Babysitting for free for working neighbour

[Grump1]

My neighbour works shifts and can usually her OH can cover weekends - but not always so I get asked to babysit always in their house. My DH didn't mind until recently when I was away for eight hours and got no thank you text (and certainly no small treat handed in). The following weekend the same but while I thought both adults were working in fact neighbour's OH was on a very long night out with his friends. I had been led to believe he was at work. Does it matter? My DH thinks I should expect them to pay as it allows them to take the better paid weekend shifts. How do I convey this to them after helping out for free for the last four years or so. The children are getting older and more of a handful. My own are now independent and I was a STAHM so got the t-shirt. Also sounds petty but when I babysat for friends alway got left treat for supper and thanked next day but babysitting in return. This is one way. Childminders and nurseries don't work for people on weekend and night shift. What do others do?

You don't want to fall out with them, I can understand that, so next time they as just say your sorry you already have a prior commitment, You don't need to say what it is, just repeat, no your sorry you can't do it.

If they ask a 2nd time just say the same, even if it means you take yourself of to the pictures for the evening, or go shopping.

If they ask a 3rd time, just say sorry yet again your busy, and maybe they need to think of someone else to cover for them.

I'd go away on a long holiday and not tell them, see what happens then😜

Hi x, I have been babysitting for you now for several years and honestly I feel totally taken for granted. You've never even bought me a token box of chocolates to say thanks despite babysitters usually charging £10 per hour and therefore me saving you a small fortune.
This lack of appreciation has caused me to feel resentful and sad so I won't be babysitting for you again.

That's what I'd say but then I'm not you.
What are you going to do op?

Be careful calling it Childminding. Childminding without being Ofsted Registered is illegal. What you are actually doing is babysitting for free.
You need to tell her. I think the easier way to do that would be to tell her you are unavailable as you are so busy doing paid babysitting now, but if she’d like to use your services any time she is welcome to let you know and you’ll send her your new fees.

Say you've decided now your kids are older to set up a babysitting business. Ask for a reference and say your fees will now be £10 an hour!

Just start saying no every time they ask you. They'll soon get the message. Stop being taken for a mug

I tend to be happy to help and once a month exit to babysit while OH watches some hideousness macho film has worked great till now. The problem was two requests in row then finding that the dad was out on the town. I suddenly saw things in a different light. I know what it is like to have no family nearby to babysit. However since that weekend I have said NO to them and they have had to drag grandparents to stay over. Believe it or not - I wouldn't have believed someone else - granny moaned at me - there are grannies out there who'd give their back teeth to come down for a weekend of babysitting - which I pointed out in no uncertain terms. I felt I had been tricked and was taken for granted. And amn't the I lucky one that OH was and is clearly on my side. I will still help occasionally, kids are sweet, but probably only every three months or so along with hints about wine, flowers Problem where we live is so many hotels and clubs potential teen babysitters can make more money in wages and tips. anyway I'd rather do a good turn than a bad one but not be a sucker either. Although all the more reason to keep NDN sweet. Sure I'll be on with another grump soon!

Why does your H need to state the bloddy obvious? You are a CF’s wet dream.

I know you don't want to fall out with them - spats with NDNs are pretty awful - but why also do you need to keep them sweet?

I too know what it's like to have no family to babysit (mine are adult now but I remember it well) and by god I would not be taking advantage of anyone, I would be absolutely mortified to think I was using someone like they have been using you.

Really, just say 'no, i don't want to' then smile and leave it at that.

I've told this on here before, but my sister works nights and uses her days to sleep. One of her friends quit nights to take a better paid day time job. But then it meant she needed childcare in the holidays. When they would approach she'd text my sister and a couple of others saying 'which 2 days each week are you looking after cauliflower?' My sister has one clear day a week and that' when she does all her shopping/errands etc and the friend called her and begged her to watch cauliflower as she had no one else. My sister said okay and then found out later that the DH had had that day off work but gone fishing. He said to her 'it was my only day off that week so i wanted to have a rest'. Errr and my sister didn't then?

So have you said no now? Your last post suggests you might have done

CF-ery of the highest order. No thank you at all.

It's nice that you want to do a nice turn but they will continue to walk all over you unless you just put a final stop to it.

Op seriously you should be embarrassed. To have been played for a fool for so long. Bloody hell.

I babysit my grandson for free, I have babysat my BFF's children I would have done it for free but she insisted I was paid. As a one off I wouldn't worry but if it's regular I would at least expect a thank you

It sounds like you know what you want to do now, Grump. And that's really good. Good luck with finding your way forward.

Dear C.F. neighbours

I will no longer be babysitting for you as I am starting to feel unappreciated and used.

Last week I babysat for you as it was made to seem you were working and had no other option. I feel deceived to find that your DH was actually on a night out and not in fact working. This level of presumption - that I will provide you free childcare (without so much as a thank you) so you can enjoy nights out - has made me realise that my help is now an expectation for you and taken for granted.

This has made me reassess how much of my time I wish to be your unpaid, on call childcare and I have decided that I can no longer committ to this role. Therefore you need to make alternative arrangements in future.

Regards,

OP

A serious contender for CF of the year award! I had this happen to me many years ago. My NDN (and friend) asked me to babysit her 2 young girls one evening,for 8 hours,so she,and supposedly,her DH could do an evening shift at their respective jobs. Turned out her DH wasn't actually working,he was on 'boys' night out'. It annoyed me beyond belief.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? Sorry, I feel bad at shouting at you, but I really can't put it any other way.

Just say no. I feel bad that you've been taken advantage of but unfortunately there are some unbelievably CF's out there and you need to start standing up for yourself NOW.

If you saw this happening to someone in a film, would you want to be that person?? What would you say to them?

You are being used. End of.

The way to deal with this is to start four years ago, once it became clear that this was not a one-off-help-out-in-an-emergency, but a systematic exploitation of your good nature and kindness. If I were you I would tell these people that you are make good use of your experience minding her children to start your own business, and will be sending her a note of your terms and conditions soon. If she kicks off [as over-entitled people like this often do] arm yourself with a quick calculation of the hours you have put in with her kids, and the money you would be owed had you been paid at the minimum wage. If that doesn't work tell her to piss off.

Tell them to find a babysitter. There are companies that do that. Otherwise, it's £10 per hour.