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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at photos at Nativity?

758 replies

MrsAnamCara · 14/12/2017 15:45

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 16/12/2017 08:29

If I want to film I will there is no hell you're gonna stop me

You'd have one strike and you're out here. If you deliberately flouted filming rules you'd be ask to withdraw your child from the school. That would be a nice memory for you to film.

Ketzele · 16/12/2017 08:48

Big lol at the paranoia here

That actually made me feel sick. What kind of sick idiot does it take to post that about families who are living under threat?

ElfOneself · 16/12/2017 09:18

My school allows you as long as you don't post it, we did have one performance we weren't allowed to film. I didn't hear any moans, but given all the photography kit some turn up with which blocks my view I'm sure a few were disappointed. That said i completely get it and got it, there was obviously a child who was at real risk. Thats fine, I'm not selfish enough to think my 'need' for a video trumps another families safety. Its sad and something social media has created, its made the world much smaller.

trevthecat · 16/12/2017 09:20

Did you not sign permission forms at the beginning of your child starting school? That covers them to allow photos to be taken

Ketzele · 16/12/2017 09:33

ElfOneself - thank you, you are restoring my faith!

Lizzie48 · 16/12/2017 09:34

My school allows you as long as you don't post it, we did have one performance we weren't allowed to film. I didn't hear any moans, but given all the photography kit some turn up with which blocks my view I'm sure a few were disappointed. That said i completely get it and got it, there was obviously a child who was at real risk. Thats fine, I'm not selfish enough to think my 'need' for a video trumps another families safety. Its sad and something social media has created, its made the world much smaller.

This. Surely the school are able to use their discretion about this.

differentnameforthis · 16/12/2017 09:34

What do you think will happen to your child if anyone sees a picture of them? Do you understand why schools have a no photographs/video policy in place?

mostimproved · 16/12/2017 09:41

I was at a school nativity yesterday and the phones/iPads were blocking my view so I couldn’t see my DS at all! The audience was a sea of phones and tablets and people would stand up to film when their child was speaking. I found this really irritating and is surely also distracting for the kids?
I would rather they at least just let one teacher record it perhaps and shared copies if all parents agree it’s ok.

Newname12 · 16/12/2017 09:41

What do you think will happen to your child if anyone sees a picture of them?

My child? Likely nothing.

The child mine is friends with, whose biological father is in prison for offences against them, and is in real danger if he finds them? You can’t imagine.

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2017 09:42

We usually have a statement that should not be used on social media and only four personal use.

MsHarry · 16/12/2017 10:13

This is only a problem due to social media. Photos use dot stay in a paper wallet from Kodak or wherever in the sideboard draw, only seen by family. It's not the photos, it's the potential to share globally on social media, which for some children could be dangerous.

Chimera246 · 16/12/2017 10:18

If you don't want your child to be filmed or appear in other people's pictures you always have the option to take them out of the play.
I don't get why that precious child is more important or has more rights than the others.
If I want to film I will there is no hell you're gonna stop me.

Well, I think any parent who absolutely has to film their child as soon as they hear a stage should be given the option to take them out of the play.

That would solve the issue all round.

Chimera246 · 16/12/2017 10:18

^near a stage

MyHeartIsInHavana · 16/12/2017 10:28

I'm a teacher. I understand that for some children in care etc, publishing photos/videos of a nativity online could lead to bad things happening.

I am a parent. I want to be able to watch my daughters performances back. I want to share them with relatives that cannot be there in person to watch. When my work hasn't allowed me time off to see my own daughters performances, my mum has gone along and videoed them for me.

We are on cctv all the time. We are caught on film by dash cams, private cctv (ie not council/shopping malls etc). This is the world we live in.
It's full of bad people, but it's also full of good people with good, innocent intentions. It's sad that this is even an issue now.

riceuten · 16/12/2017 10:29

Riceuten, you are the first person to mention paedophilia here. Maybe you are the 'hysterical' one

If only because people get incredibly agitated at their child's blurred, shaky, mostly unrecognisable picture being posted on social media - WHY ?

