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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I will so sort it'

112 replies

Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 07:44

Anyone else's DH of this category of 'I will sort it' but never actually does?
Examples:
In the supermarket about to purchase more tupperware because I have none (because DH takes it to work and never brings it home.) DH "Don't bother with that I have loads at work." Me, yep, I know. Literally every time I go to put leftovers away and have to use a plate and clingfilm my blood boils a little more!
We can't find the lead for the radio. I miss the radio. Can't purchase a new one because he will sort it, he has one somewhere apparently.
We have no batteries. Every time I go to get some he says no because he can get some from work. That has been months now and I have got to the point of sharing batteries between remotes.
The washing machine is leaking. He insists he can fix it but it's been going on two weeks now and it's always 'yeah I will sort it'. The machine is four years old and we have two small children. I can't cope without a washing machine (have been using it anyway with towels on the floor but now the softner tray seems to not be working too).
I get it, he doesn't like to waste money (he is tight) but he never actually follows through on anything!!!!
AIU for ordering a new washing machine a week before Christmas behind his back or should I let him 'sort it'?

OP posts:
00100001 · 20/12/2017 08:31

I have one of these too!

Best solution is to just buy the batteries

We have at a tupperware Amnesty every so often. All tubs and containers are handed in to the box in the utility room by X date.
Then The Sorting happens.

Also for the washing machine type things, I tend to "start" the job and DH will be unable to not interfere hehehe.
So I'll make a show of trying to drag the thing out, get DS to help, DH will wonder what's going on and then do it himself.

SparkleFizz · 20/12/2017 08:31

I’d give him a deadline.

“I’ll be buying a new washing machine on [day] if the old ones not fixed by then”
“I’ll be buying a new radio lead when I go shopping on [day] if the old one hasn’t been found by then”

Etc... and then follow the pp’s advice of:

You'll have to do it yourslef, and when he whines "I said I would sort it", just reply with "You didn't sort it. I have sorted it."

Believeitornot · 20/12/2017 08:32

Just sort it yourself.

ferntwist · 20/12/2017 08:34

YANBU. He’s being really selfish and lazy. Go on a sex strike.

Situp · 20/12/2017 08:37

DH does this with fixing things. I have a light which has been out for a year waiting for him to sort it Confused

I only work part time so usually just get on with it without him. If it is something which requires a skill he has and I don't, I tend to fuck it up just enough that he can't leave it and has to sort it out.

Probably not the most mature way to handle it but it works for me!

senua · 20/12/2017 08:39

In the supermarket about to purchase more tupperware because I have none (because DH takes it to work and never brings it home.)

How come when you want tupperware none is to be found but when he wants tupperware it's there. Make life inconvenient for him (eg take all batteries out of remotes) and he might shape up.

But definitely put a time limit on.
Him "I'll do that"
You "when? Does 'by Friday' sound reasonable?"
Make him buy into the time-frame or else it's just you 'being a nag'. (Let's not start on that one!)

HotelEuphoria · 20/12/2017 08:40

I don't have this, mine just says "well sort it" and leaves it to me. It makes my blood boil equally.

Why is everything left to me?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/12/2017 08:40

He's not the boss of you, get what you need. I couldn't cope without a washing machine either.

Put his lunch (if you make it) into a sandwich bag and give it a little 'squish' to make your point. No Tupperware coming home then he gets 'baby food'. Grin

AmIAWeed · 20/12/2017 08:40

Create a list of things that need sorting
Order the list into cost - batteries, radio lead, washing machine
Pin the list somewhere visable
Each day buy something and cross it off. Be sure to write the cost down and see how long until he 'sorts' things

Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 08:42

I am ordering the name labels! And as per otherworldly advice will keep myself a scret stash too.
I really appreciated what you said about the head space. It makes complete sense. If it is not affecting him why would he be thinking about it? You're absolutely right. It's not even something to be that mad about. Thank you.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/12/2017 08:42

Mine is like this too OP. Great intentions but no ability to project plan and follow it through.

Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 08:42

I did not type other wordy I typed other people's!

