Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
LightastheBreeze · 16/12/2017 09:48

The chutney looks quite nice if its one of those from JL, I would buy him a cheeseboard and crackers for his present

pollymere · 16/12/2017 10:20

I've bought my dh a hard drive for Christmas. Mostly because I never know what to buy him and everyone buys him gifts that he doesn't want or need. He has bought me dreadful presents in the past but bought me something I saw and loved this year. Our main issue in the past is that he would spend little on something I didn't want whilst I spent time and money trying to get the perfect gift. If you adored chutney then the price possibly wouldn't matter but it feels doubly insulting that so little is spent on something you don't like. I think you actually need to say "I hope that my real present is hidden away as you know I don't like chutney, don't you?" Now! Not on Christmas day. I've had to do this, and it's not as horrible as it sounds. I've also joked that he must have got the perfume and jewellery for his mistress as he's spent so little on me (I'm not mercenary but when you've bought them a laptop you do expect something worth more than £10 in return).

pollymere · 16/12/2017 10:27

Btw, just having done several Secret Santa buys for £10 for the various SS my family seem to be in, you can get some truly lovely things with that budget. It's buying something that you would actually like that's the issue. (And I did the SS shopping in JL with a promotional discount...)

babycow38 · 16/12/2017 14:36

I'm more shocked that they are selling Branston pickle for £16!!! Seriously, who buys shite like this, just because it's in a crap festive tin doesn't take away from the fact it's still a jar of BranstonHmmHmm

RaeCJ82 · 16/12/2017 14:50

Buying my own present and wrapping it would just piss me off. It's like giving in to the fact that they can't be bothered to use their brain to think of something that you might like. It lets them off the hook and encourages the "can't be arsed" attitude. Not good enough!

PieAndPumpkins · 16/12/2017 17:45

Do you guys socialise throughout the year? Drink alcohol? Eat takeaway? Smoke? Take part in work secret santas / christmas parties?£10 is pathetic, why don't you budget even a couple pound a month and you could get a decent gift for each other? If it's important to you - which it sounds like it is - then set some different expectations to your husband who is obviously clueless.

humblesims · 16/12/2017 18:06

Dont have time to RTWT but it reminded me of when my STBDH bought me a massive wicker basket thing with a padded silk cushion thing in the bottom with a selection of bathroomy things in like a hairbrush and some soap and a loofah in. I'm sure it also had straw or raffia or something in there too. I realised quite quickly in our relationship that he has not the figgiest clue what to buy for his nearest and dearest. So, I tell him what I want and avoid the pain (on both sides).

JanKind · 17/12/2017 11:54

I love chutneys. You said it. He bought them. Trying saying you love something else and see what happens. Too much pressure at Christmas. Suck it up OP

RaeCJ82 · 17/12/2017 13:34

Oh come on, too much pressure? He's a grown man. I think he should realise that just because some says they like chutney does not mean that they want it as their only Christmas present. A stocking stuffer maybe. It just takes a little bit of thought.

ravenmum · 17/12/2017 15:02

I can't see any Branston in the pictures, looks like various "artisan" style concoctions. The one behind the door is "Cheese Maker's Pickle, 335g - bursting with rhubarb, plums, blackcurrants, carrot and onion. A great companion for Wensleydale or other smooth and crumbly cheeses".

PoorYorick · 17/12/2017 18:40

I think he should realise that just because some says they like chutney does not mean that they want it as their only Christmas present.

If the agreed limit is £10 in total, I don't see why it's unreasonable.

FlashTheSloth · 17/12/2017 21:05

Exactly PoorYorick. I have learned that if I ever say I liked a particular film as a child or just one I enjoyed watching, I have to follow it up with "but I don't want to own it" as DH will inevitably buy it for my birthday or Christmas as he feels the need to own every film even though he never watches them on DVD. I rarely even watch films. We have hundreds of the bloody things and he watches the same few or watches them when they happen to be on TV, with adverts!

FlashTheSloth · 17/12/2017 21:07

Sorry Yorick, just realised you were actually disagreeing with another PP. I actually agree with that quote. Saying you like something isn't the same as wanting it as a present. I love eating pretzels but I don't want them as a present.

ChasedByBees · 17/12/2017 21:19

Did you speak with him OP?

PoorYorick · 17/12/2017 22:20

Well, if there was no gift limit then yeah, it seems a bit crap on its own. But the agreed limit is a tenner and one gift. So if you say you like film X, and I'm on that limit, I might well buy you the film because you've said you like it and it's not as though I'm going to be able to get you the moon on a stick.

I know it's been said before, but in this case I think it really depends on what the guy's like for the rest of the year. If he's usually a decent, kind, giving person then you can put it down to being shit at gifts. Some people just are, gifts don't have the same significance to them as they have to others. (I have a relative like this and it doesn't bother me. I know he's well meaning.) If he's usually miserly and uncaring, then the gift is the symptom of a wider problem.

Madwoman5 · 18/12/2017 00:24

Mine has been out all day at the nearby city centre and came back with ..........a card. I created a wishlist which has been ignored and he is working up to christmas eve. I have spent hours choosing and buying gifts for his family, my family and our children as well as organising food, birthday and anniversary gifts (all in the last month before xmas). He has to buy for one person. One. If he buys me bloody thorntons again, I will be filing for divorce in the new year. I hate thorntons with a vengeance. Mind you, a multi pack of shitty chutneys comes close.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/12/2017 00:27

I have spent hours choosing and buying gifts for his family

Why? I have no idea if my husband sends gifts or cards to his family. It is up to him if he does, not my problem.

ColonelJackONeil · 18/12/2017 09:39

I know I said LTB earlier but I'm starting to come round to the Dh way of thinking a bit. He thought she agreed to the £10 budget. OP said she wanted "small luxuries" and likes pickles. Well these are small luxury pickles. This might not show the greatest insight into what she likes but it also seems she doesn't really tell him what she would like. She never said she thinks £10 is too low a budget for presents for example.
Overall I just think OP and her Dh have a very different idea of what presents mean to them. She sees them as being a sign of how much the giver thinks of you and a big luxury gift he could barely afford would mean a lot to her. He sees it as a bit of fun and he would probably rather choose things he wants for himself and get a good bargain. It might be hard to reconcile the two points of view.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 19/12/2017 11:34

Hang on. Another gift from DH for me has appeared under the tree. This time I have no idea what it is, but I am feeling more hopeful.

OP posts:
ZigZagandDustin · 19/12/2017 11:36

Aw shit. We're going to have to wait to Christmas to find out now. Can you have a quick peek inside for our sake?

ZigZagandDustin · 19/12/2017 11:37

I bet it's crackers! Please be crackers!

Justmuddlingalong · 19/12/2017 11:44

Are you filled with excitement and hope OP? I am, on your behalf. Please let it be something fabulous! Please let it be something fabulous! Please let it be something fabulous!

Frogletmamma · 19/12/2017 11:51

Is your DH a secret Mumsnet follower? Maybe he has responded to our criticisms?

Justmuddlingalong · 19/12/2017 11:53

Sounds like he's got himself out of a pickle. Badoom tish.

LightastheBreeze · 19/12/2017 12:38

There’s not a small gift in the fridge is there, maybe a good cheese