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AIBU?

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Original poster

Essex Police helping women to stay with abusers

235 replies

Allthecoolkids · 13/12/2017 16:50

AIBU to think this is a really really shit poster??

I can’t link to it but they posted it to FB this afternoon.

Essex Police helping women to stay with abusers
OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/12/2017 16:52

Sadly I think it is probably actually more of a realistic reflection on the fact they know no matter what a lot of abuse victims will not be convinced to leave.

wildbluebelles · 13/12/2017 16:53

Jesus. That is horrible. Have we been transported back to the 1950s? How on earth is she 'safe' in her relationship when her husband has abused her to the extent that the police were called? I can't understand why they would post this message.

Chchchchangeabout · 13/12/2017 16:54

I think Sirzy may be right.

Battleax · 13/12/2017 16:54

WTF? There is no "safely" with a violent man.

What do they mean by "safely"? And what the HELL is that photograph all about? AngryConfused

x2boys · 13/12/2017 16:54

Well you can't force people to leave abusive partners can you ? But you might help the abusers be less abusive ?

Chchchchangeabout · 13/12/2017 16:55

But somewhere like Women's Aid would know whether this is carefully targeted or just wrong.

mrsharrison · 13/12/2017 16:55

Budget cuts to Womens Aid has led to this.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 13/12/2017 16:55

Trust me, Essex Police do nothing about domestic abuse.

I have photos, a witness who heard me. My ex admitted to hitting me twice, claimed self defence but had no evidence, didn't leave immediately but slept on my sofa and continued his assault the next morning.
The photos show it was not self defence.

Essex Police didn't even take it to the CPS and decided to let him go with 'no further action'.

They have no idea.

x2boys · 13/12/2017 16:55

And I'm no way diminishing domestic violence but if someone refuses to leave what can you do?

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 13/12/2017 16:56

I think they are saying, we can still help you even if you know you won’t leave.

MattBerrysHair · 13/12/2017 16:56

How the hell does that work? Confused

wildbluebelles · 13/12/2017 16:56

Sadly I think it is probably actually more of a realistic reflection on the fact they know no matter what a lot of abuse victims will not be convinced to leave

True, but to have a smiling woman who is now 'safe' with her abuser and everything is hunky-dory may make a victim think 'oh, it's not all that bad and it's probably a one off'. We all know that DV is very rarely a one off and will escalate. It's patently incorrect to suggest that she is safe with her husband if he has attacked her in the past.

Battleax · 13/12/2017 16:57

And I'm no way diminishing domestic violence but if someone refuses to leave what can you do?

You can talk about "harm minimisation" in that scenario, not "safety".

hamptonhangingpork · 13/12/2017 16:57

What Sirzy says.

With all the cuts, domestic violence ties up so many resources. I read somewhere it can take someone more than seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Think about how many call outs, arrests and collapsing cases because the victim withdraws their statement etc that would entail.

And now the government wants to reduce funding for refuges.

Toblernone · 13/12/2017 16:57

Working in this area can say some people are not ready to leave a relationship even if it's escalated so much police are involved. If you make it black and white and say 'you must leave' or nothing it puts them at more risk. Sad as it is there needs to be help in that middle ground, keeping women safe while they stay with their abusers until, hopefully, they are ready to leave. It looks disturbing, I won't argue that at all, but it's keeping women safer.

Toblernone · 13/12/2017 16:57

Working in this area can say some people are not ready to leave a relationship even if it's escalated so much police are involved. If you make it black and white and say 'you must leave' or nothing it puts them at more risk. Sad as it is there needs to be help in that middle ground, keeping women safe while they stay with their abusers until, hopefully, they are ready to leave. It looks disturbing, I won't argue that at all, but it's keeping women safer.

Rachie1973 · 13/12/2017 16:59

I'm a HUGE supporter of the police, coming from a family of officers. However, Essex Police are a nightmare quite frankly.

I'm helping a friend who has been abused for several years at the moment, who finally got strong enough to LTB. He's snatched the home, the child and is using the police to wage a campaign against this poor girl and they can't or wont see it.

hamptonhangingpork · 13/12/2017 17:00

Btw, topbitch is right.

Essex police refuse to investigate lots of things. They even downgraded an attempted burglary (I chased the man off) to criminal damage and downgraded criminal damage and vandalism to anti social behaviour on another occasion.

They have desk investigators in Chelmsford who do fuck all.

Perfect storm.

curryforbreakfast · 13/12/2017 17:01

A lot of women choose not to leave, they choose to try and make it better and stay.
Are you saying that they should not be given any support, that the only help available should be to leave? Because a lot of women feel that they can't ask for any help when they do not want to make that choice.

CrestedTit · 13/12/2017 17:02

This is where the post is from:

www.livingwellessex.org/55-plus/

PersianCatLady · 13/12/2017 17:02

Am I right, Sheila's husband abuses her but Essex Police have made it all so safe for her that they can smile about it in the photo?

TopBitchoftheWitches · 13/12/2017 17:02

I ended my relationship the first time he hit me.

Essex Police still did nothing !

wildbluebelles · 13/12/2017 17:02

I do understand that many women refuse to leave their abusers. But this is really not helpful. It paints DV as something more trivial than what it is- something that relationships can recover from. These messages do play an important part. If DV is seen as completely unacceptable, more women will leave abusive relationships, even if they don't do it the first time. Saying it is OK and safe for women to stay in relationships like this means that more of them will end up like the over 100 women who are killed by current or former partners every year.

chocolatestrawberries · 13/12/2017 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Battleax · 13/12/2017 17:05

Of course they should be given support curry, but "safely" is a completely inappropriate word (and so is that Stannah stairlift advert of a picture.)