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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ladies first has no place these days

402 replies

Idreamofalandrover · 17/12/2017 22:20

They've used it twice on the apprentice tonight, why? We aren't in the 50s anymore!

OP posts:
Madbengalmum · 18/12/2017 13:40

Mumof2, couldn't agree more, now you are being jumped on! Jesus there are some people who need to chill out

KathArtic · 18/12/2017 13:58

Well I thinks it's lovely to see men holding doors open for women.

DH and I went out for meal the other night and I struggle to walk in my heels and he opened the car door for me and helped me in.

DD's boyfriend walks her home/see her in a taxi etc

I even think it romantic for a man to ask the father for his daughters hand in marriage.

Why do the feminists have to spoil everything?

LloydSpinjago · 18/12/2017 14:06

Why do the feminists have to spoil everything?

Because they want everyone to be as miserable as they are! Grin

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:10

Why do the feminists have to spoil everything?

Because some of us would rather do things on our own than wait for someone to do it for us.

And some of us don't consider ourselves to belong to another person to be given away.

And some of us are quite happy with that Smile

HTH

Original poster
Idreamofalandrover · 18/12/2017 14:12

Because wanting equality is spoiling everything Hmm

You help someone that is in need, not because of what genitals they have.

It's perfectly acceptable to help either a man or a woman in high heels that can barely walk.

OP posts:
SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:13

I do love the way it goes on here and some time the randomness and change of topic (not here just in general) makes me chuckle that's all

I like that too.

Not so keen when it just turns into nastiness and sniping, but a good hearty debate is quite nice now and again.

I find it fascinating when other people have opinions that are just so diametrically opposed to mine. I can usually see other people's positions even if I don't agree, but then someone will come along and say something and I simply cannot fathom why they would hold an opinion, or support a position, that disadvantages them. But I guess they don't see that in the same way that I do.

It's always interesting anyway...

Eliza9917 · 18/12/2017 14:15

Dear god, so in the name of equality, everyone must treat everyone else like shit??

To mention a few things my h2b does, he gets out of the car to open the door for me sometimes, unless I've got it first. He always opens it for me getting in, unless I've got to it first. When we first started going out he wouldn't let me pay for anything, which I found a bit strange and then hard to get used to. He always walks on the road side of the pavement if we are walking anywhere. He carries things for me, even my handbag sometimes Grin I don't think I've ever taken the bin out since we moved in together. He always drives to the small suopermarket or walks up to the corner shop of an evening so I don't have to go if we need something once we are in for the evening. He's not old either, he's not yet 40 but he was brought up in an area (of London) where these kinds of manners are very important, all the men he knows are like it as far as I can see.

I'm perfectly capable of doing anything for myself, but I think it's sweet, and it's nice to be treated properly & with a bit of respect.

Myheartbelongsto · 18/12/2017 14:15

My boyfriend opens doors for me and let's me go through first. Thinking about it, he'd do that with anyone.

He also asks to change channel on telly, hands me my cuppa, dinner first.

It's just manners.

Original poster
Idreamofalandrover · 18/12/2017 14:18

In what mad twisted ridiculous world does equality mean treating everyone like shit ? Confused

Oh aibu Grin

OP posts:
VerticalBlinds · 18/12/2017 14:22

Eliza there's a difference between being nice and being chivalrous.

My husband is very nice but sometimes I hold the door open for him if I get there first, and usher him through with a big smile, and he says thanks, and no-one dies or feels shit or anything!

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:26

Dear god, so in the name of equality, everyone must treat everyone else like shit??

WTF?!

You might have to quote here because I haven't read anyone say that.

it's nice to be treated properly & with a bit of respect.

Presumably 'respect' works in all directions? In which case, any of us can do any of these things for anyone, regardless of their biological sex?

And who determined what being treated 'properly' means?

Some of you are talking about it as though it is natural law and it's not.

RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 18/12/2017 14:26

I like old fashioned manners. My husband has them and it makes me feel cherished.

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:29

See, the thing is, as someone else upthread said, these 'old fashioned manners' quite often also come with 'old fashioned attitudes' and 'old fashioned expectations' and none of those particularly benefit women.

Orlandointhewilderness · 18/12/2017 14:35

I personally love it. i adore a polite man with lovely manners.

RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 18/12/2017 14:35

SnowGlitter - I take your point and sometimes that is the case. Equally, sometimes it is not. We all have different experiences and expectations and the ability to make our own judgements.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/12/2017 14:38

I like old fashioned manners. My husband has them and it makes me feel cherished

I like good manners. My DH has them and I feel cherished (generally though, not because he has good manners).

Why do the feminists have to spoil everything?

By doing what exactly? Confused

VerticalBlinds · 18/12/2017 14:40

If you have an old fashioned man with old fashioned manners then presumably you have to be a proper old fashioned lady... Does this mean breaking wind in front of them is out?

Asking for a friend Grin

AsMenDclaredWomenTheirInferior · 18/12/2017 14:40

@LloydSpinjago
The Art Of Chivalry and the Ultimate catch!!.

Sharon Osbourne wrote
"When I was skinny in the eighties guys would hit on me all the time.
They'd go out of their way to make conversation with me.
They'd offer to put my bags in the overhead compartment on planes.

When I weighed 107 pounds, they'd be fighting over each other to help me at the baggage claim. They'd ask to share a taxi.
But once I got a hundred pounds heavier. I'd be dragging my suitcase across the airport sweating, my dress sticking to me and nobody would lift a finger.

I enjoyed the attention of being skinny but it was bittersweet.
I'd think to myself, "You fucking jerks, when I am fat you do't give me the time of day."

When Sharon lost her weight, all the men came running back to offer their help to her just as before
and when some guy at an airport offered to help her with her luggage she told him

"Why don't you do me a favour and just..Fuck Off.!"

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:43

By doing what exactly?

Not fawning over the men?

We all have different experiences and expectations and the ability to make our own judgements.

Fair enough, but I have yet to meet a man who talks about being 'chivalrous' or the sort who jumps around women to be at the roadside or to open a door before them who doesn't also display some particularly undesireable attitudes towards/regarding women.

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:47

Does this mean breaking wind in front of them is out?

Grin

Or expressing an opinion they don't agree with?

Or not wearing make up when they get in from work?

Or not wearing high heels?

Or not 'watching your figure'?

Or not making any demands of them?

Or always laughing at their jokes?

Or always supporting them, even when you think they are wrong and they are being a dick?

Or never disagreeing with them in public so as not to embarrass them?

Or always being up for sex?

Because whilst your particular husband/man might not expect these things, many do (my exh included) and the chivalry/'old fashioned manners mindset is all part of the same thing.

MargaretCavendish · 18/12/2017 14:47

I even think it romantic for a man to ask the father for his daughters hand in marriage.

I honestly, genuinely can't see how this could be seen as 'romantic'? 'Traditional', maybe? When I've seen people try and justify this practice (which, yes, you'll be shocked to hear I don't like) it's always about it being 'respectful', I've never heard anyone call it (as opposed to the proposal itself) 'romantic'.

SnowGlitter · 18/12/2017 14:49

I honestly, genuinely can't see how this could be seen as 'romantic'?

I think it was a goady comment Wink

mumof2sarah · 18/12/2017 14:50

@SnowGlitter I'm the same. I love to hear other people's views and I do often think of it the other way and side. I appreciate everyone's opinions and happily give my own? No keen when I get told I live in fantasy worlds and made out like I'm stupid for my own opinions and views as I wouldn't ever want to intentionally do that to others. I think sometimes people get caught in the debate and moment and their emotions (myself inc.) are that high, they take everything to heart or can't see it objectively then. Healthy debate is a wonderful thing and can be very eye opening ❤️

Neiflette · 18/12/2017 14:51

Kath

Why ask the father for her hand in marriage? It's not his choice to make and his daughter doesn't belong to him to give away in the first place tbh.

Eliza9917 · 18/12/2017 14:53

VerticalBlinds
If you have an old fashioned man with old fashioned manners then presumably you have to be a proper old fashioned lady... Does this mean breaking wind in front of them is out?

Asking for a friend Grin

It did originally with h2b but we're now past that nonsense.

FWIW h2b would do all these things for anyone, as would I, all regardless of their sex. Although I do like the fact he does the bins, I don't like doing that Grin - and clearing up the garden after the dog, I quite like not having to do that any more.

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