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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at photos at Nativity?

758 replies

MrsAnamCara · 14/12/2017 15:45

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

OP posts:
manicmij · 15/12/2017 18:57

There are laws about photographing, videoing children. Think unless over 16 years old permission is needed. Surprised school didn't seek written consent and would for every occasion.

cantkeepawayforever · 15/12/2017 18:57

Not to mention the fact that the same people who complain about not being able to film / post pictures will be the first ones to complain when the school has to activate the pre-prepared lockdown procedure when the violent ex finds where their child is at school.....

PersianCatLady · 15/12/2017 18:58

Sure, people can take pictures in public areas, but if they want to publish it they need permission. I won’t give permission and my child is too young to understand what it means, so it would be unfair to just put pictures of him online
Wrong, no one needs your permission to publish pictures of you or your children taken in public areas.

natjojo · 15/12/2017 19:01

When my children were little we were just forbidden by their nursery to take pictures or videos. Just that. 15 years later we have nothing of those days, their friends and no memories to look at. It is a bare as that.

I am of a generation where pictures were rare because they were not digital. I still have some. Ironic, isn't it?

crunchymint · 15/12/2017 19:02

Yes photos taken in public needs no ones permission to be published.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/12/2017 19:04

Ah but she was recording those most precious, fleeting moments of his childhood Hmm

Seriously, unless your child is a budding actor and you're hoping to make some money in a tv documentary about their early years does it matter if their early performances are lost? What did we do before every bugger had a camera, phone, tablet to record stuff on - ah yes, we went, watches the performance, wept a bit and told anyone who couldn't make it that our child is a budding Lawrence Olivier. But no, you're right to have a grainy, wobbly recording of your child picking their nose to away in a manger supersedes both my right to watch my child without being obstructed by a phone wielding ubermamma and my child's right to safety in their school environment.

threehoursin · 15/12/2017 19:07

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FaveNumberIs2 · 15/12/2017 19:08

Yanbu and you need to complain to the school quick sharpish.

Maemae06 · 15/12/2017 19:12

Personally I just don’t get people problem with school plays being filmed. My dad filmed all mine and I love watching them back! If you are in one of the situations above then don’t let the child take part but why should we all miss out on recorded memories for the sake of a few. What person is gonna watch other people’s films of other people’s children.they are as boring as unless it’s your child!! Personally I’m not on social media though so only seeing it from wanting to keep memories of my children’s childhood.

Mrseft · 15/12/2017 19:12

I took photos and video of my daughters nativity, we were allowed to by the school and we were just asked not to share on social media (which I wouldn't have anyway due to other kids being in the shots). You aren't being entirely unreasonable but you aren't being completely reasonable either. I wanted a record of my child's first ever performance of anything, I had no plans to put it on social media - you are assuming every parent will put it on social media

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 19:14

then don’t let the child take part but why should we all miss out on recorded memories for the sake of a few

Can you read? Because it's been explained on COUNTLESS occasions as to why it's completely inappropriate to remove a vulnerable child from yet another element of normalcy

Ikabod · 15/12/2017 19:15

Same as Queen for us. We were all told twice before the performance not to take photos or videos. The nursery staff took photos and have spent time sending a few to each parent with snowflakes covering the faces of any other children in the photo.
I think it's sad they have to do this - but if it's for safeguarding or privacy then it's fine by me Smile

myrtleWilson · 15/12/2017 19:16

maemae so you're suggesting that a child that has perhaps had a difficult, scary, possibly violent, disruptive start to life, a child who perhaps has moved through foster carers before being adopted should then be excluded from some of the big "celebratory" events in the school year - thats not my idea of inclusion

limecordial · 15/12/2017 19:16

Rule at our school is photos and videos fine but you cannot share on social media (you can if it’s just your child obviously.) I think this is pretty fair.

Dancergirl · 15/12/2017 19:17

But no, you're right to have a grainy, wobbly recording of your child picking their nose to away in a manger supersedes both my right to watch my child without being obstructed by a phone wielding ubermamma and my child's right to safety in their school environment

Totally agree.

starlight13 · 15/12/2017 19:18

I think YABU. When you started with the school or each year in fact, you should be given a form to sign to say if you don't want your child being filmed. Those children would then wear a mask in the play etc so that they cannot be recognised.
What I find absolutely ridiculous/annoying is that the parents of those 'precious' children still let them sit for class school photos and then have their face fuzzed out for copies going to us but their copy shows all of our children!
Completely understand about child protection issues but that is why you sign the form and get your child's face covered - it is your responsibility, not the problem of the other parents.

Landed · 15/12/2017 19:18

Well said threehoursin
Complain OP

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/12/2017 19:19

Why should my child miss out on the one part of school in which she actually feels accepted and confident so that you can have a few recorded memories.

libbyb · 15/12/2017 19:21

Habits aside, Miaow the cat- absolutely right description and brotherphil - exactly re-iterating the headteachers concerns - You can alter your footage to show your child - don't show anyone else's!

Dancergirl · 15/12/2017 19:23

My dad filmed all mine and I love watching them back

Well that makes it all right then doesn't it?? Hmm

What is it with people on this thread? After 17 pages can you people really not see the issues?

threehoursin · 15/12/2017 19:24

@Maemae06 I am genuinely dumbfounded that you could read some of the replies on this thread and still go ahead and post that. Do you really not get it? Really? After all the actual, real life, honest examples that have been shared on this thread? The examples that explain so perfectly and clearly why photos etc are an issue?

Maemae06 · 15/12/2017 19:25

Yes I’m sure these children need to be included what I’m saying is what about us who just want to record a special moment in our child’s childhood to one day look back when we blink and they are grown! I would have no intention of putting it on social media (as I said I’m not on!) so why should I not be able to film! If there was a case where the child was at extreme risk if someone was to find out then yes I would not put them in to not take the risk.i could film my child at the park and others be in the background...how can you monitor this??

Maireadplastic · 15/12/2017 19:26

'These laws annoy me. Sorry but this data protection probably has a good reason but honesty its just too much'

Don't say sorry when you're not.

Olympiathequeen · 15/12/2017 19:28

Taking photos of whole classes is not the issue. It’s no different than looking at children in the playground. It’s posting them on social media that’s the problem. We had a quick lecture saying photo privileges will be withdrawn if the pictures of other children were posted. Totally right. Especially as Dd decided on an impromptu display of underwear

rcit · 15/12/2017 19:28

Op the school may have a policy of allowing photos of dc as long as parents have not objected to this. Have you informed the school that your dc cannot be photographed? If no, I would do it asap and have them send an email to all parents telling them that nativity recordings must not go on social media.