AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

[lilypoppet]

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

I just want DH to ravish me.

I always thought it was ravage.

I don't really know what chutney is, but the consensus seems to be that it's not a good present, so I will go with the crowd and say you are not being unreasonable.

Did he buy Branston pickle? My understanding was that he'd bought one of those artisan chutney sets from John Lewis.

I just want DH to ravish me

Cover yourself in chutney

At least you get a present more than I'll get from my hubby!

Why?

That’s a good idea! I think I’ve a jar of branston lurking about in the back of the fridge

We all write a Christmas list with things ewe like and you get to pick a couple of things to buy. I have some idea of what I am getting but at least I know that I'll like it. Maybe try that in future.

Maybe his plan is to smother you in chutney and ravage/ravish you '50 shades style'?

One year my dad got my mum a shredder. There divorced now.

I’ve looked at the set on John Lewis web site, UANBU it’s pure shite. Ok as a stocking filler, so buy yourself something, wrap it and place under the tree. At least on Christmas morn you’ll have something to look forward to.

strangelookingparasite
He doesn't do presents, despite me telling him over and over that I like little things to open.

Why is it so difficult (for mainly men) to buy a nice present for their OH? It's so disappointing when you get a shitty present and you've put a load of effort in thinking about what they'd really like.

It must be this cost £16 originally, read the review
www.johnlewis.com/cottage-delight-the-cheese-deli-755g/p3272177#tabinfo-ratings

Lightas
Had a look. It’s the sort of thing, which would end up as a raffle prize at School.

Are you going to tell him or be a martyr??

Chutney isnt a great gift. But is he otherwise a good, kind loving partner who is supportive? Does he really listen?
If that is the case- and you havent spoken directly about what you would like- it's too early to call the divorce lawyers.
I too spent years squirrelling away wonderful, personal gifts for DH that were received with awe and delight. ( because I listened and bought stuff he said he wanted over the year or were to do with his interests eg a special book from his childhood, handmade kilt in family tartan, grandfathers medals re ribboned and mounted) My gifts have included a pair of wellies which never arrived and a snow shovel for boot of car- two seperate years.
Yes it hurts when your gift is done without thought. But you have options still.
You can be upfront and say something now ( so change can happen) or be upset again on christmas day.

In my limited 21 years of married life and in conversations with many friends ( and so not a sweeping sexist generalisation) most men hate gift buying because it is difficult and they are afraid of f#cking it up for the person they love. They panic and buy awful gifts. DH truely would like it if I just gave him a direct list of choices..with the shops or online links then he could relax knowing they were at least in the right ballpark with your gift.
Have that conversation with your partner. He's probably clueless. One food gift is just like another right? Like all clothing gifts are the same right? Like she likes flowers right- doesnt matter what sort or for.what occasion or where they come from....so garage flowers for birthdays are ok so theyll be ok for mothers day too right...you said you liked flowers...right?
My hubby didnt.understand that " chuck yourself some flowers in, why doncha, Love" whilst doing the weekly shop was not the same as a beautiful handtied bouquet from the florist " just because You deserve it love and I love you". To him " flowers were flowers".
Tell him you havent finished his gift shopping yet and time is short. Get him to write a list for you and you'll do the same for him to avoid wasting time and money on a gift neither of you would hate...
It isnt romantic or subtle...but it might help him and you. If he has form for cr#p gifts he needs help. You deserve better and you need to help him dothat. Subtle hints were wasted.on my own dh. Even direct comments like " I'd really love this for xmas" were not logged in dh brain because." that was back in october love...I wasnt really thinking about christmas then"
I do believe that gift giving is skill that some people naturally have and others can learn. Dont say nothing and be angry or upset on xmas day. Have that conversation. If you still get chutney after saying" heres some ideas for.my xmas gift...cos otherwise you might get.me a jar of jam or chutney for xmas and that would be a bit a sh#t..and I'd hate it. It would show you really hadnt thought about me as a person at all" then YANBU at all.

I got a mug for our 20th wedding anniversary. I can’t even use it as the handle became wobbly not long after I received it.

My dh gives me very thoughtful presents when it's not a birthday or Christmas but he can't seem to grasp the whole gift giving on special occasions, one birthday I was given an oversized gift bag inside was a Toblerone not even wrapped 🙄

We started writing lists of what we'd like then we would choose items from the list so we knew we were getting something we liked but didn't know what. Could you do something like that? I'd get your dh a pack of golf balls completely useless (if he doesn't play golf)

Some people are better than others at present buying, but several years into a relationship he could/should have learned that it is important to you, and therefore make the effort. Especially galling that MIL gets preferential treatment. Hope he enjoys his crackers

The chutney is the exact sort of thing I used to buy my grandparents when I was younger, BHS used to sell similar, I used to have absolutely no clue what to get.

I can tell you’re angry and rightly so, but I think you should raise it with him now and give him an opportunity to right his MASSIVE mistake rather than allow yourself to fester over this and then create hostility on Xmas day...do let us know if the chutneys were just a ruse and really he has a good surprise hidden away

I always buy my own presents and then say to my hubby I’ve bought myself X,Y,Z from you for Christmas! He’s happy because he didn’t get it wrong, I’m happy because it’s what I like and the correct size!
If I were you, I’d buy something for myself and present it to him saying ‘I thought I’d save you the trouble of having to get something!!!’

Pinch his woolly hat for yourself. Not a euphemism.

My husband is shit at buying presents after a few years of being seriously pissed off I either tell him exactly what I want, buy it myself and he wraps it or we buy a joint present together (we got a picture for the house one year). It’s never very expensive but I’ve come to the point where I realise he just doesn’t know what to buy, it’s not his strong point and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. Good luck, I’d open the chutneys early and tell him he needs to go shopping again...quckly’

I would be quite pleased with that chutney as a Christmas present. I would be more pleased if it came with some nice cheeses and crackers, but wouldn't be upset to get it on its own.

"MASSIVE mistake" zestyflower, really?! OP got him a woolly hat.. Both token gifts with little effort.

I'll swap my husband for your chutney.......!!!!!