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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants me to buy my own Christmas present...

110 replies

GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 16:56

AIBU to say no thanks??

She asked me what I wanted, I emailed link, size and as a bonus a discount code. I have led the proverbial horse to the water, but now she has come back and asked me to order it and she will give me the money.

I could not care less whether or not I get a present from my in laws, presents are not important to me. This feels like they are only buying me a present because they feel they have too. They don't! I didn't get a present from them for my birthday or wedding this year, a Christmas present really doesn't matter either.

My mother the voice of grace and reason suggests I ignore it, don't make a fuss and spoil Christmas but I want to respond with a thanks but no thanks. AIBU????

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/12/2017 16:57

Get your husband to deal with it. Is she just being lazy? Does she use Amazon?

Ilovetolurk · 15/12/2017 17:01

My DM does not have internet access, lots of older people don't enjoy using the internet, could it be that?

I think you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face and yes it has potential to spoil Christmas

happypoobum · 15/12/2017 17:02

Why didn't she ask your DH if she didn't know what to get you?

XiCi · 15/12/2017 17:04

Sounds like you are being a bit awkward. She probably asked you what you want thinking she could go out and buy it from a shop. I find alot of my mums generation really don't like shopping online and are wary of using their credit cards etc. My mum and mil often ask me to order them things and give me the money so I wouldnt be offended at all.

Original poster
GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 17:07

She has an iphone, ipad, internet, and is perfectly capable of using all 3! Yes this feels incredibly lazy and yes I do not know why she couldn't have asked DH or FIL to do it instead.

All reasons her email has royally irritated today!

I work 60 hour weeks and I am hosting Christmas this year, buying myself a Christmas present would not even make it on the to do list over the next 7 days.

OP posts:
Ilovetolurk · 15/12/2017 17:10

In the time you posted on here twice you could have ordered it surely

You went to the effort of finding her the details after all which is the hard part done

I do appreciate what you are saying - it would be nice if she made the effort - but personally its not something I would beef about

BiglyBadgers · 15/12/2017 17:11

I completely fail to see the issue here. You don't want a present, you were happy to send her details of exactly what you want. Basically she is saying, buy yourself something you want and I'll pay for it. Sounds nice to me. If you didn't want the surprise anyway why is this upsetting you so much. Is it really that important that she presses the buttons on a computer for you?

BackforGood · 15/12/2017 17:11

Yes YABU. This way you make sure you get exactly what you want. Seems churlish to cut your nose off to spite your face if internet shopping is no big deal to you and it is to her.
You could always ask your dh to do it if it really distresses you.

Canadalife · 15/12/2017 17:14

Go with grace and reason....listen to your mother....

I have a lovely daughter who has also sent me a specific link....and almost because she is so specific I am anxious of somehow getting the wrong thing. Slightly irrational I know...

SkyIsTooHigh · 15/12/2017 17:16

I wonder if she is making a point. If you're going to be that specific (prescriptive?) then perhaps she feels there is nothing further she can add. Maybe next time try asking for something more generic that she could choose, and see what happens.

CocaColaTruck · 15/12/2017 17:18

YABU. Nightmare daughter in law. Poor woman.

Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 17:20

Offer her the same deal.

Bet she is on the phone to your dh complaining...

Original poster
GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 17:25

Basically she is saying, buy yourself something you want and I'll pay for it. Sounds nice to me.

Yes I agree I had not looked at it from this perspective.

She asked me/DH numerous times what I wanted for Christmas so I tried to be specific to be helpful. Its a pair of slippers I asked for, really not a big deal!

Clearly IABU and need to by my own slippers!

OP posts:
Original poster
GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 17:25

Buy

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 15/12/2017 17:29

I'm with your Mum on this one.

WeeBeasties · 15/12/2017 17:30

YANBU. It's rude of her.

Fair enough if she doesn't want to buy online but then she should ask your DH to do the actual purchasing. Is it a bit of a 'wife work' situation? Even more annoying when it's your own bloody gift!

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2017 17:30

I don’t know why folks think this is nice, is it fuck. The whole point of giving someone a gift is thr giving, the joy in it. Not fucking pick it and buy it and I’ll give you the cash.

I agree with you op, I wouldn’t buy them either. It is exactly like she feels she should and can’t be arsed.

Do the same to her. Send her an email and say “love your approach , you buy your gift from us and tell us how much we owe you. Tell father in law to do the same.

See how she likes it.

Rachie1973 · 15/12/2017 17:31

You sound like a prize arse quite honestly.

She probably thinks she's giving you something you really want and you prefer to act like a poor hard done by princess and throw a tantrum.

I should imagine your Mother is used to dealing with you and is trying to head the tantrum off at the pass.

Originalfoogirl · 15/12/2017 17:32

My mum invited my daughter and I on a trip to London with them. I ended up booking the whole damned thing. Despite them being retired and me working full time, they still though this was ok.

But, I got over it, we went and enjoyed ourselves. That’s what matters.

5foot5 · 15/12/2017 17:35

My DD wanted a pair of ankle boots for Christmas. I told her to choose what she wants and then let me know. The other day she whatsapped me a photo, the shop, the style number and the size. You know what? I still gave her the cash and asked her to buy them and then give them to me to wrap send to Santa.

I am not lazy about Christmas and present buying at all but I just feel that footwear is something you have to be there to get yourself.

cathyclown · 15/12/2017 17:37

Just buy them.

11 days to go before all this shite is well and truly over. Focus on that.

Then we can moan about something else.

claricestar · 15/12/2017 17:39

I don't know what you are making a fuss about. She's offering to pay for something for you and you get to choose it. say thank you, order it and move on

hesterton · 15/12/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 17:41

You sound like a 5 year old. If presents aren't important to you

a)why are you keeping tabs on what she bought you for x,y and z occasion

and

b) what's the big deal about ordering it yourself?

dingdongdigeridoo · 15/12/2017 17:41

YANBU. I'd find this kind of rude too. You say she's internet literate, yet can't even be arsed to place an order? It's the principle of the thing. Most online shops will even wrap it for you.

Just tell her to give you gift vouchers next year if she CBA.