The only excuse I have ever heard outside the blanket "I didn't give my explicit permission" (who, frankly cares if you did or didn't?) is the "Oh my child's image might be misused by paedophiles etc etc" which I have heard a zillion times, with zero proof it has ever actually occurred outside the vivid imagination of a Daily Mail reader.

corythatwas · 16/12/2017 10:35

riceuten, there is a whole thread of blooming 21 pages explaining why parents are uncomfortable- and not a single one mentions paedophilia. They are:

parents who have escaped from a dangerous ex and is afraid of child being found

adoptive parents whose child is at danger from birth parents or other relatives

foster parents

parents whose job means their child might be at risk from someone wanting revenge (lawyers, police, social workers, journalist, politicians obvious categories but could be many more)

The reason a photo linking the child to the school is more dangerous than the child being spotted randomly out on town is because it links that child to a specific location where they are known to be at certain set times and often without the protection of the resident parent.

How many more times will posters on this thread have to explain this? 42 pages? 84?

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 10:37

Can you seriously not see why you need permission?

corythatwas · 16/12/2017 10:37

Or you might want to read this post from Newname:

"What do you think will happen to your child if anyone sees a picture of them?

My child? Likely nothing.

The child mine is friends with, whose biological father is in prison for offences against them, and is in real danger if he finds them? You can’t imagine."

Ketzele · 16/12/2017 10:38

Have you read the thread, Riceuten? Because nobody, nobody, has said they are worried their child's image might be misused by paedophiles. Instead, some posters with children who are at increased risk, have explained why this is an issue for them. So instead of asking WHY, why not read the answers you have already been given?

And then stop putting words in our mouths and have the respect to engage with what has actually been said here, rather than in your imagination.

Chimera246 · 16/12/2017 10:39

We are on cctv all the time. We are caught on film by dash cams, private cctv (ie not council/shopping malls etc).

That film does not get posted on social media.

Chimera246 · 16/12/2017 10:40

And if it does, the location is not usually as identifiable as a nativity play.

TittyGolightly · 16/12/2017 10:41

We are on cctv all the time. We are caught on film by dash cams, private cctv (ie not council/shopping malls etc). This is the world we live in.

You’re a teacher and you haven’t the sense to work out that:

The reason a photo linking the child to the school is more dangerous than the child being spotted randomly out on town is because it links that child to a specific location where they are known to be at certain set times and often without the protection of the resident parent.?

Fucking hell.

Ketzele · 16/12/2017 10:41

MyHeartisinHavana, I'm not sure I understand your post. You seem to suggest an equivalence between children's need for safety and your desire for video of your child's performances? And then you go on to talk about CCTV, as though images captured on private cameras and shared with nobody are equivalent to images shared on social media that are tagged and frequently convey information such as names, locations etc. And finally you say what a sad world, in a way that seems to imply that it's a shame but we just have to put up with that.

Is that seriously your message? As a teacher with responsibility for the care of vulnerable young people?

pollymere · 16/12/2017 10:42

My dd head used to always start with the reminder that videos etc must not be shared on social media. I've worked in schools where children would be at huge risk should their location get out so such a video or photo could provide a clue. In these cases, no videoing is allowed at all, and sometimes no photos either. We've had official photos done instead with those children taken out. You may have signed your rights away on a form that gives permission for your child to be videoed etc including performances. Unless you state no, then it's allowed and they can do what they like with it. I once had someone use my dd in a publicity campaign on FB. However, I'd stated that whilst she could be used in poster campaigns, she couldn't be used on social media. The campaign had to be withdrawn after I pointed this out, but there were lots of red faces and apologies.

pollymere · 16/12/2017 10:46

Oh, and I was actually worried about my child's image being used by paedophiles. I was on a course about protecting children and they showed us what they can do with social media images. shudder