For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

FWIW, OP when I moved to another city for a while as a second jobber with a toddler, we rented an ex-LA house in a very mixed community and it was noticeable that people did make their own assumptions based on my saying "I work at X institution". Some assumed I was a cleaner, some assumed admin, some assumed professional and a few didn't assume but asked. People do project a lot based on their own internal data, especially if you're an unknown quantity and new in town.

I'd say snobbish rather than snobby.

I like 'snobbery'. It's like rubbery

As you can see, OP, when you tell people that you're a researcher or academic, you risk setting off some MASSIVE INFERIORITY COMPLEXES which, only, will come out as typo criticisms and grammar nazi behaviour, but in real life, will result in sullen, hot silence while people process how they feel now they perceive you to be better than them.

Reverse snobbery is alive and can be very ugly in this country. I have personal experience so OP probably YANBU from me

Laiste

I know a few people who have genuinely ... humbling? ... jobs and roles in life and you know what? They are the most easy going,
easy to talk to people.

Patronising, much?

Why do you live in a predominantly working class area, if you are an academic, unless your subject is Sociology? Lol

Lol

That's not being "cool" No break It's being normal. Just like It's normal on occasion to say FFS to the Registrar when he's eye rolling about the idiocy of certain academics. Anyway my lads are overdue their elevensies.

@RoseWhiteTips

I meant 'snobby' as a characteristic of someone who's, perhaps, innately snobbish. But, really, as far as the topic is concerned, it doesn't matter much. Thank you for pointing that out, regardless.

Laiste

I know a few people who have genuinely ...humbling? ... jobs and roles in life and* you know what? They are the most easy going,
easy to talk to people.

Patronising, much?

OP both DH and I are both lecturers.

We live in a fairly deprived area of a big Northern city and get on just fine at the school gate! It’s probably just you, you do sound a bit of a dick.

Quick note to whoever said lecturing was less qualified teaching. Do me a favour, I’ve an undergraduate degree, 2 masters, higher ed teaching qual and a PhD.

wherethevioletsgrow don't worry, I know that. Just think that's the general perception of lecturers sadly!

I still don't understand the working class in the gutter comment. How are the working class, homogeneously, in the gutter moreso than anyone else?

A LOT of Tory support comes from the working classes, particularly the self employed

Obviously not in English with those typos like.

There's a difference between genuinely being friends with people of all classes and having a healthy professional relationship with the tradespeople working for you.

True. They might also be inwardly snorting at people trying to be 'down with the plumbers', including saying their husband works 'up London' (because obvs they would be all intimidated if they knew the truth). I know I would be.

OP, is this a genuine question or is MN your area of research?

@LemonShark According to the link you posted I'm Established Middle Class! No actually I'm not. I own my house and have varied interests and I am friends with people from all walks of life but I am working class.

My parents.....working class
Me..... working class
DS at Uni studying Theoretical Physics.... very clever Working Class but Working Class all the same ( and always will be) oh and he speaks beautifully!

@RaindropsAndSparkles

Believe me, sometimes I swear like there's no tomorrow.

Although, normal maybe relative. If I speak with you I'll probably think you're normal simply because you're in line - more or less - with my way of thinking, behaving...etc. Others may think you're a complete weirdo!

‘Academic’ isn’t a job, IMO, it’s a sector. It doesn’t actually tell anyone what you do.

‘I’m a scientist’
‘I’m an academic scientist’
‘I’m a research scientist’

So OP, you’re an academic what? People will respond better to ‘I’m a historian’ than ‘I’m an academic’.

SuddenBeetE

Obviously not in English with those typos like.

Are you referring to your own previous post?

@Knittedfairies

Do you mean if I want a genuine advice or I'm simply using the responses as a source of empirical data for my research?

Patronising to whom rose? It's the truth. In reference to the common denominator theory mentioned earlier (meaning that it's the OP who is the problem) i'm saying I've never been stunned into silence myself. I'm uneducated working class and I know people who are the total opposite and I'm not stunned by them. Who am i patronising by saying that?

@MaidOfStars

Yes, 'academic' is generic.

I don't get the class system in the UK. So you say it is not determined by job then? Does that mean it is determined by birth? So if my parents were working class, I will always be working class? Even if I now work in a professional job and have a degree?

I grew up in a country where thankfully there is not a class system. Objectively speaking, my parents are working class- both came from homes where there was not a lot of money and neither of them went to university. However, they were both intelligent people and we were encouraged to read a lot and we were also raised to be bilingual. At the same time, we had little money and certainly didn't mix with lawyers/bankers or go to private school etc. I went to university as did my siblings. Am I middle-class? If so, how can it not be related to my job and income when my family is not middle class? If not, what class am I?

Eltonjohnssyrup huge swathes of the working class are left wing

Similarly OP, there are many working class academics. We're not thrown by it.

Baffling thread.

Maybe just say "I work at a university".

Some people get intimidated really easily.

What is this MN thing of posters insisting that because they or their circle don't think/say/feel/do X thing, then no one does or could?