My husband said he would be back at 8pm - AIBU?

[Abcd12345]

As he left for work this morning my husband said he would be back a little later (around 8pm) as he was going for a drink. It's now midnight, i have heard nothing from him and he is still not back nor is he answering texts or calls.

Most times he goes out he does this eventually rolling in drunk after getting the last train. It does my head in! Not so much the coming in much later than he said, more the not answering my calls. As I have no idea if he is okay. He then gets annoyed by me being annoyed.....

So who is BU? He genuinely believes I am but it's him, right? Would love to know what other people think.

Gutted have missed the hard wee Scottish chat- sounds like it would have whisked me back to the steps outside the buchanan galleries, a face off between St Aloysius and Newton Mearns schools!

Why do people post 'witty' replies to trolls? You all just end up looking like twats rather than letting them die a quick death. Plus the thread wouldn't get derailed. Getting a reaction however unfunny just prolongs it.

Sad i missed the Weegie troll. I would have enjoyed a bit of banter seeing as i am Fifer.

The trolls were on seversl threads and didnt need anyone replying to them to keep posting and posting and posting nasty little gits. If you look there are strings of posts with no genuine posters in between

There was the occaisional remarks back to them as it was pathetic vile gibberish they were writing. They were no more Scottish than Putin is.

OP I hope he came home OK. YANBU to be annoyed and hope you didn't worry too much.

Don't feed the trolls folks: complete derail of anxious person's thread!

Argh this frustrates me I can relate so much, my ex did this a lot, except wouldn’t come home for a day or two and still off his face. I didn’t like him going out because I knew I wouldn’t see him for a couple days. I was due with our third baby when I begged him not to go I was sure labor had started he said I was being silly.. sure enough I had baby the next day all alone with half the town trying to find him so he wouldn’t miss the birth the prick.

My DH has done this a handful of times over the years. He doesn’t often go on ‘lads’ nights out- a couple of times a year maybe- and when he does, he tends to really kick the arse out of it and make a big night of it.

So he’ll get absolutely smashed and then his phone runs out of battery/he leaves it somewhere/he can’t hear it ringing over the noise in the pub, so he doesn’t respond to texts or calls. Meanwhile, I’m at home and- as a poster upthread said- not knowing whether to shift my annoyance into worry!

Every time this has happened, DH has been remorseful the next day and has apologised profusely for not being contactable. And then it happens again 6 months later. 😂

So because we were stuck at stalemate with it, I made the decision to let it go. Now, if he goes out, I leave him to it and don’t expect him to reply to texts. The downside of course is that I wouldn’t have any inkling if there was a cause for worry, but I can’t force DH to pay more attention to his phone when he’s out drinking, so the only option is to just let him crack on and hope for the best!

So disappointed I've returned here too late to read the what must have been highly amusing troll comments

Ditto

otters it was surreal, the thread suddenly got hijacked by two people talking in what I think was a hybrid of scottish/yardie patois about utter nonsense and it got very confused!

I kept getting called a 'bam'

Sorry OP this got derailed

Sad i missed the Weegie troll.
It was garbage. You missed nothing.

Waterlego
It's very convenient that your dh is uncontactable when he's out with mates - battery failing, he can't hear it or has left it behind...... Funny that !!!
When he's not out with mates is he as unlucky with his phone?

Aren't you suspicious ?

Dublinia no need to stir.

Nouef, I think it was just a bit sudden and unexpected. So those of us posting were like 'woooah, what's going on??'

Anyway hope OP can update

I just get DH to give me an idea....

So normal time (I don't make a meal if he comes in after 7.30), he's out, or out overnight.

Therefore I'm not clock watching and he's not clock watching. I don't give him a time when I'll get in either if I'm out.

My other half does this every single time he goes out for drinks with 'the lads' which tbf os only a few times a year but it pisses me off big time. If I did the same he would be absolutely fucking fuming.

Oh, dear. This does sound so much like my ex DH, who had a serious drink issue and did this type of thing two or three times a week, usually rolling in at between 1am and 7am in the morning or just going in to work the next morning still p1ssed. He missed work so often, he was eventually made ‚redundant‘, ie sacked. He then ‚retired‘ at the tender age of 53, which gave him ample time to conduct an affair with a neighbour, for whom he subsequently left me.

Wow well I wish I had gotten hear earlier so I could have actually read the thread. Lol!
My DH did this to me once when we hadn't been together long, said he was just going to have a few drinks with a mate and then be home within half and hour and we were going to have a date night. It was midnight gone before he got back, drunk as a date and then threw up all over me. I took him and dumped him at his mother's at 2 in the morning, so he had two women very angry at him, he never did it again.

Whilst neither of you are in a prison sentence, you're both entitled to nights out but if he's not man enough to state it's going to be a late one he's not going to heed ultimatums I suspect. Maybe lock him out or consider if you want to live with someone who's taking the pi** when it suits. Having been single for some years, I'd be rethinking my commitment. He needs to man up!!

Not sure how he can be classes as “late” if he always comes back after midnight no matter when he says he’ll be home. Mr Foo went on his Christmas lunch and said he’d be back by 8. He wasn’t. He never is. So when he turned up at 10, I wouldn’t say he was late. He was actually earlier than expected.

And he never texts on a night out.

OP, if your DH has form for always doing this, then it can't come as a surprise and there's no real need to 'worry' because you know this is how the evening always pans out, right? He always comes home around midnight rather than 8pm-ish, yes?

So just take what he says with a pinch of salt and expect him back at midnight. Sorted.

My DH is out tonight and has assured me he won't be drinking as doesn't want a hangover tomorrow as he's playing golf in the morning. I just nod and listen with half an ear, 100% certain he'll be coming home in a taxi and will be tee-ing off with a hangover in the morning

marymoos it was quite funny in a way...it was a serious chat then all this weird stuff started kicking off out of nowhere. I got transfixed and couldn't sleep!

Anyway hope OP ok and can update so we can FINALLY have a serious thread about it

Theothergirl and Waterlego make a lot of sense - if this is his MO then let him get on with it. Ask to be able to trail him on Find My Phone if you are always sick with worry. In the not too distant past noone had mobiles and people got along OK.

I'd be most pissed off about him telling you one thing then consistently doing another - does he think you'd be annoyed if he planned to be late?

Like my partners on the 7pm after just a couple of - like every other couple- sure - won’t see before 10 at earliest, I’m at work 9/5 and have to fit kids Christmas present ordering on in between! ( ive now wrapped and packed what we need to take) you’re not alone - sadly - but no excuse!