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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I will so sort it'

112 replies

Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 07:44

Anyone else's DH of this category of 'I will sort it' but never actually does?
Examples:
In the supermarket about to purchase more tupperware because I have none (because DH takes it to work and never brings it home.) DH "Don't bother with that I have loads at work." Me, yep, I know. Literally every time I go to put leftovers away and have to use a plate and clingfilm my blood boils a little more!
We can't find the lead for the radio. I miss the radio. Can't purchase a new one because he will sort it, he has one somewhere apparently.
We have no batteries. Every time I go to get some he says no because he can get some from work. That has been months now and I have got to the point of sharing batteries between remotes.
The washing machine is leaking. He insists he can fix it but it's been going on two weeks now and it's always 'yeah I will sort it'. The machine is four years old and we have two small children. I can't cope without a washing machine (have been using it anyway with towels on the floor but now the softner tray seems to not be working too).
I get it, he doesn't like to waste money (he is tight) but he never actually follows through on anything!!!!
AIU for ordering a new washing machine a week before Christmas behind his back or should I let him 'sort it'?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 10:35

AgathaF he gets a discount from work on things like that hence why he wants to get them from work.

OP posts:
FoxyRoxy · 20/12/2017 10:39

Buy batteries. Buy Tupperware. Call a washing machine repair man. He's not physically able to stop you doing those things. Sod swapping batteries round, it doesn't matter if he gets a discount if he never actually brings batteries home. Ditto with Tupperware.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 20/12/2017 10:50

We have no batteries. Every time I go to get some he says no because he can get some from work

This leapt out at me. You need permission to buy batteries?!

Other stuff - I don't buy into the idea that "accept he's rubbish and do it all yourself". If the washing machine is broken, then don't do laundry. Buy yourself lots of new underwear so DH runs out before you. If he has no clean clothes, then he'll fix the machine soon enough

TheHungryDonkey · 20/12/2017 10:52

Put his lunch on a plate covered in climfilm to take to work.

WishingOnABar · 20/12/2017 10:52

Your washing machine will probably get sorted a lot faster if you stop washing his clothes. The problem is he isn’t being inconvenienced by any of these delays so he isn’t feeling the urgency. I agree with pp just take all batteries out and watch how quickly they get replaced when he can’t use the remotes.

Saying that, I am a lp and responsible for all battery provision. I have been swapping batteries between two different remotes for several weeks now Blush

KnowItNo · 20/12/2017 10:53

I don't think she needs "permission" to buy batteries! He's saying don't because I can get them cheaply through work. I would be the same as her DH if mine was trying to buy batteries...BUT I would then actually remember to get the batteries from work!

jellytotslove · 20/12/2017 10:55

my husband is the same.
I'm still waiting for the ceiling to be painted even though if offered to do it myself but he doesn't trust me to do a good job, I'm waiting for him to order a adapter for the kids quad bike as there's a place near him that does it cheaper, still waiting for him to get batteries for numerous thibgs.
I would do it myself but I always need up doing things myself so if rather just leave it

Fishcalledlola · 20/12/2017 10:55

Yes, got a dh just like you! I buy plastic tubs with spiderman and my little ponies on so he doesn't take them to work! Get a repairman out to fix your washer. Ours cost £35, the machine is over 10 years old and we got it second hand.

jellytotslove · 20/12/2017 10:56

oh and I'm also wanting to leave him over numerous things so I can't be bothered arguing or doing anything anymore. just waiting for a good time to leavr.

Nomad86 · 20/12/2017 10:56

Give him a time limit. If he hasn't sorted it by the weekend, you'll do it.

Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 10:59

Fishcalledlola - my favourite reply yet! So simple and I've seen lots like you mentioned in the £1 shop. Love it.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 20/12/2017 11:02

You can get Tupperware, a radio lead and batteries for less than £20 on Amazon. Just put the order in now.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 20/12/2017 11:04

DH does this, it drives me insane.
I got over it by going round the house with him and pointing at things and asking if they were things he thought needed doing / could do. and then asked when they'd get done.
Anything he didn't do within the time scale (plus a week because life happens) I reminded him a couple of times, he did nothing. So I booked 'a handy man' to come and quote and asked if there was anything else he wanted to add to the list of little jobs that needed doing.

