

You may do, others don't.

This thread is full of women who see this situation clearly.,

Lucky I didn't notice your username before, OP. It could have slightly biased my attitude to your AIBU.

Oh FFS, it's because it's not HIS family, not because his penis endows him with extra sense and reason . It's because when it comes to family , it's a blind spot for many people. Not because they're hormonal, emotional, small minded little females suffering from hysteria!

Nice one OP - cool and understated response. Do let us know if she responds.

h FFS, it's because it's not HIS family, not because his penis endows him with extra sense and reason hmm. It's because when it comes to family , it's a blind spot for many people. Not because they're hormonal, emotional, small minded little females suffering from hysteria!

^ this

Perfect response! Desperately hoping she replies

ometimes we NEED a man's input and perspective with stuff like this, because we get emotional and slightly irrational and let emotions take over when something is getting us het up

Yes, sometimes I come over all faint on account of my ovaries and all.

Someone pass the smelling salts.

Sometimes we NEED a man's input and perspective with stuff like this, because we get emotional and slightly irrational and let emotions take over when something is getting us het up

I've never such utter bullshit. Seriously is food still rationed where you live? It stopped in 1954 where I am.

Actually that's doing a disservice to women in the 1940s and 50s. Most, including my DM, were more than capable of kicking arse if and when needed, without any help from the men in their lives.

I assume then single women, including me are fucked, not having men in our lives to take over when the emotions overcome us. Anyone got any smelling salts?