Essex Police helping women to stay with abusers

[Allthecoolkids]

AIBU to think this is a really really shit poster??

I can’t link to it but they posted it to FB this afternoon.

Do you know that women don't call Womens Aid because they think the only advice they will get is to leave? (Its not). They won't call the police becasue they think they can only get help if they get a barring order?

I don't know if this is misguided or what, but I do know that giving out the message that the only acceptable answer to DV is to leave is incredibly dismissive of how people actually behave, and totally unhe;pful to those in DV relationships.

Another one agreeing with Sirzy - I can imagine it is completely frustrating for the Police to be called out numerous times to someone violent and yet the partner returns. I think it is - unfortunately - realistic rather than trivialising it. I wish it wasn't.

Seems pretty dangerous to suggest that it's possible to be with an abuser 'safely'. That's the wrong word to use and can give people dangerous expectations. If they'd said 'with more support' or 'less dangerously' I think it'd be okay.

Isn't the campaign aimed at older victims where dementia may be a contributing factor?

Older women very rarely leave long term DV relationships. As a demographic, the over 65's will stay until they die. on the whole.
Should they do it in the dark so as not to upset our ideas of what people should do?

It's an incredibly complicated area. I can see how this seems appalling, on the face of it, but try and see underneath. When you have a group of women suffering from DV who are very unlikely to access services like refuge, what do you do?

I am puzzled as to how it's possible to stay safely in an abusive relationship.

As a social worker I can categorically say that these protests are damaging I’m shocked.

I cannot help but think this "initiative" has a lot to do with cuts to police funding. And was masterminded by a man.

Exceedingly pleased to be moving back to Essex tomorrow (yippee!) and even more so that I'm not taking a miserable bastard with me.

Sadly I think it is probably actually more of a realistic reflection on the fact they know no matter what a lot of abuse victims will not be convinced to leave.

This. I have read many, many threads where women are with/have been with an abuser and have posted for advice but then, sadly, said he's not an abuser or not that bad at all and so have stayed with him 'because they love him' even though he patently doesn't love them and treats them like a piece of shit.

I am puzzled as to how it's possible to stay safely in an abusive relationship

Well, if you have someone who is in an abusive relationship and is staying, would you rather try and help them to stay safe or would you say fuck this, I'm not interested in you as you're not doing what I think you should?

Scurry that's what I thought at first. Caring for a partner who is violent/abusive due to dementia etc. I didn't see it as a DV thing per se.

Come to think of it and reading the comments, I don't actually know what to think of it.

Chocolate, what if the victim refuses to make a statement or refuses to come to court, or give evidence. The system depends on cooperation of the victim so the Slogan we ll press charges is meaningless

Saw this and was

Curry, I've heard officers suggest Police should withdraw support for an uncooperative victim. They just don't get it. Any support is better than no support.

Safe for whom?

But you don't get support even when you do cooperate from Essex Police.

Have you complained Topbitch? If you are unhappy with the investigation then you have every right to challenge it.

Exactly scurry. Those of us who work in this area know that the one guiding principle is to "meet the woman where they are". You NEVER try and force your own ideas on her and you never tell her what she must do. You meet her where she is and support her in her process.
And if that sometimes means support to stay, that is what it means.

Chocolates statement is still more along the lines of what I’d like to see, though.

No, we won’t tolerate it. No, it isn’t acceptable. That doesn’t mean forcing someone to leave, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us have to tolerate it either.

scurry

I did put in a right to review and Essex Police upheld the original decision.

So frustrating when my 12 yr old dd gets scared when someone knocks on the door (we don't answer unless expecting someone now) and my 15 yr old ds has bad dreams still.

This isn't about not estranging those victims who don't want to leave.

This poster actively encourages victims to stay - those who might otherwise have left. Because it suggests that it can all be okay and their abuser can stop abusing, and it also piles on the guilt that they aren't as willing to make it work as fucking Sheila, 65.

Jesus. This is not okay.

It says - "Leave or stay..." It is vital that women who for whatever reason will not leave -(or not yet) - have help. I think it is brilliant.

I have worked with people who are in all sorts of messes. Easy to say "Do this or that" but they won't. There is help to leave but if they won't then what do we do? Abandon them? Or deal with the situation as it is?

Alcoholics should give up drinking. Fat people should stop eating so much. Smokers should stop smoking. But they won't. In the meantime we treat them as they are.

This poster actively encourages victims to stay - those who might otherwise have left

I don't think it does, at all.

But if you think it should not be allowed, what help do you propose to give older women who are staying in DV relationships? None?

Essex police have a very poor record on dv. And multiple IPCC investigations (not just on dv)

But forget for a moment who put the poster up.

Are women who choose to stay in DV relationships, often vulnerable elderly women, not worthy of help?