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Original poster

Babysitting for free for working neighbour

164 replies

Grump1 · 20/12/2017 01:31

My neighbour works shifts and can usually her OH can cover weekends - but not always so I get asked to babysit always in their house. My DH didn't mind until recently when I was away for eight hours and got no thank you text (and certainly no small treat handed in). The following weekend the same but while I thought both adults were working in fact neighbour's OH was on a very long night out with his friends. I had been led to believe he was at work. Does it matter? My DH thinks I should expect them to pay as it allows them to take the better paid weekend shifts. How do I convey this to them after helping out for free for the last four years or so. The children are getting older and more of a handful. My own are now independent and I was a STAHM so got the t-shirt. Also sounds petty but when I babysat for friends alway got left treat for supper and thanked next day but babysitting in return. This is one way. Childminders and nurseries don't work for people on weekend and night shift. What do others do?

OP posts:
Rossigigi · 20/12/2017 09:01

Wow!! I've never heard of anyone taking the p so much.
Seriously, just drop them a text and say 'I'm just letting you know that due to some changes I am no longer able to babysit for you. Have a happy Christmas from us all' then press send.
No excuses and no explanations. As others have said- their childcare issues are not your issues.

saladdays66 · 20/12/2017 09:02

You have been taken for a ride here. they sound like cheeky fuckers. Tell them you're not available for any more babysitting. Ever.

zzzzz · 20/12/2017 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Raisedbyguineapigs · 20/12/2017 09:10

I have a babysitter. She's a friend of mine who's a single mum of teenagers who don't need looking after. She says she enjoys it because she's just on her own when her kids are out or with their dad. I still pay her! No way would I expect anyone to babysit without some sort of reciprocal arrangement. You're more than soft. You're being a martyr. Get some self respect.

MaybeDoctor · 20/12/2017 09:10

I have said this on here before, but if you look after someone's children for free while they are out at work they are getting an economic benefit out of your unpaid labour. She is getting significantly more salary in her pocket than she would if she was paying childcare.

Looking after your sister's children because you have a loving relationship and know that she will have your back when times are tough? Yes.
Some random that has a house next door to yours? No.

In ten years time, when they have paid off their mortgage or have a nice amount of pension contributions built up - will they come back to you and give you a helping hand? No, they won't even be sending you a Christmas card.

Tell her that you have a paid 'babysitting' job starting soon - really it should be called nannying as that is what you are doing - and that you won't be able to help her out any more. Do use the phrase 'help her out', as she is probably deluded enough to think that you have been doing it for fun, or because you are bored at home or something.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2017 09:14

I agree Mabey, stop being s doormat.

winelover42 · 20/12/2017 09:16

This is rude and completely piss taking but if you want to maintain a good neighborly relationship just make excuses whenever they ask you and they should get the picture!

Mix56 · 20/12/2017 09:18

If you want to do make some money, tell them your fee.
if you don't enjoy it, (& clearly are being royally taken advantage over,)
say I'm not doing ti any more Then the pleading & wheedling will start. "what am I going to do ?" er, "pay like everyone else"
So decide what you want.

HateSummer · 20/12/2017 09:22

dh and me work shifts. We always manage to work around each other’s shifts so one of us is with the kids. Even if they do clash, one of us HAS to change it no questions asked and it’s planned weeks and months ahead.
Your neighbours are taking the piss. Stop this silliness and let them take care of their own children. You owe them nothing. They had children so they should take care of them too.

gamerchick · 20/12/2017 09:23

I’m struggling to have sympathy, sorry OP. You’ve allowed this to happen!

You’ve been given some fab texts through this thread. Send one of them now and ask your bloke to handle the fall out if you can’t face it.

It’s time to bail... have you any idea how much money you’ve made for those people who have ripped the piss out of you? Seriously, tell them no more, no notice no nothing.

