To have tried to help a homeless man?

[darkcandlelight]

Went to Manchester for the Christmas markets and we stayed over last night. There was a homeless man sleeping by our hotel and I was really concerned about him. This morning my 11 yo was worried he wasn't moving so we went to get dh up to ask him (he has a medical background) and took him a cup of tea. Dh is really annoyed with me, he says it was irresponsible.

So was I being unreasonable? I really thought the man had died at one point.

Maybe your DH was afraid that your child would be upset if you discovered the man had died, and didn't want her to witness that?

Near where I live a homeless lady recently passed away due to the cold. You were totally reasonable and very kind to do so. Xx

I had a similar situation with my mother yesterday too
We were in Liverpool and sat down so she could smoke another thread and a bloke came and sat next to me. He was having a conversation with himself and looked homeless, all the bags and everything.
He offered me a biscuit, very nicely and smiled. I declined but thanked him.
Mum said, loud enough so he heard, 'should we move away?'
I said no but was mortified! As we did leave I smiled and thanked him again and wished him a merry Christmas.

The homeless and People with mental health conditions aren't monsters.

I wouldn't take a child with me because it's almost like a spectator sport then. "Oh look at the homeless man'

"aren't we socially aware!"

An 11 year old could be of no use whatsoever if the man was unwell or dead.

So why take him if you really thought the man could be dead?

Last year my dd noticed a homeless man she was convinced was dead, I ushered her to the car and went back to check, he had a line of drinks and snacks near him and was in fact fast asleep. Dd was most relieved. Weekly we buy a man a cup and a hot sandwich - dc should be aware not everyone is as fortunate as them.

"And do not forget kindness to strangers, for by doing this this some while they were unaware, were worthy to receive Angels." Hebrews 13:2

I always think of this verse when I see or do 'random acts'. You don't have to be particularly religious to 'get' this verse. For whether you believe in angels or 'karma' doing a good deed makes the world a better place for everyone.

Your DD learnt a valuable lesson in performing a good dead without fear.

I think you were kind- however it may have been kinder to observe for a while, street homeless are often woken/abused/moved on whilst getting very limited amounts of sleep.
Also you could have contacted an outreach organisation to come check.

did you speak to him?

You haven't said why your DH thought you were being irresponsible. What is his reasoning?

Because I tried to speak to a homeless man with my child with me.

My child was with me anyway - we were going to buy breakfast. I didn't stop and say ooh dc look, a homeless man.

HI Dark,

I was there last week. I must say that walking along Deansgate how shocked I was at the amount of homeless on the streets. I'm sure it has increased considerably this last year or two. I don't know what others think. I think you taking him a hot cup of tea was very thoughtful.

I’m with your dp on this.it was irresponsible you didn’t know what you and child were potentially exposed to. No risk assessment,no contingency.
The man could have been aroused,agitated on being woken
Could have exposed you both to blood borne contamination
He could have been using needles, sharps risk
Homeless and you don’t know his medical,mental health history so ther is risk

To the poster who said homeless don’t pose risk. Actually there is risk
Higher prevalence alcohol, substance misuse, mental health issues
I don’t mean that prejudicially, I am being factual

having said what I have above, I did once come across a dead body in Liverpool. Very sad really, I later found out that it was a young Irish lad who had over dosed, so I sort of know where your DH is coming from.

I think your heart was in the right place but I do agree that if you were seriously concerned the man could be dead, it wasn't right to take your son with you to check. That could have been a lifelong memory type distressing experience for him. However - on the other hand, he sounds a compassionate kind boy so you must be doing something right.

Different situation, but I remember once when I first moved to the city I live in now, taking a hot drink and a sandwich to a girl who was wrapped up in a sleeping bag on the street. She seemed to appreciate the gesture but it was only afterwards I thought that maybe she didn't even want a drink and a sandwich - she'd probably have preferred money, if I'd given her the choice. I would always just give money now and I sometimes stop for a chat too if the person wants that. I've been told one of the hardest things, apart from the obvious privations of not having a home, is people looking right through you as if you're not even there. So I tend to think even if people like you and me cock it up sometimes, at least we're seeing these people.

please don't ever give money

*Today 16:50 BornInSydneyy

This makes me really sad- like it's ok for a homeless person to be dead

No one has said that? hmm*

OPs partner

YANBU

DS 17 and I go out regularly on the streets of our local city to give out bedding, coffee, food to the multitudes of mostly young people living (and dying) on our streets.

Many of them are youngsters who have had to flee abusive homes but being under 21 they have no entitlement to housing benefit and so cannot be housed by the local authority.

Shelter figures are that 1 out of every 69 people living in my city are living on the streets.

Your DH sounds like a complete knobhead with an empathy bypass.

I'm aware of the different perspectives about the money issue Greenshoots, but it's what I choose to do.

No do not ever give money to a homeless person.youre not helping
Food and other needs are met via outreach, SNT. Money isn’t reqd
Money It’ll likely be spent on alcohol and or drugs, adding to problem not alleviating it

@Greenshoots1 expect you DHs problem was that you were taking your child up close to a potential corpse, with no knowing how or why he had died, so yes, that was irresponsible. Very.

This is what’s wrong with the world. Someone is potentially DEAD and it’s irresponsible to help them if you have a child with you? Sorry but it’s far more irresponsible to ignore them. Teach your children a decent lesson. Jeez I can’t quote believe this.

LipstickHandbagCoffee

Money It’ll likely be spent on alcohol and or drugs, adding to problem not alleviating it

Really, I must be very naive. Is everyone who finds themselves on the street dependent on drugs and alcohol?

Right let’s clear something up
Giving money, rousing rough sleepers doesn’t make one a better person than those who don’t
I dont give money,or rouse asleep rough sleepers because I understand risk
Chosing not to offer an intervention with the homeless doesn’t make me prejudiced or heartless
I do know how to alert the appropriate statutory and social care agencies and refer
I give donation via DD

Is everyone who finds themselves on the street dependent on drugs and alcohol? majority yes

I don’t mean that prejudicially

Course you do. But so do lots of people. Of course levels of MH issues and so on are high in the homeless community. But that doesn't cause violence. Drugs? Yup but unless you're licking people, you'll be fine. I managed to work with people for decades without getting hepatitis. Alcohol? Chronic use; absolutely. Acute, unpredictable binge use; it's around you all the time in the UK. All those housed people are the problem there.

I think drug and alcohol addiction are likely hugely more prevalent among the homeless population - and no wonder. If I was on the streets I'd want some means of temporary escape too.