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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 15/12/2017 18:38

I spend the entire YEAR pointing out things to my OH. He was even going to buy me some particular boots at a show (except they didn't have my size, I'd chosen them and wanted them and was prepared to pay for them but he said he'd pay instead, only there weren't any size 6 boo). So. Will he find a pair of boots for Christmas for me? Will he buy that necklace I gushed over in the shop window we looked in today? Will he get me that jumper I was fondling in another shop, saying 'gosh, look, they've even got it in my favourite colour here, look, and in my size! Isn't that amazing?'

No. He will flap about until two days before Christmas and then panic order something. If he's really thinking, he'll ask DD3 what I might like. DD3 who hasn't lived at home for four years and probably has no better idea than him.

If he'd only LISTEN, he'd be fine! And I think this is a lot of people's problems. Their OH is telling them, very clearly what they'd like. But, because it isn't yet Christmas-Eve-Panic-Buy-Time, they don't pay attention, they are busy thinking about what they want to buy for themselves.

KendalMintCakey · 15/12/2017 18:39

God, I'd like chutney!

Truzza · 15/12/2017 18:43

Omg really is that it???? Chutney???

This is exactly why I send detailed lists, boring but at least you get what you’d actually use and like.

Julie8008 · 15/12/2017 19:01

You agree a budget of £10 each, he says he would like a woolly hat and you get him one. You say you like pickles and he gets you a gift set of chutneys.

I think you have no one to blame but yourself.

manicmij · 15/12/2017 19:04

Perhaps it's something to cover up for a real present he has for you. If you are positive this is your main gift just get some fancy cheese now, open a bottle of wine and just say you think it would be good to try out the chutney before you share with family/guests at Christmas. Make him think your understanding is that it is a condiment he thought would be good for Christmas.

IJustLostTheGame · 15/12/2017 19:11

Rewrite the label to him and buy your own present to yourself.

tillytrotter1 · 15/12/2017 19:12

I was given a chocolate orange for my 50th by himself. He knows I loathe orange flavoured chocolate, his mother gave me one every year, as well as a well stuffed envelope, and he finished up with it! For my 60th I got a digital SLR camera, so he seemed to recall the frosty reception!.
One year looking round Waterstones just before Christmas I indicated a book and said, Whatever you get, I don't want that. Fast forward to Christmas morning, there it was. His excuse Oh, I remember you mentioned it.

JustAnIdiot · 15/12/2017 19:24

I like chutney - I really like it - & don't mind it as a stocking-filler but not as the main present.

After many years of sorting out PIL's present & getting a hamper from a local deli, filled with all sorts of goodies that they would enjoy but would never buy for themselves, goodies that I'd chosen myself, to be wrapped up & sent by the shop, it became DH's job last year for the first time.

It became his job because MIL was spectacularly & unforgivably rude to me at a family gathering last autumn.

He bought a hamper, but just rushed in & grabbed one with very little attention to what was actually in it. I'm sure they liked it, but there was no personal touch. Same this year - it looks nice, but dull. I've tried making suggestions, but he can't be bothered to make any more effort.

rackhampearl · 15/12/2017 19:26

I just want DH to ravish me. Fuck the presents. I just want the D! Grin

GabsAlot · 15/12/2017 19:35

does it really matter

my dh never surprised me if i want somthing i tell him-thy dont think th way we do

GinandGingerBeer · 15/12/2017 19:35

ShockThat is absolutely shite.
The £10 limit doesn't help though, Christ we spent that in secret Santa at work and my recipient got a very thoughtful gift.
Tell him to up his game the tight wad.
It's not just that though, it kinda sums up how important you are to him doesn't it?
I'd sooner scoop em out into the bin than let him taste any Angry

haveacupoftea · 15/12/2017 19:37

Is anyone else wondering if OP checks DHs pockets would she find a gold necklace, convince herself it was for her and then on Christmas morning he hands her...the chutney Xmas Shock

Rowgtfc72 · 15/12/2017 19:44

You should bring it round mine, dh has bought me a tenner worth of different cheeses. I did request them though. That's the difference.

runwalkrun · 15/12/2017 19:48

Ugh, I would hate chutney as a a present.
It's an awful present.

catwithflowers · 15/12/2017 20:07

I tried to surprise my partner for several years with lovely, and often expensive, things I thought he would like. I learned the hard way ("darling, do you still have the receipt?") that this wasn't a good idea. Now I follow the Amazon wish list to the letter. No surprises but it makes for a much less stressful Christmas. Maybe you could suggest the same to your husband 😊😊🎄

Draylon · 15/12/2017 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mermaid67 · 15/12/2017 20:10

At least you get a present more than I'll get from my hubby!

wednesdayswench · 15/12/2017 20:12

Why don't you buy the exact same set of chutneys and display it in the kitchen.

'Ooh look DH, I bought us some chutney to go with the cheeseboard on Christmas Day, I thought you'd enjoy them and they were dead cheap with my discount card'

Drknittingfrog · 15/12/2017 20:19

Actually I think you are being harsh... Saying that you like pickles and that it's all about the small luxuries... Together with the price limit? If that was my hubby I would be getting the very same little house! From his point of view it is thoughtful and well observed. I love foodie presents and I can't be the only one. Get yourself what you want and enjoy it... Trust me some men are clueless and you need to send your Santa list to ensure you will get what you want :) so take a step back and appreciate that he tried to listen and pay attention. How much he spent on his mum is not relevant if you agreed to the budget limit (which I think it's very low and agree with other posters that 50 would be more reasonable)...

Imabadmummy · 15/12/2017 20:28

I am rubbish at present buying....Not because I'm lazy, but forgetful.

I will think oh must make a note if my mum or sister were to say they liked something then forget and spend weeks trying to figure out what it was and then do the last min panic buy thing.....and I'm a woman!

I know my DH struggles for things for me so I tend to buy myself a few things I want and give them to him to wrap.
This way I know it's something I want and will use.

Though I do love cheese and chutney so provided the posh chutney came with nice cheese and crackers I think I would be cool with that....but if your not in to food then I'm guessing you wouldn't enjoy it.

ginteresting · 15/12/2017 20:29

I agree with pp's sentiment but the Op hates her present, and is disappointed. She's asking for advice for how she rectifies the situation or if she should suck it up. I think she needs to tell her husband what she wants for Christmas, because like mine, he's terrible at it and has totally misread why she appreciates.

ginteresting · 15/12/2017 20:30

What not why

user1485778793 · 15/12/2017 20:34

Swap the labels!

BuzzKillington · 15/12/2017 20:36

I just read the OP out to the teenager and even he said, 'omg, rubbish'. Grin

PoorYorick · 15/12/2017 20:41

My husband loves chutney, especially artisan ones. If I had only a tenner to spend, I might well get him this. I think foodis a good present. It'll definitely be used and enjoyed and no crap to collect dust.

Clearly not everyone feels this way but my point is that some people do, and it's not necessarily a sign of thoughtlessness.