Maryann1975 · 20/12/2017 09:25

I’m a childminder. Looking after other people’s children is hard even when you are paid to do it. No way would I do it for free at the weekend. They’ve taken the mick and it is time for you to say no to them and let them find alternaarrqngements. If they can’t find childcare cover, they can’t do the lucrative weekend shifts. It’s not your problem.

Branleuse · 20/12/2017 09:26

haha they really saw you coming didnt they

SemolinaSilkpaws · 20/12/2017 09:35

Dear Neighbour, this is to let you know it will no longer be convenient to look after your DC as from ...... date/to take immediate effect. Love OP.

Chatting to a friend recently and her daughter. Daughter charges £6 an hour babysitting rate and gets supper too. Told me some of her friends charge £10 an hour. A long way from my 50p and hour and access to the childrens’ bottle of Ribena.

My rage at being given a box of Elizabeth Shaw mints instead of payment once was through the roof. Now I would be delighted with them.

grobagsforever · 20/12/2017 09:35

Is this REAL??

Agerbilatemycardigan · 20/12/2017 09:37

As a former 'softie' the most empowering thing I ever did was to learn the word NO.

tiggytape · 20/12/2017 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Creatureofthenight · 20/12/2017 09:43

I completely agree that they are massively taking the piss. However I think it's quite sad that a few people describe your NDNs as "random people". It is possible to have a good and lasting friendship with your neighbours (maybe not these ones though ). My parents' NDNs used to babysit us for free - they wouldn't have accepted money - but then when they were elderly my parents helped them out a lot, also for free.

Shakey15000 · 20/12/2017 09:44

Doing it once/twice when they're absolutely in a pickle due to work commitments, fair enough.

But FOUR years, regularly? No fucking way. Especially as one of them is out on the lash Shock

Stop being a doormat!

why12345 · 20/12/2017 09:51

Wow! that's taking the piss!!! 8 hours of free childcare! If you were working for minimum wage you would of got £60 for that!! say NOO!

billybagpuss · 20/12/2017 09:56

I think you need a new hobby with your DH at the weekends.

It's very easy for people to tell you to tell them to FO but as a nice person thats hard and you still want to have a friendly relationship with them. (but yes they are absolutely taking the piss and I hope you get a very big Christmas pressie from them )

I would apologise, say that you will not be able to help them out anymore in the new year as you have other things that you want to try with DH.

ChocolateWombat · 20/12/2017 09:57

It is entirely normal for neighbours/friends to occasionally babysit for free - it's neighbourly and friendly. Crucially this all depends on goodwill - this in itself is fostered by the people needing babysitting;

  • not asking too much
  • not taking it for granted
-showing some kind of appreciation - could be a text, or chocs or whatever.

It seems here that none of the above features necessary for goodwill are present.

However, if OP has just gone along with this for years and not voiced any kind of concern about it all, then the CF neighbour could well have thought she was perfectly happy with the arrangement. Regarding CFers, as well as being a CFer, it also takes someone to allow them to continue with that behaviour for it to move from a mild piss take to trey cheeky fuckery. And here, it seems OP has allowed it to develop....so whilst CF neighbour is in the wrong, neighbour has played a role in it too.

In dealing with this, rudeness is not needed and given that OP has gone along with the babysitting for years without complaint, sudden rudeness would be wrong. Simply backing off politely and in a way which leaves no room for discussion is all that is needed.

MrsZippyLake · 20/12/2017 10:01

So what did you decide to do, OP? Please tell us you have sent one of the suggested texts.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/12/2017 10:02

Okay OP, here's what to do. Pick up your phone and text them now, right now, whilst you have our support.
As from now, I will no longer be babysitting for anyone, for any reason.
It is something I no longer wish to do. Please don't ask me, as the answer will be NO, and I wouldn't want you to feel offended.
Enjoy Christmas, Grump.

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 20/12/2017 10:05

is no one else picking up on the amount of times the OP references what her DH agrees with or is ok with?

Good job her DH has said something otherwise this would have went on for another 4 years.

Aridane · 20/12/2017 10:07

Why is it all about what your DH thinks? What do you think?

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