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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have tried to help a homeless man?

181 replies

darkcandlelight · 17/12/2017 16:34

Went to Manchester for the Christmas markets and we stayed over last night. There was a homeless man sleeping by our hotel and I was really concerned about him. This morning my 11 yo was worried he wasn't moving so we went to get dh up to ask him (he has a medical background) and took him a cup of tea. Dh is really annoyed with me, he says it was irresponsible.

So was I being unreasonable? I really thought the man had died at one point.

OP posts:
pisacake · 17/12/2017 17:55

"levels of drug use amongst homeless people in 5 English cities have been put at between 66 and 76%"
"A random sample of homeless patients were
questioned regarding drug use.Of those taking drugs, 75%
stated that their drug use was the cause of them becoming
homeless, while only 25% stated that being homeless caused
them to take drugs”"
"This suggests that drug use is a predominant cause of homelessness"

heroin, mostly

FindoGask · 17/12/2017 17:55

"Giving money, rousing rough sleepers doesn’t make one a better person than those who don’t "

Did anyone said it did? What I actually said was, sometimes people get it wrong when they're trying to do the right thing. I don't care whether you give money or not.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 17:57

I understand risk, and it’s not prejudiced to weigh that risk up before staging an intervention
Prejudiced is to not offer service solely because someone has MH or social issues

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 17:58

It’s the obvious inference, if you intervene,offer money you’re better person than those who don’t

BulletFox · 17/12/2017 18:00

But this was a cup of TEA. I mean, good grief

Eltonjohnssyrup · 17/12/2017 18:00

Drugs and alcohol massively increase the risk of the person taking them being violent or engaging in other forms of criminality from theft to rape and murder. So, yes, approaching somebody you know is likely to have a drug and alcohol problem also hugely increases your risk of falling victim to crime.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2017 18:01

If you're right about risk, I must have had a weirdly statistically outlying life. I've worked with homeless people for almost three decades and been threatened once, pushed once and infected with anything zero times.

With housed people, way more stuff has happened to me.

Our perception of risk is not the same as actual risk.

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:01

LipstickHandbagCoffee

So, someone who would really like to help the homeless by offering money, but is unable to do so due to their own financial restraints is a 'lesser' person to the person who is able to give money. Is that correct?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:02

And?yes on this occasion the outcome was tame
The rough sleeper could have become aroused and agitated
It’s the unknown,the unpredictablity

FindoGask · 17/12/2017 18:02

No - you inferred that message: I didn't imply anything. My post was about giving someone food and drink and then worrying that was the wrong thing to do - I was denying them a choice; I was assuming. I definitely don't think I'm a good person. I don't even know what a 'good person' is really. But I do try to sometimes do things that, on balance, I think might be right.

user1492877024 · 17/12/2017 18:02

constraints

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2017 18:03

Can anyone find me news reports about all these violent attacks by the homeless on people offering them tea?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2017 18:05

I can find news reports of homeless people BEING attacked by housed people.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:05

user1492877024 not sure what convoluted point yiure struggling to make
My opinion is,no matter how well meaning it’s irresponsible to give cash
Every homeless charity takes that stance too

PersianCatLady · 17/12/2017 18:05

happypoobum
You are wrong about housing benefit for under 21s.

Many under 21s can still get HB or LHA including those who can't live at home.

It isn't as black and white as no HB for under 21s.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 18:06

rough sleepers are more likely to have a drug problem than the general population yes, but very few of the rough sleepers I have met have a drug problem.

The main reasons I personally have come across for people ending up sleeping rough in the last year are

  1. being a refugee with refugee status ( not asylum seekers, they are generally housed, it is when people get their refugee status that they lose their housing)
  1. Becoming unemployed, or less employed, zero hour contracts, etc, or losing employment as the result of an injury or illness.
  1. Being made homeless on reaching 18, eg care leavers, and a surprising amount of youngster who were living with their actual parents.

There are other reasons, but this covers about 3/4 of the 500 or so I have worked with this year.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 18:07

My post was about giving someone food and drink and then worrying that was the wrong thing to do - I was denying them a choice;

give them a choice of food and drink

FindoGask · 17/12/2017 18:11

"Every homeless charity takes that stance too"

Actually, no they don't.

www.newstatesman.com/politics/uk/2017/10/why-you-should-give-money-directly-and-unconditionally-homeless-people

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/12/2017 18:14

Knock yourself out you’ve found a charity with an alternate view

BulletFox · 17/12/2017 18:18

It was a nice thing to do and no-one came to harm.

I encountered a young man sleeping in a doorwell near my house, couple years ago, luckily local hotel got involved and dialled paramedics who wrapped him in a foil sheet and my first instinct was to fetch him sweet tea.

No idea if he was homeless or just got too drunk and crashed out, he was too cold to cause any trouble

lurkingnotlurking · 17/12/2017 18:18

I encourage my children to ask me for money to give to homeless people. I remember walking past the first ever homeless person I saw and not giving him anything, and neither did my parents. If we give, I hand it to my children to offer. Ywnbu

Toooldtobearsed · 17/12/2017 18:24

If your DH thought that was irresponsible, he would faint away with me. A few years ago, i 'found' a homeless young lad on the streets of a relatively affluent town we lived near. I worked nearby, and over several days got taliking to him properly. His story was bloody heartbreaking, and he literally had nothing more than the clothes he stood up in.
My DS's were 7 and 5 at the time, but DH (amazingly) supported me in bringing him home.
He lived with us for 2 weeks. When i realised, stupidly, that he was washing his underwear every night in the sink and drying them on the radiator, we got him fully kitted out. Nothing posh, at that time we were just scraping by, but a few changes of underwear and two more changes of clothes.
On his own, he managed to get a labouring job and we helped him find a house share.
Turee years on, he was renting his own flat, had a lovely girlfriend and was having driving lessons.
This all happened 15 years ago. We have stayed in touch and last week i had a Xmas card and letter from him.
Him and his wife are doing well. They have two daughters, own a house and are 'comfortable', not rich, but getting by.
We did similar with a young lad we met in McDonalds, of all places, a few years later. If you want heartbreaking, this was it. But he has gone on to working, on an apprenticeship, and scrapes by financially.

Sorry, this has been an essay, but it kills me to see the homeless persistently pitied, but not helped. I know there are those who choose the life, who genuinely want, nor need any help, but the majprity just need some human compassion.

that was a long way of sayonh, Well Done OP!

pisacake · 17/12/2017 18:24

"Actually, no they don't. "

I read that article, admittedly not entirely carefully, and I didn't see any homeless charity saying otherwise.

There was a bloke from here, which is an offenders' charity www.uservoice.org/

Toooldtobearsed · 17/12/2017 18:26

Sorry for the typos, been indulging in pre Xmas vino😉

Bubblebubblepop · 17/12/2017 18:27

toooldtobearsed that's amazing! What a great outcome

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