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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy a gift when the invite says "No presents"?

133 replies

ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 12:40

I've been invited to a birthday party for a 3 year old that says "No presents" on the invite.

I know they live in a small flat, so worry about storage space and clutter. I thought I could take the kind of gift that gets up, like paint or craft supplies.

Just feels so rude to turn up with nothing, but then maybe it's ruder to ignore their wishes....

OP posts:
Newmanwannabe · 14/12/2017 13:00

what about a UNICEF inspired gift donation, in the child's name? £6 will buy 10 skipping ropes?

MaggieFS · 14/12/2017 13:03

I'd they've said no presents then I'd respect that and not even do a voucher. Perhaps a bottle of wine or flowers for the parents or even a charity donation in lieu?

danTDM · 14/12/2017 13:05

THE DON'T WANT PRESENTS! FFS

MaggieFS · 14/12/2017 13:05

(Fully aware something for the parents may also be seen as a present, but also a 'thanks for having us/organising')

andadietcoke · 14/12/2017 13:05

I took a bottle for the Mum last time I had this request. Thought she might need it after the party!

Mia1415 · 14/12/2017 13:06

I'd go with a voucher. I once went to a 3rd birthday party that said the same on the invitation and I felt awful when everyone else turned up with presents!

danTDM · 14/12/2017 13:06

THEY

A donation, a voucher, money, book token...
These are presents.

Agree maybe a bottle of wine for parents, but they don't want it. What is the problem with this?

EmmaC78 · 14/12/2017 13:07

They have made it quite clear they don't want anything so I would not take anything.

Original poster
ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 13:08

This is interesting. It's so ingrained in me that you take a present to a birthday party that I'm really struggling with this idea (I'm diagnosed on the spectrum so I can be a bit rigid about social rules) but maybe I should just take them at their word. I definitely don't want to be rude or to make the other guests feel awkward.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 13:10

Yes, YABU. They said no presents, so please don't take one.

Whitecurrants · 14/12/2017 13:10

Depending on how well you know them, you could take the child out for lunch/trip to the cinema/some other fun activity one day. I have friends who do that instead of bringing birthday presents and it’s lovely.

NataliaOsipova · 14/12/2017 13:15

The best way I've seen of putting this was on an (admittedly adult) party invitation which said "I'm too old for presents, but funny cards would be appreciated". It is a bit of a conundrum with a child. Perhaps you could invite the child out, say, to the cinema or something and write that in the card?

Onlyoldontheoutside · 14/12/2017 13:16

Get a really nice card,one of those that open out into an animal that way you've not given a present but have given something that the child will love.

Motoko · 14/12/2017 13:18

If they've said no presents, then just take a card. If others turn up with gifts, it just shows that they've disrespected what the parents asked.

So, no gifts, and that includes vouchers and money.

LoniceraJaponica · 14/12/2017 13:19

No it doesn't Lola Hmm

There is always someone who finds something negative to say.

HRMumness · 14/12/2017 13:20

I wouldn't take a present. Put some money in a card if you have to for the child's bank account but don't feel bad bringing nothing. We recently had a big party for my daughter's 3rd birthday and I desperately wanted to put this and didn't. We got loads of really lovely and thoughtful presents but we have too much stuff in our house. My daughters have too many things in general. They just don't need it. Having to sort through all those things and find new homes for them made me feel really anxious.

iboughtsnowboots · 14/12/2017 13:21

A really nice card only. You could also offer to take DC on an outing with your DC, soft play, cinema, trampoline park, etc

KC225 · 14/12/2017 13:26

I had twins in a one bedroom flat and I would say one present 'if you must' but we would rather have you there. People are so generous though. I think you are being kind and appreciative. I am glad you have decided to do a voucher. I don't agree about the vouchers being a pain, kids even as young as three love picking out their own things. If we got vouchers I would make a big afternoon of it. Letting them choose something and handing over the vouchers themselves etc. They loved it.

Nyx · 14/12/2017 13:28

I would put cash in the card. They can put it in the child's piggy bank or whatever. I wouldn't see that as a present, I would assume they were talking about wrapped presents. If that was not the case, I really doubt cash in a card would really annoy them anyway (not as much as taking a wrapped present to a party where the invitation said no presents).

Viviennemary · 14/12/2017 13:29

You can take a gift if you like. I nearly always do. A voucher is best idea. I don't think they're hinting at money.

alphajuliet123 · 14/12/2017 13:33

Gift card for the local cinema and a bag of popcorn / sweets.

I also would struggle with taking nothing at all. Can you maybe ask another mum If you don't want to ask the actual mum!) why the no presents rule? I want to know!

kaytee87 · 14/12/2017 13:36

I can't believe people are still suggesting you take presents when they've asked people not to.

MaidenMotherCrone · 14/12/2017 13:40

No present means no present of any kind. Why can't people listen to what is being asked and respect it.

Original poster
ElenaBothari · 14/12/2017 13:44

I'd love to take the 3 year old out (she's a great kid!) but she's not doing play dates by herself yet so really I'd be offering to take the mum and her out somewhere?

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 14/12/2017 13:48

But it isn't actually known it's a storage thing? What if they're a bit stretched for money and worry if they get given presents they'd feel obligated to reciprocate to everyone? This would of course apply to vouchers too.

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