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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at photos at Nativity?

758 replies

MrsAnamCara · 14/12/2017 15:45

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 14/12/2017 21:24

I was always annoyed by the no photo stuff, it seemed so precious. But, reading this thread, I can understand it more. If I take photos, as our school allows, the only time they will go on Social Media is if they are of our girl alone, or with friends who’s parents I know are happy to have them shared. Our school tweets photos of the children all the time. I assume they only include those who have consented.

However this a list of children in each class that was sent home for Christmas card writing 😱. Unless it's edited (and I really hope so) that is a huge safeguarding issue. is utterly ridiculous. I know the first and last names of every child in our girl’s class. Also of most in the rest of the year group. Also a bunch of the rest of them in the school. I have never had a list, I know it because she talks about them all the time. It is not a safeguarding issue to send out a list.

perfectstorm · 14/12/2017 21:26

LaPompadour my mum was a single working parent with a long commute, and could never come to most stuff we were in. I do understand, honestly, and I am sorry if my frustration with some earlier posters looked like I was sneering at parents who have to miss events. Honestly, I am just so appalled by some comments here I reacted to that. I really do think that pro images (or a kind parent who is good with a camera, like an earlier poster) is the way forward here, for all concerned.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 21:28

But it was also so nice not to be sitting behind someone with a phone stuck up in the air so you couldn't see a thing

Or a great big iPad Angry

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 14/12/2017 21:28

Like it or not your child is part of another chils’s History. It gives me a lot of pleasure looking at all the pictures from my past. I honestly can’t see the issue unless for specified reasons.

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 21:29

Piggy.

Apart from two specific situations which I'm not going to be posting about on a public forum I have never demanded that my kids school ban photo taking just because of my children.

In the school I happen to know that another family has refused photo permission for all their kids because one was adopted.

There is also another family who are in the public a lot.

Whatever school policies the school makes isn't my business. My business is how they keep my kids safe.
Thankfully the head teacher actually has some common sense and will work with parents to find a solution.

Putting my kids at risk isn't an acceptable solution.

piggybrownhare · 14/12/2017 21:30

Fatberg does edited not mean to blur out faces?! Ok then! Pedantic. Much. Thank you for the little symbol I am very glad that I don’t share your opinions.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 21:30

I honestly can’t see the issue unless for specified reasons

Have you RTFT TomSelleck?

fatberg · 14/12/2017 21:33

piggy edited could also mean with scenes missing, or where one kid is deliberately out of shot or any other number of things where kid gets to take part in his school day and not end up on some selfish prick’s fb.

JacquesHammer · 14/12/2017 21:34

Some of you people really need to relax!

🙄

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 21:34

Sending out class lists can also be a safeguarding issue.

For example:

Mr Barry Wellies and Mrs Betty Wellies

Children: Doris and Dennis Wellies

Then goes on to list classes, home address and contact details.

So when you get your shiny new class list in September you stick it to the fridge with a magnet. And then my home address is available for all to see.

7 degrees of separation and all of that.

My entry on the class list reads something like

Betty W

Children- Doris and Dennis

Then a non identifying email address and a school-only phone number.

piggybrownhare · 14/12/2017 21:37

So wellies, you don’t want filming to stop, so what do you want to happen? What would be your ideal solution? If you want other parents not to post on social media then I am in agreement? Don’t really understand why you have addressed the post to me?

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 21:39

Piggy.

I will relax when and only when there is no risk of any nutjobs connected with the job DH does finding out anything more than his name and who he works for.

Yes, people working for his employers have been stalked before and yes, things have happened. There are some very odd people out there who are very unpredictable

PunkrockerGirl59 · 14/12/2017 21:40

No cameras is actually the answer.
Can't believe some of the responses on here. Those of you living in that perfect little family bubble where nothing bad ever happens. Your children may not be harmed by filming.
Some children will be harmed and put at even more risk than they are already.
You really think your right to photograph/film little snowflake for posterity trumps another parent's right to keep their child safe?
Really?

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 21:41

Piggy- read through a few of the posts I have already written.

I've mentioned at least twice ways in which my kids joined in with the school show, it was filmed and they themselves were not filmed.

