“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

[PinkJeggings]

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

We don’t have children but buy only for the children in our family.
It’s never occurred to me that I’m being stiffed.

actually, only buying for the children, means no problems in my extended family now the are all over 18

Maybe, but who has the warped attitude? The person who buys three sets of carefully-selected presents and cards twice every year, or the person who, while at the supermarket checkout, picks up a random gift voucher for a shop the recipient doesn't ever use?

Well, the former does so expecting something in return, remember. So I'd say both, tbh.

Not really. I get no benefit from the random Postman Pat figures SIL gave DS.

So if no one gave your children presents, you wouldn't feel put out by that? Because you get no benefit, right?

I have no kids and in would never dream of not buying my nieces and nephews. There is a lot of selfish mean people on here. If you are poor, you don't need to spend a fortune. Just a small gift. Pound shop if you must.

"i think it is a silly idea.
the children grow up.
then what?"

Then you stop buying for them. They grow out of it. You still buy for your own kids and soon after that point you probably have grandkids to start buying for. I certainly wouldn't expect my old-aged parents to be buying gifts for all their siblings, nieces, nephews, kids (me) AND grandkids!

DP has 12 nieces & nephews and I have 1 nephew. We are childfree and don’t plan on ever having children so we lay down the rules when it came to Xmas and ‘only buying kids’.

We don’t buy any of them Xmas presents.

We do however buy them all a birthday present.

Therefore we aren’t out the cost of 16 gifts at Xmas.

My DS wasn’t happy when her baby was born and there was loads of pressure for a token gift but I maintained that all of them would be treated the same.

I always buy for anyone who doesn’t have children who buys for my DS. It’s rude otherwise!

PlayingGrownUp

I think that's sensible enough whether you have kids or not, really. I notice it especially because my DS was born close to Christmas, so I think asking family not to buy him 2 gifts would be a good idea. He gets enough from us at Christmas anyway.

I am pretty shocked by this.

It would never have occurred to me not to buy presents for my nieces and nephews just because I didn't have children myself yet.

If you really don't want to buy them presents then don't OP. Just sit there empty handed, they will love it

I would save my money if I were you.

Tell them that the "presents" come in the form of the generous lifestyle-based tax credits provided by your childfree labour.

A lot of Grinchy attitude on this thread.

I don't think OP was saying she wouldn't buy for her nieces and nephews, nor that she doesn't enjoy giving them presents and soaking up all the joy from seeing them open them - more musing over the fact that it's a bit thoughtless that her family is left out due to not having any kids in the mix as yet.

It is pretty thoughtless to impose a 'let's buy for just the kids' rule if one of the families has no kids.

I expect they all used to buy gifts for each other, back before anyone had kids but were still adults - so it's also unreasonable to trot out this 'Christmas is for kids' tripe.

It would never have occurred to me not to buy presents for my nieces and nephews just because I didn't have children myself yet

would it have occurred to your family not to buy you presents because you don't have children? because that's what the situation is here.

And some of us, either sadly or willingly, will never have children and maybe some aunts/uncles felt a bit more up for this scenario when they thought they didn't have children YET but less well-disposed to the idea with the gutting realisation that they never will.

Whats to bet that if you did have kids youd get the "not doing presents this year dont buy for us and we womt buy for you/cutting down on chrismas gifts and you didn't make it on important list".

I've got children but my siblings are married. My brother decreed one year that we would only buy for the kids but that meant that the adults in couples had gifts from each other, the kids had presents and I had naff all. I don't agree with its just for kids. I've got childfree friends (not by choice ) who decides Christmas isn't for them?

So if no one gave your children presents, you wouldn't feel put out by that? Because you get no benefit, right?

In general, no. I don't expect things for them, just as I don't expect things for myself. If there was blatant unfairness - e.g. A relative with a shared connection between my DC and DNs gave the DNs something in front of my DC, I'd possibly privately feel a bit annoyed that they did that right in front of them. But that's a specific circumstance.

I don't think yabu can't they chip in a couple of quid each and buy you a 5in of biscuits or something, just to give you something and make you feel a little bit more like your gifts are appreciated.

Nobody is 'not buying you presents because you don't have children' that's a rediculous comment. The OP is not being bought presents because no adults are getting pressies.

....Maybe to make it fair the OP should be bought a peppa pig playhouse.

I've always bought for my nephews and niece and never got anything in return (I'm childless). After reading this I feel a bit hard done by!!!

We have 17 kids to buy for and my DH's DC who lives a few hundred miles away is forgotten about by the majority of both of our families out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

I have to pay for all the gifts because DH is a much lower earner and I get diddly squat back even though I have no kids or my own.

We have no kids of our own and buy for 10 neices and nephews, spent about 50 each and dont get much, if anything in return but i wouldnt change it as i love them and would rather their parents spent their money on them not us.

Used to do adults too but stopped couple years ago.

not rtft but I'd be pissed off... I'd be suggesting a secret santa type affair instead. Not even secret necessarily, but all names in a hat, kids and adults, and everyone buys for one person, be that kid or adult. Say £50 budget. Kids only need one gift from extended family as they will also be getting gifts from their parents...

If it was me I'd buy all the kids the same small selection box every year. Easy, cheap, noone gets upset. But YANBU, this is thoughtless of the adults.

We bought presents for nephews and nieces before we had our own and didn’t worry about getting something in return.
My beef was always with my BIL who “couldn’t afford to spend much on yours because I have 4 children “ yet we were buying for those same 4 children!

You are being ridiculous for typing 'rediculous' in all seriousness.

Presents for children are presents for their parents too, which is precisely why some parents are put out at the idea that child-free people do not need or want to participate in a "kids only" gift-giving scenario.