To give a gift-wrapped potato to DD on Christmas morning?

[Skittlesandbeer]

Was chatting with school mums yesterday while we watched kids play sport. This idea was raised, and split opinion in the group.

Given that most of us have used Santa/Father Christmas coming as a carrot or a stick to encourage good behaviour in DC over November and December, doesn’t it follow that we should deal with the bad behaviour on the Christmas present pile as well?

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

This came out of a conversation about how our kids (aged 4-8) have cottoned on to the disconnect between their mums harping on about Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list, and in reality there’s actually a shed load of stuff to open (even though they know they’ve been naughty). One mum said her kids sneer that Santa doesn’t care, and they know they can get presents anyway so why bother being good?

I quite liked the idea, and of keeping the potato in the ‘loot pile’ for a while afterwards as a reminder (until I can’t be arsed going to the shops and cook it for their dinner!).

So AIBU to wrap one?

And perhaps give it to DD first, if she wakes me at 5.30am on the 25th after I’ve had to coordinate 40 pairs of coat hanger/tinsel angel wings for Christmas Eve mass?

A valid parenting hack, or unreasonably mean (Christmas) spirited?

I think that's such a cruel thing to do. If your child misbehaves surely a better way is to remove a privilege or bed a bit earlier or something instant which fits their "crime". Christmas is such an exciting time for children. Do this potato thing just once and every childhood Christmas your child has will be spoiled as they wonder if they'll get the same next year. And as adults they'll feel heartbroken that the people who love them most in the world wanted to upset them.

Or possibly some of us picked up a book before having children? It shouldn't take a degrees in Child Psychology or Child Development to work out that punishment isn't what Christmas is about.

As long as dc has other gifts and they have been very badly behaved it might make them think.

No, apparently it's about excessive gifts and gluttony. No wonder so many kids are entitled little shits. I don't need a book to tell me never to dole out consequences.

sandelf i wasn't born then but I do agree with you.

This year I've seen an awful lot more homeless people than ever before and it's really made me think how ridiculous it is that we just spend and keep on spending. A child's Christmas will be just as wonderful with half the gifts the average person gives. 'We' seem to have forgotten in many ways our responsibility towards raising balanced children and instead just buy their happiness.

FC gave my daughter a rock at the bottom of her stocking last year that said, "Not coal! Ho! Ho! Ho!" She took it very well, said that she had been a bit naughty and that she had lots of other things in her stocking and she didn't mind missing out on one present. She now keeps reminding her little sister to be good. Job done, I say!

Wrapping a potatoe to be opened in front of the family instead of a proper gift is vastly different than the parents who throw a lose one or two into the bottom of the stocking.
I can’t think why anyone would think doing the forma is a good idea.

My son wants coal and bread in his stocking he says after he's put a smiley face on his snowman Nanny can have the coal for her fire as she's been poorly and the bread will feed the birds so he's putting it on his Christmas list for next year 😊 He's a good lad bless him.

I have never linked behaviour to number of Christmas gifts.
I think it is against the 'spirit' of Christmas and I HATE the Elf thing.

My dd (10) has asked for tissues, chocolate and cheese for Xmas.
So, I will be wrapping a box of tissues and a block of cheese...
(she has nothing else on her list)

You sound charming, Christmas Day is not appropriate for playing nasty tricks on little kids.

I have always had a problem with the idea that you will only get Christmas presents for good behaviour. A child should never be brought to task over a period of time. An unacceptable behaviour must only have consequences at the very moment that behaviour happens, never later. If a bad behaviour has consequences much later it negates any effort the child has made in the meantime. NEVER EVER threaten a child that Santa will not come unless you are good. The whole Santa issue is hugely problematic. Children learn that Christmas should be a happy time of fun and games and nice food, everyone sharing, and yes there will be treats and presents, they are not conditional and need not be extravagant, in my book, should not be. A day to be nice to each other. You will seriously regret it if you cause an upset. Imagine if some bad behaviour you had done was brought up on a happy day like an anniversary or birthday? Just don't go there. Don't use threats to try and get good behaviour. Use good consequences and rewards (not in the gift type) Christmas has the potential to be awful in many families, don't ensure it will be. A potato would only work if it was a happy joke that the child would find funny

FWIW DS is now 16. Doing fantastic at school, is a lovely caring boy and it didn't negatively affect him at all. I wouldn't do it now for any of my kids as I actually think it would hurt more now they are older.

Passenger - did you mean me?
I AM getting her some other bits (inc a modest phone so she can keep in touch after school) but it has been tricky as she is not into the same things as her friends at school. I have found an amazing pet related thing today for £4 which will prob be her 'favourite' gift. Plus 4 new board games from Santa to the family, as she loves those.
And I can get creative with the chocolate request :)
I generally think gifts should be modest and defo not conditional.

My grandma once wrapped up a pile of old vegetable peelings when my dad was a child of about eight, as a rebuke for him being greedy, apparently. When my brother was the same age in the seventies and desperate for a chopper bike, my dad presented him with a rusty old axe labelled “here’s the chopper you’ve always wanted, Happy Christmas!”

Enough said, I think.

Personally, I hate it when parents use Christmas as a way of disciplining their kids, the 'be good or you won't get any presents' threat is just horrible & lazy parenting imo.

Skittles - where's your empathy? It's the laziest and most ineffective (non-)method of disciplining! I heard a mother threatening a child aged about 3 back in September! How pathetic! By all means put the odd 'comedy' gift in her stocking, alongside the fripperies, but do not imagine for one second you are going to improve her behaviour by this nasty trick. Be like Mary Poppins, "I am kind, but I am very firm". Poor behaviour must be dealt with on the spot, and not by bribes or threats, but by instruction and example. I recommend reading How to Talk to Kids So Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

I have ex inlaws who do this sort of despicable thing to their grandchildren.
Children that were so so about visiting them now have no desire to see them whatsoever. It’s a truly massively hurtful thing to do someone you supposedly care about. Please don’t.

Poor behaviour must be dealt with on the spot, and not by bribes or threats

How? If your child isn't bothered by any other consequences?

Things I remember from childhood:

• Dad throwing my radio out of the window because he thought it was too loud. (He replaced it days later after my not speaking to him.)
• Dad tearing up a magazine I was reading because he thought it would make me late for school.
• Dad throwing my teddy across the room because it was in the way.

I am now 63. Children remember acts of cruelty all their lives.

To give a wrapped potatoe? Cruel!

Don't be daft of course you can give them it!! I presume there will still be a load of presents! I know loads of people who pop sprouts into stockings and that's for the days the room wasn't tidied etc. Dc all seem to find it funny and compare how many they get! I've done it with mine and they joke every year about who will get the most. Depends on the sense of humour of all those involved and no dc I know have ever gone without any presents!

It's not always lazy parenting .

I think if they have enough presents, then it's not mean. If they only get a potato, then it's mean!

I showed DS (17) this thread. He thinks it’s funny that childline has been suggested. He says the year I forgot the potato, they were disappointed!

Of course, it would be different if the potato wasn’t a lighthearted tradition and was included to humiliate.

If your friends kids are horrible enough to actually say that Santa doesn't care if they are vile and that they will get presents anyway I don't think a gift wrapped potato will make any difference.

Teaching them gratitude, kindness and manners would seem to be an urgent priority.