There's a lot to be said for clever editing and camera angles.

piggybrownhare · 14/12/2017 21:42

I know what edited mean fatberg! And yes editing a school play dvd would ultimately mean removing or blurring faces, god, or removing scenes of you really want to be pedantic and obsessive! I think we stray from the point though.... or do you just disagree with my opinion and this is making you want to pull apart and dissect what I say to try and distort it and discredit my post?! I will google the word edit and make sure I know what it means, promise! 🤔

perfectstorm · 14/12/2017 21:45

If a child's face is blurred out that flags up that there is an issue, too. It breaches their privacy that way. Editing a DVD so they don't appear in shot, and few kids and no parents other than their own would be likely to notice. Assuming that you've never seen a blurred face and so by process of deduction your child's school has never had this issue... I mean, you wouldn't, would you? That isn't how it's handled.

As for being over invested... I mean, maybe it's just me, but I would be worried if a poster's child were directly affected by this issue, and they didn't care. Caring's their job, no?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/12/2017 21:45

The problem is even if you say no social media there is always some idiot who thinks 'It won't do any harm, nobody will ever know' and posts it. And then their sister sees it and shares it, and then her colleague sees it and says 'Isn't that your mate Dave's son? The one who's evil Mum won't let him see them or tell him where they are'.

And then come Monday morning Dave, who has been violent towards them all and has been very clear he will kill them is waiting outside school and a whole family have to uproot their lives.

I have disabled family who can't make it so it's important to us to get images or videos. But it has to be worked in a way that works for everyone. So school filmed DVDs to buy and a photocall with some children absent. I think the blanket bans without even a photocall are very sad though.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/12/2017 21:49

Honestly Punkrocker, if you're not prepared to compromise with a photocall or a school filmed DVD I think you should probably pull your children out of the activity altogether. Most people can see that both those who want pictures and those who do can be accommodated.

Originalfoogirl · 14/12/2017 22:01

So when you get your shiny new class list in September you stick it to the fridge with a magnet. And then my home address is available for all to see.

🙄Your address is not on the list. That would be a data protection breech.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 22:05

Elton - and all the parents who think that the "no Facebook" policy is precious and unnecessary will find themselves in the path of an irate Dave, who has a strong of convictions - including prison time - for violence and is now stood outside the school door hammering to be let to "get his stolen child back"

PunkrockerGirl59 · 14/12/2017 22:05

Elton
When it comes to safeguarding at risk children, no I absolutely won't comprise and neither should anyone else.
Grin at pulling my children out of the activity. They're 26 and 24.
I used to actually go and watch their nativities instead of waving cameras/ipads around so that the people behind me couldn't see. I've got photos of them in their costumes taken at home. We survived somehow Confused

piggybrownhare · 14/12/2017 22:08

Punkrocker take it up with the school, if the issues are that severe you are within your rights to get school to ban parents from filming, or take them out of the play if their safety is compromised by it, but I am pretty sure my kids don’t go to your school, therefore I will keep on filming as long as the policy allows me to. I suppose what I am saying is that the posters on here with individual issues need to make school aware and should push for filming to be banned at their school/take kids out of the play/deal with their individual circumstances. Can everyone else just keep on filming, I am under the assumption that that’s ok until I am told not to by my school. Don’t worry I definitely won’t be posting on social media.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/12/2017 22:10

So why can't there be a photocall at the end that your child isn't in punkrocker? Or a video where they are edited out and it's checked and distributed by the school? Because it comes across like just because your children can't do something you want to ruin it for everybody else.

UnbornMortificado · 14/12/2017 22:12

I can't have my DD's photos on the school website etc.

Her father is out of jail. He's extremely violent, tried to murder me (not an exaggeration) threatens to kidnap her regularly and I don't doubt (neither do SS or the police) he would hurt DD to punish me.

I just want her to live a normal life as possible. She's 4.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 22:13

Elton - can you not see the problem with "OK, everyone in Year 1 line up, sheep at the front, angels at the back. Wise men on the ends please - hang on, not you Johnny. Or you Timmy. Sally, you need to step out of the shot as well please. Alright everyone (else), say "cheese!""?