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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at photos at Nativity?

758 replies

MrsAnamCara · 14/12/2017 15:45

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

OP posts:
user1476641978 · 15/12/2017 21:06

This reply has been deleted

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Roversandrhodes · 15/12/2017 21:08

They should just ban phones and cameras at school performances altogether

MrsPestilence · 15/12/2017 21:31

You are being mental. Nobody cares about your kid apart from you. Well done User I think you have just proved the point that parent pictures/ phones/ videos should be banned at school performances.

There’s always a twat. This thread’s littered with them.

StreyyTV · 15/12/2017 21:36

Big lol at the paranoia here. Love that my kid's school allows filming and I can get some nice videos of their performances.

bonbonours · 15/12/2017 21:39

While I get that in very particular situations such as OP's there are genuine reasons why some children should not be identified on social media, it seems to me there are a lot more people who are unnecessarily paranoid about their child being photographed.

I love to take photos and videos of my kids performing, and they love to look at them in later years. I just saw a video of my daughter from 4 years ago and it brought me to tears. Also, in many of our school productions there are limited tickets so doting grandparents cannot be accommodated, and it is nice to be able to show them videos and pictures. And, as someone else said, there are of course cases where a child dies - how would you feel if there were no videos of them in that situation?

As lots of others have said, at all performances we go to, they say you can take photos for your own use, but no sharing on social media unuless it's only your child. Even in an extreme situation like OPs, I think the risk of a child being seen and identified by someone they shouldn't be is minuscule if a video is just being physically shown to family and friends without being shared on social media.

I do think some people are utterly paranoid about it. A friend was going on about how people shouldn't post first day at school photos as it shows the child's school badge and they could be identified. My daughter walks down the road every day wearing her school blazer. In the unlikely event that someone was stalking her it would be pretty easy to tell which school she goes to.

Pixie2015 · 15/12/2017 21:47

These pictures will make memories for the children of their school days. In the future they may share them again at reunions and meet ups

Maireadplastic · 15/12/2017 21:55

Streyy, bon, Pixie- have you read ANYTHING beyond your own posts here??

myrtleWilson · 15/12/2017 21:55

I don't think there has been paranoia on this thread though -there have been articulate posters explaining the very real threats their children face... but hey ho lets dress this up as paranoia

StreyyTV · 15/12/2017 22:03

They're not very real threats. Maybe you can go full Michael Jackson and cover your kids faces with a towel when they go out. What if a stranger realises they exist?

Crummyfunnymummy · 15/12/2017 22:11

Oh FFS!!!! As long as not shared publicly. Why do people get so irate about this?! I’ve just been to both my children's Xmas plays this week, and it has brought joy to my heart to film the little (2.5 min) section they were each in. My DH and I have already watched the clips back several times. And shared them with our children, who loved watching them too! And I look forward to sharing them In person with our relatives who couldn’t be there. One of the lovely things about being able to film little clips on smartphones actually! No paedophiles will see these. They won’t be shared publicly. They won’t be emailed. Just watched now and again by a proud mum and dad who know their children are growing up so fast and who treasure these wonderful memories. Equally if someone wants to film their child in a school play and my child happens to be in the background, I don’t care!!! They could post it on FB for all I care. Shoot me now!!! Maybe I’m a bad /naive parent, but I dont really see the problem. There are no videos of me in any of my old school plays. We didn’t have smartphones then and my parents certainly couldn’t afford a camcorder. Such a shame! I would have liked to have watched those clips with my mum before she died.

myrtleWilson · 15/12/2017 22:13

What - how can you say that StreyyTV Did you think ketzele newhouse oleanna and others who've posted their experiences are making this up - and given you've posted previously on this thread you're either incredibly ignorant or a GF...

myrtleWilson · 15/12/2017 22:17

its like whack-a-mole round here.... crummy - its not about paedophile risk - as others have explained, its about safeguarding vulnerable children. And most posters have said they are broadly comfortable with not sharing on social media - but the problem is how do you police that? There have been examples upthread where headteachers have said their school's policy is no filming by parents but the school will film and make available - but that doesn't stop parents (carers) in the audience whipping out their phones. So if people don't follow a rule in the seconds after the headteacher has set it out... what faith do those parents of vulnerable children have that the no sharing on social media will be adhered to?