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 20/12/2017 08:42

Seriously - as the others have suggested you must do the following:

  1. Write his name in Sharpie on the Tupperware so that it comes back. Phone him while at work and remind him to bring home any Tupperware that he has brought into the office as you need it home to store food over Christmas. If he doesn't do this by tomorrow, you are going out to buy more and 'sort it'.
  2. Buy a new radio. A nice digital one. Put some tape on the lead that says "Power lead for the radio - DO NOT REMOVE" and stick it on the lead. If he asks why you bought a new radio, say "I was waiting for you to sort it but you didn't so I did".
  3. Buy batteries. Rechargeable ones. Not only are you being environmentally aware, you're avoiding an argument on where the batteries are. You've sorted it.
  4. The washing machine - this would be something that I would consider trumps all of the other issues but is probably the final straw. I'd find a company that can deliver a new machine either on Friday or Saturday (and take your faulty one away by Thursday) and if asked, say "DH, you've had two weeks to fix this. You haven't. We have two kids and the laundry is stressing me out. If you don't fix it by Thursday I've sorted a new one to be delivered on Friday, so I've fixed it".

If he pulls stuff like this again, I 1000000% agree with starting a list, posted somewhere very obvious that is called "Things DH said he'd fix" and add to it.

letsdolunch321 · 20/12/2017 08:45

Go out today buy a new radio, batteries and google washing machine repairers in your area, ring them and sort a date.

Youcan cross these off your list

New years resolution - Sort shit !!!

Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 08:45

Thank you for the advice everyone.
Believe me I am fiercely independent but as a SAHM he obviously brings in the income for the family so I do like to give him the opportunity to do as he says. I like the idea of a list and deadlines as it saves arguments and I hate to argue.
He is also very much of the general category of "I will do that later!".
Being single is so much easier!!! Lol

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 20/12/2017 08:45

I agree with giving him a time scale every time he says this. So if he hasn't done it by x date you do it your way.

Ignore any protests or sulking if you do (may be protecting there!)

MammaAgata · 20/12/2017 08:46

I’m in the sort it yourself category and the PP who suggested giving a deadline on the washing machine (if it’s not done by Friday I’m ordering this one). That behaviour would drive me nuts to be honest with you. I’d have to just get on with doing it myself otherwise I’d have a hernia from the rage of waiting and things not working properly.

Sgtmajormummy · 20/12/2017 08:47

New Year's Resolution: "I will be more reliable about the things I promise to do". And put a note on the fridge when the promise is made.

About Tupperware, I'd make an amnesty, saying the next 10 days are too long for festering boxes to stay at work.

Would a HUGE giftwrapped set of Tupperware as his main present be too Passive-Aggressive?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 20/12/2017 08:47

Get a timeframe out of him, like a service level agreement! "I'll sort it" "when?, by Thursday would be great".

ReanimatedSGB · 20/12/2017 08:51

You might also think of a few things you are expected to do that benefit him more than anyone else - and stop doing them. If he asks about the things, tell him you will 'sort it' and do nothing.

Be careful about ending up in - or getting into - the idea that because he earns a wage he is the boss of the household and you are his servant (and your needs come bottom of the list).

BitOutOfPractice · 20/12/2017 08:55

I do like to give him the opportunity to do as he says

Being the main earner doesn't make him the boss you know.

That sentence is the heart of the problem.

Stuff that only affects you and not him doesn't enter his head because he doesn't care enough about your inconvenience to do anything about it. Possibly because he also thinks he's the boss too

TheLuminaries · 20/12/2017 09:01

Believe me I am fiercely independent

Actions speak louder than words. You say you are 'fiercely independent' but your posts do not read like that because you are not acting like a fiercely independent woman. It has as much meaning as your DH saying 'I will sort it'. Words are cheap. Take action, then you will no longer need to be frustrated by your DH's inaction.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/12/2017 09:03

Just get what you need and when he says "why did you do that, I said I'd sort it", you can explain exactly how long you waited for each of the examples in your OP, and that since he never actually does what he says, you no longer believe him.

He will either stop saying "i'll sort it" or he'll actually pull his finger out and DO something.

This would drive me bats. I have to ask DH to do things several times ("nagging") before he gets around to it, for the same reason - it doesn't affect him so he doesn't remember. He objects to being "nagged" (reminded) but I tell him that the answer is in his hands - do the fucking job I've asked him to do and then I won't have to say anything else about it!

If he complains about the money you're spending, shrug and say "well, I needed it, you didn't sort it, maybe next time you will".

senua · 20/12/2017 09:03

Why does DH accompany you to the supermarket? Why isn't he at home doing all those niggly must-do's, instead of being two-people doing a one-person job?

saladdays66 · 20/12/2017 09:03

Take control. if you need batteries, buy them. Order a new waching machine. Your h sounds useless and deeply frustrating.

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