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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'I will so sort it'

112 replies

Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 07:44

Anyone else's DH of this category of 'I will sort it' but never actually does?
Examples:
In the supermarket about to purchase more tupperware because I have none (because DH takes it to work and never brings it home.) DH "Don't bother with that I have loads at work." Me, yep, I know. Literally every time I go to put leftovers away and have to use a plate and clingfilm my blood boils a little more!
We can't find the lead for the radio. I miss the radio. Can't purchase a new one because he will sort it, he has one somewhere apparently.
We have no batteries. Every time I go to get some he says no because he can get some from work. That has been months now and I have got to the point of sharing batteries between remotes.
The washing machine is leaking. He insists he can fix it but it's been going on two weeks now and it's always 'yeah I will sort it'. The machine is four years old and we have two small children. I can't cope without a washing machine (have been using it anyway with towels on the floor but now the softner tray seems to not be working too).
I get it, he doesn't like to waste money (he is tight) but he never actually follows through on anything!!!!
AIU for ordering a new washing machine a week before Christmas behind his back or should I let him 'sort it'?

OP posts:

ZigZagandDustin · 20/12/2017 07:46

Work away. He's clearly useless which overrides his tightness. Biggest problem is though that he doesn't care how difficult he makes your life with it.

So I'd just get on with buying what you need.

puglife15 · 20/12/2017 07:46

I think you need to write down all the things he said he'd sort in massive writing and pin it to the outside of your front door with a header "things DH says he'll sort".

scurryfunge · 20/12/2017 07:47

Take control. There's nothing stopping you sorting these matters yourself.

InDubiousBattle · 20/12/2017 07:48

I'd just crack on with things knowing that he won't actually sort it if I were you. The problem (for him)with that is you end up being very independent and resourceful and he becomes mainly a pain in your arse, thsn you realise you can pretty much manage without him and, well that never really bodes well does it?

becotide · 20/12/2017 07:50

You'll have to do it yourslef, and when he whines "I said I would sort it", just reply with "You didn't sort it. I have sorted it."

sahmummy80 · 20/12/2017 07:52

Order a new machine/go and buy batteries and Tupperware. Don't wait for him a moment longer OP. Treat yourself to a new Radio whilst your at it for the inconvenience of going without these things for so long.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 20/12/2017 07:53

Sort the washing machine. Also buy Tupperware but hide it so it doesn't go to his work as well

rollingonariver · 20/12/2017 07:55

My Dp used to be a bit like this except he was keeping old shite because 'he'll fix it'. He was never going to fix it and I wasn't going to keep loads of random broken shite.
I think order the new machine, buy batteries etc but show him a list of all these things and I think he may see how mental he's being

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/12/2017 07:55

When he says he'll do something, he will. There's no need to keep nagging him every few weeks.

Dh takes bloody ages and a lot of reminding, then when I sort it my self I get 'I was going to do that.'
Luckily he is good in other ways or I wouldn't tolerate it.

DancesWithOtters · 20/12/2017 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Capelin · 20/12/2017 07:59

Give him a deadline. Say to him “DH, I’ve seen a good deal on a washing machine. I’ll order it in Thursday if you haven’t fixed the old one by then” - and do it!

As for the batteries, just buy them. Moving them between remotes is annoying.

RatRolyPoly · 20/12/2017 08:04

Mine's a bit like this. I just sort it myself. He knows if he wants to "sort it" his way he has to beat me to it - which makes for some fun competition in the domestic chores!

ImAMarshmellow · 20/12/2017 08:12

Your married to my partner .

Me 'dp can you sort the dishwasher'
Him 'yeh, give me 2 minutes'
Me - gives I. 3 hours later.

If I need something I just buy it, it took him 6 trips to the same location before he bought ds xmas gift.

Motherbear26 · 20/12/2017 08:12

Don’t listen to him, just buy the things you need. As things stand, his procrastination is only affecting you. If it starts hitting his pocket he might make more effort.

ILookedintheWater · 20/12/2017 08:14

I had the Tupperware thing with eldest DC. Name stickers (shaming as like a small child) seemed to sort it. Also set a reminder on his phone to go off 10 mins before he leaves.
Buy a new washing machine
Buy batteries.
Other things...and I'm guessing that this is the thin end of the wedge....write on a list on the wall in the kitchen everything that has been agreed either of you will sort. Then as you complete your allocated tasks highlight them. He isn't maintaining head space for this stuff because it isn't important to him/he has too much going on. A written list will help him /you keep on top of things. He probably has no idea how much it is affecting you.

NataliaOsipova · 20/12/2017 08:18

You'll have to do it yourslef, and when he whines "I said I would sort it", just reply with "You didn't sort it. I have sorted it."

This. Do it!

Bizzysocks · 20/12/2017 08:20

I wouldn't buy a new washing machine. Google washing machine repair and your area. 4 years isn't old for a washing machine, they should be able to fix it.

Buy batteries he shouldnt be steeling from work.

Tell him to find the radio plug by tomorrow or you will by a new one.

Sludgecolours · 20/12/2017 08:22

My dh isn't tight and is generally v reliable, but because he works long hours, he does tend to say he will do D I Y tasks and then not follow through. I was complaining to a friend one day about a tap that needed fixing and whether I should call in a plumber and she looked me very firmly and said, "why do you need permission?".

And of course she was quite right! You are an equal partner in the marriage, hopefully your money is equally shared, the lack of a wm is impacting negatively on your life, you have the right to sort it out if your dh doesn't.

CrossFreelancer · 20/12/2017 08:23

This drives me absolutely nuts too!!!
My DH always makes a big deal about "oh don't worry I'll do that... I'll hang up the washing...I'll clear away my dirty plate...later...later...later.... So I leave it thinking, oh what a nice, helpful husband i have, only for it to be there the next day!

Sorry that was a rant! I share your frustration

Gizlotsmum · 20/12/2017 08:25

I had one of those. I found that rather than keep asking ( which turned into him moaning I was nagging, me moaning I wouldn’t be if he had already done it!) I try to get a date it will be done by. So remind him as he leaves for work that he needs to bring the stuff home or you will be going to buy more on x date. Same with washing machine, as he hasn’t sorted it in two weeks you will now order a new one. He may suddenly do the stuff or if not you get a new machine. For us we work on different time scales ( still do and I do still remind him) but he is getting better and I am reminding less and leaving him too it.

SpartonDregs · 20/12/2017 08:26

AO.com for washing machine.
Get the rest on amazon/wherever.
Make a cup of tea.

Luckily I am the handy one in our house and I know what I can and cannot fix or sort. My OH gets grief is he doesn't bring tupperware back each day, let along leave it at work long enough to run out. I'd have hidden any remaining tupperware long ago.

BlindAssassin1 · 20/12/2017 08:28

My DP uses the similar 'is there anything I can do to help, just let me know.' So I say please iron the DC school uniform, help me put up a rail, get yourself and DC some turkey for Christmas etc etc. These are all examples in the last couple of weeks.

Not one thing was done. I did it all myself. These phrases, 'I'll sort it' and 'can I help' are all hot air.

MessyBun247 · 20/12/2017 08:30

Yeah my DP was/is like this. We are separated now although still living together until house is sold. I just crack on and do things myself now. It means I don’t get annoyed, and also my 2 DDs are learning that you don’t need a man to do anything.

Sludgecolours · 20/12/2017 08:30

Actually I want to edit that last sentence of mine below from "you have the right to sort it out if your husband doesn't" to "you have the right to sort it out" full stop!

DotDashBeep · 20/12/2017 08:30

Help? Doesn't he live there too?

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