Essex Police helping women to stay with abusers

[Allthecoolkids]

AIBU to think this is a really really shit poster??

I can’t link to it but they posted it to FB this afternoon.

So many women on here alone being abused.... they make a thread about it but say 'I'm not leaving him, I just need some help/advice'

They won't leave. No matter how much support Women’s aid could give

So this is next best thing

Bloody awful poster.

I agree with Sirzy though. Sadly there are so many women who will run scared when they are told "leave". Women who will never leave, because for whatever reason, what's on the outside will always be scarier than the devil they know.

The poster is STILL fucking awful though. They could have presented the same message in a better way, rather than having Sheila and her creepy abusive husband standing grinning as though it's all hunky dory and water under the bridge, just because he's finally stopped smacking her around and agreed to let her go to the bingo once a year.

'Leave or stay together safely'.

There's no such thing as staying safely with an abusive man, nor leaving in some cases, just ask the family of Lance Hart.

This isn’t masterminded or funded but Essex Police they are passing on a message by one of their partner agencies whilst using also using it to add their contact number.

It's absolutely true that some women will never leave, but it's not true that they can stay safely. It's a dangerous, stupid message.

Also the campaign rightly points out domestic violence in many forms and relationships, female offender, same sex, family member, mental health

What the actual fuck!!

It also gives the message that abusers can change. And look how happy they all are. For most people who face abuse this is the last thing they should be told.

A police officer/ social worker/ health visitor, etc is just another person telling a woman what to do, much like an abuser. Who do you trust when you have been conditioned? Put a bit of control back. This is a support mechanism to help the victim make informed choices.

Thinking you stay safely with an abusive man is not an informed choice.

I presume this is about building trust with victims so that they dont feel thst if they stay with an abuser they cant turn to the police later on

I see a lot of people saying its awful but not one single person answering my question on how you help women who choose to stay.

It's easy to complain, less easy to help.

It also gives the message that abusers can change. And look how happy they all are. For most people who face abuse this is the last thing they should be told.

Exactly. It's so damn inappropriate with the plastic smiles and Essex Police claiming victims have found "happiness" staying with their abusers.

WTF?! So many things wrong with that. Not least if you look at the examples you'd think that women were as likely as men to be perpetrator.

Essex Police don't do anything when you do end the relationship with evidence so what are they going to do to help these women?

Ridingwindhorses I think rhe message is intended to persuade those women who do stay to keep a relationship with the police...

I’m getting annoyed with posters putting down the 1950’s.

I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and it was wonderful. Our dads' supported their families and our mums’ were there for us all day long - if we needed them. I remember standing on a chair on her baking day, helping her roll pastry and make cakes. Monday she did her washing and once again I helped.

We listened to the wireless with mum and it was marvelous.

And we watched;

We weren’t dumped off at a day care, baby sitters, nurseries (whatever they are).

We played outside until teatime and then again until bedtime in the summer. We felt safe and secure. We roamed the fields and woods, building forts, riding our bikes, fishing with our little nets in ponds and streams for sticklebacks and tadpoles. We formed gangs of little kids and had played cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers or whatever came to mind. We sorted out the bullies ourselves.

My mum got a job once the youngest was in school, but was always home when we got home from school.

Reading mums net I have come to the conclusion many more women today are stressed out and very unhappy.

I thought the point of feminism was that women should be allowed to make their own choices? If a woman, particularly someone who has reached the age of 65 as per the ad, has decided she wants to stay in her marriage, then I think it is commendable that there is support to help her do it. As the ad implies this is not support for her to continue to be smacked around but instead to end the abuse and ensure safety.

Why should support for women be contingent on them making the "correct" (as deemed by Mumsnet) choice? That way lies dangerous territory.

Thanks for that Charolais but as well as being nothing to do with the thread its also utter bollocks no matter what you meant.

Charolais, great for you but the reference to the 50's alludes to a different attitude towards women in terms of law. It was still OK to rape your wife then because, you know...she was your wife and sex was expected.

I worked for a dv project that had floating support workers called 'staying put' who were supported in their own homes, given advice about safety and so on as not all women are ready or will ever leave the perpetrator

Charolais’ post reminds me of a Facebook meme.

I think it's telling that they've chosen an older couple as I think people in older age groups are a lot more likely to be ideologically opposed to divorce. If DV starts after retirement 40 years into a marriage then it's a different kettle of fish. Ditto members of some ethnic minorities. If someone genuinely believes a split will send them to hell or they will lose their entire community and possibly grown up children because they see DV as less bad than leaving a marriage people wouldn't go.

I really don't think people in those situations should be ignored because they don't fit into a stereotypical narrative.

But I agree the smiley pic takes it a bit too far.

It's your Tory Government who are at fault.
Theyre the ones cutting services to women's aid.