StreyyTV · 15/12/2017 22:19

I'm not saying anybody made anything up. I'm saying you should look at the big picture. It's paranoia to look at a minority of incidents and live in fear of them.

1800 people died on UK roads last year. How can you let your kids out of the house? It's a "real threat"!. Wait...better not keep them in the house, I just saw on BBC News some kids died in a house fire. It's a "real threat". Let's be scared of it!'

Lethaldrizzle · 15/12/2017 22:23

Nanny ogg you are in no position to deem what is special to other parents, unless of course you are the special parental moments police!

Maireadplastic · 15/12/2017 22:28

You're not getting it, Streyy. Rewind the thread and read what real threats people are talking about. It's got nothing to do with paranoia, stranger danger or paedophilia. This is about real children with real lives.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/12/2017 22:29

I opt my children out of all photos,promo material,anything identifying
So no it’s not tough,it’s my choice

Crummyfunnymummy · 15/12/2017 22:30

I just feel like everyone should chill out a bit although now I’ve read the thread more closely i do understand the reasons why some people have objected. I still feel we live in such sad times. We need to celebrate the joyous! School plays are an absolute joy. All this policing this and banning that....It is a shame that some people are unable to adhere to polite requests about not sharing clips. But I’m afraid I’m not going to agree that filming school plays should be banned. Maybe we just have to agree to disagree here...

luckylorca · 15/12/2017 22:33

SwissGemma: how do you blur other kids out in a (group) photo you take of your kid? I have no idea how to do that so it might be useful to share... Thanks.

PurplePenguins · 15/12/2017 22:41

The majority of schools include permission forms in the welcome pack. In our pack is the emergency contact form, photography consent form and local trip consent form. It should have been stated at the performance if you could not take photos. We have a child who cannot be photographed at all and so our show was no photography during the performance and all the parents were given am opportunity to take photos after.

Lizzie48 · 15/12/2017 22:43

I agree with those saying that filming for personal use should be allowed, with the proviso that it's not shared on social media. I've certainly never seen that abused on Facebook and no one has said anything about anyone doing that.

We weren't sure about it at first, as our DDs are adopted, and we were cautious about agreeing to them being pictured in promotional material for the school but we're comfortable with it now.

MrsPestilence · 15/12/2017 22:48

I've just been on facebook and searched nativity, I found three different ones with big groups of DC shown (all have been liked by friends, hence visible to me). Unfortunately people can not be trusted not to share and have no clue about privacy settings. I have no school age DC.

bonbonours · 15/12/2017 23:01

More to the point here is that as the OP has an actual important reason why her kid should not be photographed, then she should have made that very clear to the school. Everywhere my kids go I have to sign forms to say whether I am happy for them to photographed. If the school knew there was an issue but allowed photographs that is one thing. If you have not told them there is an issue, or refused permission for photographs then you can't complain about it. People are not mindreaders and schools do not know about an issue if you don't tell them.

Given that in the OP, no mention was made by the school of parents not being allowed to film, then you have no right to complain about them doing so. Also if nobody was asked I would presume this is because everyone has previously signed something about photographs. If that is not the case, then OP should be talking to the school about it. I'm incredulous that in a genuine serious situation such as this, it has not yet occurred to the OP to clarify the school position on photos.

Newname12 · 15/12/2017 23:07

It’s not paranoia if you have an ex that is a very real threat to you and the kids if he finds you.

It’s not paranoia to the kids in foster who have been removed from birth families because they were being sexually, physically or emotionally abused.

It’s not paranoia to the family who have agreed to give evidence against someone who may want to harm them.

It’s not paranoia to know that there are many, many people out there trawling the web for photos of kids. It’s is not the same as walking down the street in school uniform. It’s walking your kid down the street lined with everyone in the world that owns a computer. You vastly increase the chance of someone who would harm your child being on the street.

Part of my job is tracking people down. You would not believe what i can find on the internet. I can usually get name, address, phone, work details, number of kids, what schools the kids go to, kids friends, kids hobbies, pets, in a matter of minutes.

I don’t post pictures of my kids online. Yet i can find both of them very easily, school, location, hobbies. With pictures. All it takes is a name in a school newsletter or the results of an athletics competition.

MrsPestilence · 15/12/2017 23:11

And plans of their house NewName

cherish123 · 15/12/2017 23:27

It is standard practice but I think you have nothing to worry about. People post photos of school plays etc all the time.