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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants me to buy my own Christmas present...

110 replies

GRRMIL · 15/12/2017 16:56

AIBU to say no thanks??

She asked me what I wanted, I emailed link, size and as a bonus a discount code. I have led the proverbial horse to the water, but now she has come back and asked me to order it and she will give me the money.

I could not care less whether or not I get a present from my in laws, presents are not important to me. This feels like they are only buying me a present because they feel they have too. They don't! I didn't get a present from them for my birthday or wedding this year, a Christmas present really doesn't matter either.

My mother the voice of grace and reason suggests I ignore it, don't make a fuss and spoil Christmas but I want to respond with a thanks but no thanks. AIBU????

OP posts:
RemotesNotFuckingWorking · 15/12/2017 18:50

I hate this buy buy buy, it all about how much, making sure X amounts of £'s are equal. Madness. This element of Christmas stinks.

A friend of mine and I each have 2 children, we always get them all Christmas and birthday gifts. Never is it about the £'s, it's about enjoyment. So in £ value, for her kids it's not equal, neither will it be for mine. I don't care. Will all the kids enjoy their gifts, yes absolutely.

Lweji · 15/12/2017 18:52

She asked me what I wanted, I emailed link, size and as a bonus a discount code. I have led the proverbial horse to the water, but now she has come back and asked me to order it and she will give me the money.

It's not really a "suggestion".

Why not just ask for slippers, and your foot size?

Worse manners than offering to just give the money is to ask for one specific item, particularly with the discount code and all.

RemotesNotFuckingWorking · 15/12/2017 18:53

Christmas should be about thinking about and making sure the recipient will enjoy the thing you have chosen.

Candyfloss1122 · 15/12/2017 18:55

I'm with you op, to me a present is when someone takes the time to think about what another person wants, and buys for them because they think they will like it. Not "tell me what you want so I can pick you off a list". My mil does exactly the same every year, albeit she hasn't asked me to actually buy it myself before but wouldn't put it past her. If gifts are bought under those conditions like you I'd rather not have one at all. Could quite happily go with out present from everyone tbh, massive waste of time.

sanesera · 15/12/2017 18:55

YABU.

Giving her all the details on how to buy what not is the same as you buying and she giving you the money. Same result 🤗

Amanduh · 15/12/2017 18:56

The thing is, different threads today i've read are 1) why does xperson buy me something i dont want 2) i'd rather xperson bought me nothing 3) why does xpersin not buy me any gifts 4) i told xperson to buy me this and theyve bought something else and 5) now xperson wants to get me exact gift i want. Present giving it seems is never ever right!

SilverySurfer · 15/12/2017 18:56

I don't understand the problem and even if you are sooooo busy, you could have spent the time it took to create and respond to this thread actually ordering your present.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 18:57

1) why does xperson buy me something i dont want 2) i'd rather xperson bought me nothing 3) why does xpersin not buy me any gifts 4) i told xperson to buy me this and theyve bought something else and 5) now xperson wants to get me exact gift i want
6)they didn't spend enough

oliveinacampervan · 15/12/2017 18:59

The title of this thread should have been

“AIBU to let my MIL give me money for something I want and spend 25 times longer moaning about the fact on an Internet forum than it would take to order even though I’ve already found the link and it’d take 2 minutes? And oh woe is my isn’t my life so tough?”

This ^ Grin

RadioGaGoo · 15/12/2017 19:03

Mumof56, I'm assuming I read sarcasm where there was none.

anyoldname76 · 15/12/2017 19:08

i dont think its that rude, i ordered one of my presents online and my mum gave me the money for it, she does use the internet and has a smart phone but she doesn't like buying online

wednesdayswench · 15/12/2017 19:09

I agree with you OP, she just can't be arsed.

If I were you I'd 'be too busy' and 'forget' to order the gift. Buy yourself some slippers in the Christmas sales.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 19:10

@RadioGaGoo Mumof56, I'm assuming I read sarcasm where there was none

There was no sarcasm

I am not precious and demanding enough to expect someone that hosted me dinner to also present me with a present. I would be grateful for their effort and expense in hosting me and take that as my present. Time spent together is the greatest gift.
HTH

PhuntSox · 15/12/2017 19:17

The OP is expected to host and buy her own gift.

BraeburnsForAll · 15/12/2017 19:26

@mumof56 You really are being confusing on this thread...

Yes not only should they buy, prepare ,serve, cook and tidy up after your meal, they should also present you with a present

I am not being sarcastic. I am not precious and demanding enough to expect someone that hosted me dinner to also present me with a present. Time spent together is the greatest gift.

So you were actually being sarcastic and you do actually think it's precious and demanding to want a present from a host.

Anyways OP, I agree that it is lazy and would bug me too!

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 19:34

@BraeburnsForAll @mumof56 You really are being confusing on this thread

The post below is the one Radiogogaa took issue with. no sarcasm in it. nothing confusing about it.

Well...I'm not that demanding or precious. I take their hosting AS my present (Also help them with all I mentioned above). Time spent together is the greatest gift.

BraeburnsForAll · 15/12/2017 19:40

I found it confusing because radio asked you "I still don't see how its either demanding or precious to either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them" and you said "I didn't say it was...read it again." But then actually, you did.

Anyways, it's off the point of the thread really.

Farrar · 15/12/2017 19:47

I order my own presents from DM and MIL all the time! They're kind enough to buy me something I actually want so I don't see the problem, it takes minutes to order something and it can come directly to me or they can have it and wrap it.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 19:50

@BraeburnsForAll

I found it confusing because radio asked you "I still don't see how its either demanding or precious to either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them" and you said "I didn't say it was...read it again." But then actually, you did

No I didn't

either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them

When Radiogogaa is hosting her pil she says "I still don't see how its either demanding or precious to either present my PIL with a present or to receive one from them"

Radiogogaa is the host- agreed?

My post says I wouldn't be either demanding or precious enough to expect the host to host and give me a present

It's really not that difficult

BraeburnsForAll · 15/12/2017 19:57

@Mumof56 or to receive one from them She is obviously referring to the situation you are discussing - receiving a present when also being the host.

Seeing as both her and I were confused, and you found it necessary to play a word game about it all, I'd say you are purposefully being a wind up. So I'll disengage now I think.

RadioGaGoo · 15/12/2017 20:00

Saying Mumof56, obviously it is that difficult for me. Spell it out to me because I'm thick. You saying 'well..... I'm not that demanding or precious' suggests that you think I am. I'm trying to see why you think that.

Mumof56 · 15/12/2017 20:01

@BraeburnsForAll

Whatever,

It's there in black and white.

LadyB49 · 15/12/2017 20:16

i think they sometimes people just want to be offended.
And op, in your original post you sound like you're spoiling for a fight.
There's always the possibility that op is overwhelmed with Xmas preparations and MILs suggestion was the straw that broke her camels back.

MILs suggestions wouldn't have bothered me. If I was too busy id say thanks but I'm up to my eyes at present and will do it after the holidays.I
Not worth getting wound up about.
Not worth falling out over.
MIL will appreciate you being cooperative and think what a nice girl her son chose.

SpareASquare · 15/12/2017 20:27

How many times could you have ordered it whilst posting on this thread? Especially since you'd already researched where to buy from?

gingergenius · 15/12/2017 20:36

lots of older people don't enjoy using the internet, could it be that?

Nice bit of casual ageism there! @Ilovetolurk did you know that 'silver surfers' are the fastest rising users of the internet??? (By the way That's code for 'older people') Hmm

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