To not want to go to another couplesy dinner

[twiney]

DP has a very good and old friend and today is his birthday. We're invited round for dinner.

I dont want to go this evening. Reasons:

I'm tired and today is my only full day and night off as I'll need to do some work tomorrow.
I just fancy a night in.
We had dinner with them a fortnight ago.
We'll be expected around 7.30pm and then the night will go on and on until about 2am.
I have no way of leaving earlier as its out in the sticks.

I just dont understand why I am expected. They're nice enough but I dont have much in common with them.

Why cant DP just go and celebrate his mate's birthday with him and leave me to it. Why is there an expectation when you are a couple that you do "Couplesy Dinners"?

Disclaimer: all of DPs friends are real home bods. So for example theres no (and believe me I've tried): going out to eat, going down to the pub, going to the cinema, anything, even coming to mine. Its always going to theirs to eat for a long drawn out dinner, which to me feels boring and claustrophobic.

AIBU to feel this way and want to stay home?

As I said, staying in all the time is great, if that is what you both want, and going out a lot is great too, if that is what you both want. But this does not seem to be the case here. And re asking the people around instead..... I feel that the OP would not want a couple around for 7 hours at their place either.

And neither would I..........

@apoppetonastring
@TalkinBoutWhat

Re "your" sink and hosting at mine:

Yep, I dont live with DP, and I currently live in a minute one bed flat so could host although they might find it a bit grim. Ive suggested it before but DP says because they have a child with SEN they are loathe to leave theirs which I guess I can understand (although as I mentioned, the gran lives literally next door).

@apoppetonastring
Course I dont! What the fuck do they think restaurants were invented for! 😂

Oh I see. I thought you lived together. Sorry @twiney

Course I dont! What the fuck do they think restaurants were invented for

EXACTLY!!!!!!!

Well, if you don't live together, now is the time to evaluate how you socialise with friends. Because your socialising styles don't sound compatible, and if you want to stay together happily, you need to work this out.

Having friends as a couple can be a really nice thing - hence why his friends are trying to get you involved as a part of a couple.

Also, it gets expensive going out all the time. For the price of one dinner out at a restaurant, you could have friends over three or four times and drink better wine at a far lower cost. Plus the additional cost of childcare.

Fuck that with bells on.

Quick text from your husband - sorry, Twiney has come down with a stomach bug. It'll just be me tonight - sorry for the inconvenience, can I bring anything? MrTwiney.

Sorted.

Long, boring evening for him, takeaway and tv for you!

OP the weather is changing, are you sure you don't feel a migraine coming on?

I'll say it again, YABU. If I were your host tonight, and you pulled out at the last minute without a genuine reason, I'd be pretty pissed off. After all, I've bought the food, cleaned the house (which I wouldn't do for just your OH) and stated preparing the food. My OH will be moaning to me that she doesn't want to be the spare part at a boys do, so she's now pissed off as well.

It is too late to pull out without being very rude. Unless you are a naturally rude person, suck it up and say no NEXT time.

@Jaxhog
"My OH will be moaning to me that she doesn't want to be the spare part at a boys do, so she's now pissed off as well."

You know women have their own personalities and stuff and arent just there to get dragged to your boring dinner parties as entertainment for your wifey?

If i were your OH and the other "female" pulled out, I'd be calling up a mate and planning something with them.

Why would you clean the house for two of a couple but not one?

Since it is very late to pull out perhaps the best compromise is for your DH to ring his friend to say that you (both) have to leave early - say 11pm - as you have to work tmrw. And to reconfirm start time as eg 8

I usually see friends alone but with my best friend she lives far away so we stayed for the weekend. It really cut into my time alone with her! I had suggest he go somewhere with her DP but as they don't know each other they mostly hung around with us

I don’t understand why, as a wife, I wouldn’t be expected have a nice evening with DH and his mates. We all get along as a group and separately. I’m just another human being. It’s not like a lads night in or lads night out etc. Both DH and I have mates of the opposite gender. It sounds like OP does too.
It seems these people just see genders sticking together unless in a group.

Reminds me of when MIL came to the rugby “to keep me company” like I couldn’t possibly want to communicate with FIL’s mates and DH.

If you don’t live with him feign illness, despite what you have already said. “I think I jinx myself and now I have a headache”

Don't go. You told him you didn't want to go, so he pulled a sad face to try to emotionally manipulate you.

He's the rude one accepting an invitation without speaking to you first.

Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty. Regarding the food, they'll be able to have bigger portions, or have the leftovers another time.

Call me cynical..... if it's out in the sticks does he want you to go so you can drive? Or does he drive? 2am is a long time to go onto sober!

Spare part at a boys' evening- tbh I'd much prefer that to making boring conversation with the other female who'd been invited to keep me company presumably to talk about babies and knitting while the big boys have fun 🤠 Yuk urgh I'm so glad I'm divorcing my stbx who used to put me in this position until I wised up and simply started saying no. Turns out he couldn't manage or perhaps be arsed without me holding his hand and lost touch with all his friends after that... the other grrrrrrrrr for me was the time when visiting his family overseas, he arranged to do something with his bil and arranged on my behalf without my knowledge for his sister to take me shopping. Coz that's what women like isn't it. I HATE HATE HATE shopping. Sil was lovely and looked anxious so I sucked it up but insisted on sitting in coffee bar and said I'm really sorry, I love being with you but I just don't like shopping. She didn't care.

What did you do op?

I reckon op is currently sat on a very uncomfortable chair where she has been for the last 3 hours. Her arse is numb. She has overeaten just to occupy herself and now would give anything to be horizontal in her dressing gown. She has drunk too much wine. She would give anything to take her bra off. She is sick of Brexit chat.

Mmmm yes ofsted gradings are so important... Ooh another sherry, lovely

She is drumming her fingers waiting for the whisky course. She knows it's coming but is unreasonably pissed off at not knowing when. She doesn't even want any (fucking) whisky.

She is throwing shade at her partner who is pretending not to notice. When they get home in about another 4 hours he will want a leg over and she will prefer to kill him instead

It is so hard to know what to wear when the weather is so changeable. I tend to have lots of layers

kill me now

I think a lot of these posts show why people do drugs a lot socially. It makes everything more fun and conversation flow easily. Also you’ve typically got your little supply so you’re not waiting for your hosts’ schedule, as the OP rightly gets bored of during the dinners at her DP’s friends.

P.S. I don’t do drugs myself as I’m always bloody pregnant or ttc nowadays but I notice loads of other people do.