I've never seen him leap into action like that before, We had a weekend where we did everything. The nagging is horrendous. I refuse to do it now, it makes me not want to have sex with him.

fishchipspeasandgravy · 20/12/2017 11:05

Put his lunch on a plate covered in climfilm to take to work.

Don't do that you'll end up with no plates either.

RestingGrinchFace · 20/12/2017 11:06

Mine is like this. It drives me insane.

Ashamedandblamed · 20/12/2017 11:08

Lol my bf does this all the time I just don't give him any responsibility now.

I asked him to sort a hire the other week a week later I text him asking when the hire is coming. He said oh I haven't messaged yet. I will do it later

Shock

Guess who sorted it. ME!

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 11:12

Usually my DH is good as getting on with things but if I hear the words 'Ill do it tomorrow' I do it instead

Todayfrustratingday · 20/12/2017 11:19

I feel you pain over this. I have one at home, DH. I've had enough of it. Too many years I have been told 'i'll sort it'. He doesn't usually sort it at all. eg manual garage door broke at least two years ago. WE BOUGHT A SECOND HAND ELECTRIC GARAGE DOOR ON eBAY. DH said he would fit the replacement door himself and might need to adjust the walls on both sides to accommodate the slightly wider door. Fast forward to now, at least two years later and nothing has changed. The broken manual door 'doesn't affect me' according to DH as is it his car that gets parked in the garage. What about the boiler and some car stuff (for cleaning etc) that is stored in the garage? I can't get to any of that. If I mention the garage door that he can lift on his shoulder and then wedges huge screws/bolts into place that hold the garage door up DH gets all huffy and tells me that he'll sort it when he's ready. My blood boils. Sadly this is just one example of many more situations in my house and life.
I would buy paper bags and paper boxes and tell DH to use those.
Buy the new batteries. Will he take them back to the shop? No! Buy new washing machine. It is a vital appliance. Good luck.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/12/2017 11:19

Just buy a new radio lead/batteries, and if he doesn't like it, tough.

As for the washing machine, or anything else needing particular expertise (does he actually have that anyway?*) I would just say (calmly if poss!) that if he hasn't done it by X date you will get someone in - and then if necessary do it without further discussion let alone asking him.

*A friend's Dh would insist on doing a lot of things himself, and would invariably make a mess of it, so they'd have to get someone in anyway.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/12/2017 11:23

Sort all the things, for you, as an independent person (and one who very much does 'bring the money in' - how do you think that money would appear if you weren't there caring for the children so he can go and physically get it?)

Sort the things, then when he whines 'but I said I would sort the things' you reply ' but you didn't'

'but I was going to'

'but you didn't'

'but...'

'no, stop - could you do me a favour, just for me, and not say 'but I was going to sort the things' until you have, for once, actually sorted one of the things. Until then, you're just lying.'

KnowItNo · 20/12/2017 11:26

It's always worth having a stash of spare batteries and device cables in the house anyway, even if he can dig out the radio lead and some cheap batteries.

Are you sure he won't take the Spiderman tupperware to work?

HidingUnderARock · 20/12/2017 11:34

Tupperware and batteries aren't likely to break the bank. I'm a bit concerned that he even expects to be consulted on those. He sounds very controlling. The fact you are considering ordering the washing machine anyway (YANBU) hopefully means you are not actually afraid of the consequences.
I know its easier to say than do in your position (been there) but really, buy the stuff you need, when you (you=the family) next need something, tell him and text/skype/email that The Family will need it by Thursday, and on Thursday go get it till he decides to be different, which may be forever ofc.

Re:Tupperware have you tried texting him 10 minutes before he leaves work to remind him to put some in his bag?

Wixi · 20/12/2017 11:48

When my DH and I first moved in together, he used to say to me "if you didn't get up so quickly after eating and do it, I would do the washing up", so I left it for 3 days until we ran out of crockery and cutlery. That weekend we bought a dishwasher! Now I just get on with things myself or, despite all good intentions, nothing will ever happen if I don't!

strugglingthroughlife · 20/12/2017 13:11

Dp said he'd repair ds flute... I ordered a new one yesterday!

Original poster
Dizzybeez · 20/12/2017 19:54

Update!
Spoke to him when he got home and he has had the washing machine out for the last hour trying to repair it. Smile

OP posts: