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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants me to buy my own Christmas present...

110 replies

GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 16:56

AIBU to say no thanks??

She asked me what I wanted, I emailed link, size and as a bonus a discount code. I have led the proverbial horse to the water, but now she has come back and asked me to order it and she will give me the money.

I could not care less whether or not I get a present from my in laws, presents are not important to me. This feels like they are only buying me a present because they feel they have too. They don't! I didn't get a present from them for my birthday or wedding this year, a Christmas present really doesn't matter either.

My mother the voice of grace and reason suggests I ignore it, don't make a fuss and spoil Christmas but I want to respond with a thanks but no thanks. AIBU????

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:14

and even worse when they are hosting

Yes not only should they buy, prepare ,serve, cook and tidy up after your meal, they should also present you with a present

Allthewaves · 15/12/2017 18:15

My dad also has iphone, ipad and laptop however he never does online ordering.

I wouldn't have an issue tbh. Just order and send to her house

RadioGaGoo · 15/12/2017 18:15

Well.... that's normally what happens when I host my PIL

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:18

Well.... that's normally what happens when I host my PIL

Well...I'm not that demanding or precious. I take their hosting AS my present (Also help them with all I mentioned above). Time spent together is the greatest gift.

Twiceover · 15/12/2017 18:20

My mum does this all the time. I find it really annoying. Every Xmas and birthday I have to think of my own present, tell her what I'd like and then she asks me to order it myself and gives me the money.

It takes all the pleasure out of getting a present and basically just turns it into another chore on my to do list.

She also gets me to think of and order and wrap presents to DDs and DH as well. I know she means well but it's quite wearing!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/12/2017 18:21

I don't think it's ageist to suggest that she might not be confident ordering from your link online, or the discount code might have thrown her.
A lot of people are wary of putting credit card details online if they don't have Paypal or security protection. Some older people just don't like shopping online.

It may be the case that if you'd asked for a specific item from a shop, she would have gone ahead and bought it herself.

I really couldn't get my knickers in a twist over this, sorry.

derenstar · 15/12/2017 18:21

There are other things to get worked up about OP, surely? This is such a non-issue so I think YABU. Accept your MILs gift with grace or if you really dislike her approach, next time tell her to make a donation to your favourite charity.

RadioGaGoo · 15/12/2017 18:24

Demanding and precious? That I buy my PIL a present even when I'm hosting? What?

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:25

Demanding and precious? That I buy my PIL a present even when I'm hosting? What?

Read it again

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2017 18:26

GRRMIL YABVU.

"I could not care less whether or not I get a present from my in laws, presents are not important to me." Maybe they are important to other people though, it's not just about you.

"This feels like they are only buying me a present because they feel they have too." That's a funny way to interpret this. I wonder if your MIL is worried about getting the wrong thing?

"I didn't get a present from them for my birthday or wedding this year, a Christmas present really doesn't matter either."

Sounds like there is more to this than a one off.

"My mother the voice of grace and reason suggests I ignore it, don't make a fuss and spoil Christmas but I want to respond with a thanks but no thanks. AIBU????" By ignore this does your mum mean buy the gift and get the money from her, if so that sounds wise. If ignore it means pretend you did not get the email, that sounds like a bad idea.

Why would you want to act like this when someone wants to spend their money on you?

Just order the gift and get your dh to take it to his mum and get the money, or ask him to order it and get the money and pass it on for her to wrap it.

Mishappening · 15/12/2017 18:28

Just thank her and say you will look forward to choosing a present with the money when all the Christmas rush is over and the January sales are on.

This really is a non-issue. Honestly - people are sleeping rough in all this cold and you are grumbling about how your MIL should give you a present - you need to get a sense of proportion.

RadioGaGoo · 15/12/2017 18:34

Normally when I host Mumof56, I buy, prepare, cook, serve and tidy and still present a present to my PIL. You may take your PIL hosting as YOUR present, but I still don't see how its either demanding or precious to either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/12/2017 18:34

Are you hard work OP?

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:36

I still don't see how its either demanding or precious to either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them

I didn't say it was...read it again. If you still can't grasp what I'm saying, let me know and I'll explain it to you

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:38

@RadioGaGoo

Yes not only should they buy, prepare ,serve, cook and tidy up after your meal, they should also present you with a present

HTH

PhuntSox · 15/12/2017 18:38

The OP is hosting, not the MIL.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:39

@RadioGaGoo

Yes not only should they buy, prepare ,serve, cook and tidy up after your meal, they should also present you with a present

HTH

Original poster
GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 18:39

To put this into context my work is incredibly busy at the moment, I have one day off between now and Christmas. Coupled with a family birthday, people staying this weekend, and then again from Thursday, add in trying to get our last minutes gifts ticked off, the house cleaned and prepped, meal planning what to cook for the entire duration of Christmas and fitting in the food shop, there is a lot going on.

DH is a wonderful help so I am not doing it all myself but adding in having to buy myself a Christmas present when I thought I was being helpful by offering a suggestion of a gift idea, quite frankly it all feels a bit much and I was expressing my frustration that this was another thing I need to add to my to do list.

Anyway I think I deserve a glass of wine, before I fire up the laptop again! Merry Christmas!

OP posts:
grannytomine · 15/12/2017 18:41

My mother always gave me money to buy something at Christmas, much better than getting something you don't like.

grannytomine · 15/12/2017 18:41

It would probably have been quicker to order it than go through all the faff.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:42

You could have clicked the link and ordered it in the time it took you to post that long post

grannytomine · 15/12/2017 18:42

Great minds Mumof56.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2017 18:44

Twiceover if you don't need the money given by your relative for presents why not choose a charity gift.

overnightangel · 15/12/2017 18:48

The title of this thread should have been
“AIBU to let my MIL give me money for something I want and spend 25 times longer moaning about the fact on an Internet forum than it would take to order even though I’ve already found the link and it’d take 2 minutes? And oh woe is my isn’t my life so tough?”

whatsthewificode · 15/12/2017 18:50

I'm with you op. If she wants to buy you a present she should buy it, wrap it and give it to you.
If she's tech savvy then it's sending you the message that she can't be bothered.

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