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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have tried to help a homeless man?

181 replies

darkcandlelight · 17/12/2017 16:34

Went to Manchester for the Christmas markets and we stayed over last night. There was a homeless man sleeping by our hotel and I was really concerned about him. This morning my 11 yo was worried he wasn't moving so we went to get dh up to ask him (he has a medical background) and took him a cup of tea. Dh is really annoyed with me, he says it was irresponsible.

So was I being unreasonable? I really thought the man had died at one point.

OP posts:
DagenhamRoundhouse · 17/12/2017 18:32

I am no fan of Corbyn but this is what you get from 17 years of a Tory government.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:32

The charity you quoted from article are drug rehab and criminal justice not homeless charity
So I return to my previous point homeless charities do not advocate giving money. As I said

Toooldtobearsed · 17/12/2017 18:32

Bubblebubblepop

Do you know, they are the things are am most proud of in my life.

I have a comfortable life, two wonderful sons and a occasionally brilliant DH, but, looking back over my life, i feel more pirde 8n these amazing two young men than anything else. My children have been cossetted, my heart breaks at the thought of those who have not.

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:34

Toooldtobearsed

My god, what a wonderful story. I walked past a few in Manchester, I can't believe i'm alive to tell the tale. You're correct of course, some of these people have horrendous stories to tell. Thank god not everyone is as ignorant and uneducated about the subject as Lipstick. However, having said that, I'm just as guilty as anyone else for walking past and ignoring. Your story has changed my way of thinking.

Bubblebubblepop · 17/12/2017 18:34

So amazing

DagenhamRoundhouse · 17/12/2017 18:34

Tooold
I think it's wonderful what you did. Drink all you like!

BananaCakeRocks · 17/12/2017 18:36

YANBU DS and I went to Cardiff in summer and I was surprised to see so many homeless. After we'd stuffed our faces in Pizza Hut, we went and bought a takeaway one and gave it to one of the homeless people. I also give them money when they're begging when I'm on a night out. I feel that if drink or drugs is the only comfort that they have when its freezing cold outside, then let them have it.

FindoGask · 17/12/2017 18:36

It's a advocacy charity founded by someone who was a homeless addict, pisacake. I have a background in advocacy myself (though working with people with learning disabilities rather than with homeless people) so I guess that informs my own view, which is that the needs of the individual homeless person in that moment might be different from the long term goals of organisations that support them.

I'm not saying giving money is always right, or better than donating to a charity or simply alerting Streetlink as Greenshoots suggests. I'm saying that I have done it sometimes and it has felt like the right thing to do in that situation.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:37

Uneducated and ignorant about homelessness
No
I have professionally worked with this group for a number of years
Educated to post grad level and have specialist knowlege and skills

Nice try,though

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:38

LipstickHandbagCoffee

I don't believe you. Nice try, though.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:39

I don’t have to prove anything
Go goggle an unrelated article to momentarily prove your point

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2017 18:43

I have professionally worked with this group for a number of years

That was interesting phrasing. In what capacity? Actually working face to face daily with homeless people? Or something else? Because I've worked in shelters for years, in a few locations/sizes of hostel, population groups (women, men, youth). What about you?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:44

Interesting the op husband has medical training.so presumably not uneducated or ignorant
Her dp thought making an intervention was irresponsible

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:46

I must confess that unlike you, I am not educated to post grad level nor do I specialist knowlege and skills' However, despite being uneducated, I am able to spell Knowledge & Google, lol.

SilverDoe · 17/12/2017 18:48

But no one knows your DH's motives from the original post, so no one can answer that.

If your DH had genuine concerns about the guy being dead, or dangerous, etc, then he was not BU to feel it was irresponsible. If he just didn't want to be bothered etc, then I would agree he was BU.

You weren't being unreasonable either way but rather than post here I would have just asked DH what he meant and carried on.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:49

That’s yiur searing précis of me?youve deduced that typing on an iPad may make grammatical errors
Yes, you’ve got me there bang to rights

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:53

LipstickHandbagCoffee

I guess have.

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:54

I have My excuse is that i'm not educated.

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel · 17/12/2017 18:54

I haven't read the whole thread so not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but here's the Rough Sleeper hotline number. It's national so if you see someone who you think might not have somewhere to go at night, you can just call and give their location.

I've got it saved in my phone just in case.

08009702304

oxcat1 · 17/12/2017 18:57

What can i usefully give to people in the streets at this time of year? I have offered to buy something from the shops, and often been refused, which surprised me, but I guess perhaps they got lots of offers if they sit outside a shop.

I have a small bag for a local guy, with a thermal hat, thermal gloves, a pack of clean socks, and something for his dog. All from the pound shop, but probably useful at this time of year? What else could I do to make a difference on an individual level? I don't have a lot of spare income and neither do I have any spare coats or shoes lying around, which I guess would help? Any ideas? Or what food could I give that could warm them up on the streets?

And are those foil blankets any good, do you think? I guess the ideal would be to buy a load of stuff from a charity shop to pass on, but I want to help, not appear to patronise?

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2017 18:59

@Greenshoots1 thank you to the link to the Crisis single, have signed and will share

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/12/2017 19:00

Not signed Blush downloaded!! brain not working today!

Justanotherlurker · 17/12/2017 19:02

Not read the thread, this is my home city and I regularly help out with the homeless.

We do not advocate giving money to homeless, and there is a situation where certain pitches are fought over and the genuine homeless get pushed out of town and in many instances beaten because they are stealing the pitch.

It's a very complicated situation.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2017 19:03

If you don't know what to do @oxcat1 just ask a local shelter what they need and say, "hi" to homeless people you see.

Bombardier25966 · 17/12/2017 19:05

"A random sample of homeless patients were
questioned regarding drug use.Of those taking drugs, 75%
stated that their drug use was the cause of them becoming
homeless, while only 25% stated that being homeless caused
them to take drugs”"

Your quote is fifteen years old, and from a small non randomised group (they're all patients, so have a pre identified medical issue).

The homelessness situation now is entirely different to that fifteen years ago.