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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to buy a gift when the invite says "No presents"?

133 replies

ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 12:40

I've been invited to a birthday party for a 3 year old that says "No presents" on the invite.

I know they live in a small flat, so worry about storage space and clutter. I thought I could take the kind of gift that gets up, like paint or craft supplies.

Just feels so rude to turn up with nothing, but then maybe it's ruder to ignore their wishes....

OP posts:

thedevilinablackdress · 14/12/2017 13:55

I take it you're going to go along with everything else on the invite? Time, location? Not going to turn up an hour late?
Sorry for the sarcasm but for goodness sake adhere to their request. I know it might feel a little odd but think how they will feel if you ignore them?

domesticslattern · 14/12/2017 14:07

Respect their wishes! No present means no present.
I could actually get quite angry about this. When someone asks for something in clear English, why ignore it? WHY?
I write 'No Presents please' often on invitations and am always stunned by people who think it doesn't apply to them. Yes it does! That's why I wrote it!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 14/12/2017 14:11

Good for them. I wish more people went for "no presents" for young children who have plenty of toys already

danTDM · 14/12/2017 14:24

FGS NO PRESENTS PLEASE means that. Stop coming up with crazy alternative presents people.

mindutopia · 14/12/2017 14:28

No, I would truly not bring a present. We often ask this and we truly do not want a present. We have enough stuff and don't need the clutter and we usually buy a few small things our dd really wants, but don't need or want anything extra. If it's a close enough friend and would be appropriate, they probably won't be offended by a card with a little bit of money for a savings account if you truly can't bring yourself to come empty handed. I wouldn't actually mind that, like it wouldn't annoy me, though it wouldn't be necessary at all, but we truly don't want or expect any actual presents.

MuseumOfCurry · 14/12/2017 14:50

I'd bring a bottle of wine.

kaytee87 · 14/12/2017 15:07

People seem to give me bottles of wine and prosecco a lot. I really hate wine so it doesn't get used.

If they've said no gifts then they do mean, no gifts.

Original poster

ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 15:08

Ok...majority view seems to be really genuinely no presents, not even a present that won't take up space like money.

So I guess I will stick to it, but I am worried everybody else will ignore them and bring gifts and then I'll look weird or rude. I might take two alternative cards (one with a voucher for the local bookshop) and see what others are doing.

Appreciate I am massively over thinking this, new to the area and a bit stressed about making "mum friends"!

OP posts:

Original poster

ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 15:08

And yes we have about 30 bottles of wine that I just don't want and can't use, so I'm wary of those kind of generic gifts for the parents!

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 14/12/2017 15:09

You won't look weird or rude, honestly, they will by ignoring the parents request.

SunshineHQ · 14/12/2017 15:13

We had DS's 1st birthday party, just before moving to the USA. By then, all our furniture / house contents had been shipped, and we just had airline luggage allowance for our flight the following week.

My fab SIL turned up with a helium balloon on a short string and weight. DS1 thought it was fantastic.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 14/12/2017 15:16

Money is a present though so is a voucher...people that put this are angling for money I would take fuck all

Wow. What a peculiar and somewhat sad take on things.

Take nothing OP. There are several reasons why they may not want presents, just respect their wishes. Nice card, nice smile, that's it

rcit · 14/12/2017 15:21

I would stick a fiver in a card.

I reckon the parents don't want any more toys, particularly round Christmas time and would genuinely prefer to receive nothing than clutter.

Gift cards are a bloody pain sometimes. They can get lost and wasted or require a trip to a store you don't go to usually, just to buy something you don't need. Even online if you spend a gift card on an item, it still requires you to pay delivery. So you have to pay to spend the card. Just do cash. It's so much easier.

rcit · 14/12/2017 15:22

Nobody can be pissed at a £5 note in a card surely

Smidge001 · 14/12/2017 15:31

No presents means no presents, which means no money in a card too! Other party goers will feel REALLY awkward if they see the child opening the card and money/gift tokens in there, when they have followed the request and not got anything.
I think it would be really rude to do that.

needmymouthsewnup · 14/12/2017 15:51

I would also take them at their word and not take anything, but maybe get one of those cards that come with stickers or a space for colouring or something.

PS - OP, if you need someone to offload those 30 bottles of wine off on, I am happy to forward you my address...

irregularegular · 14/12/2017 15:54

Ask them if you can bring anything for the birthday tea. Or if there is a charity they would like you to make a small donation too instead. Then you have shown a willingness to be helpful and generous, without going against their wishes.

If I said no presents I would mean no presents.

Motoko · 14/12/2017 23:38

FFS so many people on this thread telling the OP to ignore the request. Money and vouchers ARE PRESENTS!

WHY? Why would you do that? Do you all think you know better than the parents of the birthday child? Maybe they don't want to feel they have to reciprocate. Maybe they feel their child has enough, toys and savings. A voucher would need to be spent on a thing, so if they don't want more 'things' being brought into the house, it's just as pointless getting a voucher as a toy.

And so what if you're the only person who has respected the parents wishes, they'll probably be thankful for that.

roseretro · 14/12/2017 23:45

The paint/craft set or whatever can easily be considered clutter. What if the kids don’t like them/use them or they cause a mess etc. Honestly op it’s MORE rude of you to bring a gift then not, the paint isn’t a necessity? Like if they wanted random gifts/clutter they wouldn’t have specified no gifts.

PrincePooPoo · 14/12/2017 23:55

guess I will stick to it, but I am worried everybody else will ignore them and bring gifts and then I'll look weird or rude

Why would they think you're rude for listening to the card?

I've said no presents before. It was exactly what I meant too

As to a pp calling it actually really rude...in what sense? I have every right to dictate the contents of my home.

Bue · 14/12/2017 23:55

Just get a really nice card OP. My friend had a party for her 4 and 6 year olds recently and requested donations to a charity rather than presents. It felt odd to me too so I asked my friend if she was really serious about no presents and was assured she would be very cross with me if I showed up with a present! The boys want for nothing and she just didn't want any more clutter in the house.

The party was wonderful and I don't think they even missed the gifts. I'm a total convert to the idea and will be doing the same for DD when she turns 3. She is so spoiled already by GPs and aunts that she doesn't need more stuff from friends.

CountFosco · 14/12/2017 23:56

We have a storage box under the bed full of unused craft kits. Don't buy a present.

Original poster

ElenaBothari · 15/12/2017 07:09

Thanks for your thoughts everybody - I'm going to ask if they'd like me to bring anything to the party, and will take a nice card that folds out or can be coloured in or something, but won't take a present.

OP posts:

thegreylady · 15/12/2017 07:11

How about a book token? I bet they will be happy to choose a book with the child at some point.

TaggieRR · 15/12/2017 07:14

I would do what you said, put a voucher in an envelope, wrap it and leave it in your bag. If everyone else has gifts then you can give it?

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