AIBU to buy a gift when the invite says "No presents"?

[ElenaBothari]

I've been invited to a birthday party for a 3 year old that says "No presents" on the invite.

I know they live in a small flat, so worry about storage space and clutter. I thought I could take the kind of gift that gets up, like paint or craft supplies.

Just feels so rude to turn up with nothing, but then maybe it's ruder to ignore their wishes....

I put no gifts please on my DD's 2nd birthday invite, everyone broughy a gift and some people actually bought 2. Think they thought I was depriving her. She was turning 2 she didn't need any more Stuff! Close friends put money in a card though.

I think it can get out of control with gifts though - she wanted an enormous party for her last birthday so she had that as her present from us, she got so many presents that 10 months later there are still some left over (she did have 50 or so guests and it was a totally amazing do!)

If they said no gifts, it means no gifts. It's not a secret code for cash please, it means no gifts. Just take a card!

They're probably quite frugal people.

At our girls 5th birthday we asked her guests to bring school backpacks for a charity who feed children in Malawi, instead of presents. (20 Kids, too much stuff). Our girl was totally on board with it, she loved the idea that her birthday meant children could go to school and knew she would still get family gifts.

We STILL ended up with gifts, about ten of them. And it was mainly just “stuff”, you know the “must grab a ten quid something from the supermarket” type stuff. One person got her something really personal and thoughtful and explained she had already bought it for her before the invite so that was fine, but so many said they just thought it was better to bring something for her. One said “my boy really likes choosing gifts and wouldn’t understand about the backpack and I didn’t want to upset him”. That annoyed me as surely explaining that it would be a gift, just for children who had nothing, would be the thing to do? We got 16 backpacks and she was so proud about it.

If they say no gifts, they don’t want gifts.

OP I'm glad you've been able to speak to the mum and she has explained that she did actually mean 'no presents'. You can take your child to the party with no present without feeling awkward about it.

Now perhaps the hard of thinking can get it round their heads that writing that on an invite, means exactly that, and it's not a code for 'give me cash'.

Yes I feel better about it having actually spoken to her, tbh I should probably just have phoned her to check in the first place rather than agonising about it on mumsnet :)

Donation to charity of their choice is a great idea.

I've been to a no presents wedding years ago many others took champagne type gifts. I took nothing and still feel so so guilty about it. The couple were older so really needed nothing.

If I received a child's party invite with that message I'd assume the parents were trying to avoid clutter so I'd give cash or book token.
Cash can be banked for future no child can have too much savings or book token something not taking up too much space.

I took nothing and still feel so so guilty about it.

Why do you feel guilty for following someone's clearly stated request?

It wouldn't occur to me that 'no presents' meant 'money please'. Which might be an issue because we've been to a few parties and weddings and just taken it at face value!