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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

451 replies

PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 14:56

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 13/12/2017 17:39

I do think the parents are being unfair, we only switched to buy only for children when everyone had them! That said, if you were buying for everyone, you would be buying 5 child presents and 6 adult presents. So this is the cheaper option for you and at least you can then get yourself something you want with the money you saved.

DiegoMadonna · 13/12/2017 17:41

I don't give to receive, but - fuck it - why should I spend three times as much on her family, with two earners, just because I've had the misfortune not to have been able to have children?

To make the kids happy??

God, there are some people on here with some really warped attitudes about gift-giving.

iboughtsnowboots · 13/12/2017 17:44

We buy gifts for child free couple in our family that are of higher value than the child families so that each family unit gets roughly the same value given to them. I think gifts are a very longstanding type of social transaction.

manicinsomniac · 13/12/2017 17:47

YANBU in theory but in reality you'd be shooting yourself in the foot to mention it because, unless you could really stand the awkwardness of being the only adults to get presents, then you'll end up feeling you have to buy for all the children and the adults so you'll have to spend twice the money.

Although, I do like the idea of the children in the family 'buying' something for you instead of their parents - that could make it work.

manicinsomniac · 13/12/2017 17:48

Do you actually want presents? Go ahead and ask. I cant imagine anything worse, but your call

You must have a ... limited ... imagination! Grin

Creature2017 · 13/12/2017 17:49

As Christmas is about God and giving not receiving you are the absolute winners here!
Why do you want stuff anyway? Materialism just makes people unhappy.

Cantuccit · 13/12/2017 17:49

DiegoMadonna So it's perfectly fine for people to ask for expensive presents for their kids and others should suck it up to make kids happy? Because that is what GrandDesespoir described.

NopeNotMe · 13/12/2017 17:55

Op, I get what you're saying. In our lot, we've been buying presents for both adults and kids for years. With MC after MC, we still have no children and sadly never will.

Despite our finances only being a smidgen of theirs, we've still made efforts to continue with this.... Until my 'Dear' SIL (who has now joined in the breeding) announced by email just 4 days before last Christmas 'let's not bother with adult gifts and just get the kids' then listed what her DS would like. Xmas Hmm

A return email then appeared from someone saying, no problem, but already got everything sorted for this year, so won't be able to get your DS anything from the list. It went very quiet. Then us adults did receive a hastily wrapped candle from the cheap supermarket over the road. A week later. Mmm.

Xmas Biscuit to DSIL Grin for this and a long line of CF shenanigans!

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 17:56

Why do you want stuff anyway? Materialism just makes people unhappy.

Speak for yourself, I love stuff.

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 17:57

dont know many adults who buy gifts for all their siblings and in-laws at Christmas tbh.

I don't know anyone who doesn't.

PurpleDaisies · 13/12/2017 17:58

Why do you want stuff anyway? Materialism just makes people unhappy.

You don’t feel happy if someone buys you a really thoughtful present? Confused

LivLemler · 13/12/2017 18:01

I don't like the idea of each family having roughly the same spent on them. That just means out that the children with lots of siblings lose out compared to their cousins from smaller families.

I prefer that each child has roughly the same amount spent on them, and each adult has roughly the same amount too (which I personally am fine with being zero).

TheHolidayArmadillo · 13/12/2017 18:02

But buying for someone's children is sort of a gift to them too.

Not really. I get no benefit from the random Postman Pat figures SIL gave DS. Neither does she get any benefit or enjoyment from the train set we bought DN. It's like saying a gift for BIL on his birthday is sort of like a gift for her too. Except she's unlikely to wear his jumper.

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 18:02

"You dont want stuff anyway"
Ive heard that before, from parents who send you wishlists for their kids that has nothing under £60 on it!

PaintingByNumbers · 13/12/2017 18:04

Nah, I dont have a limited imagination, unlike the gift givers of random shite from the xmas aisles. Lets face it, if the shops were crammed full of thoughtful gifts that might suggest most people give thoughtful gifts. As it is, its not the recipients who have limited imaginations.
(I hate receiving gifts, if this isnt clear :) I earn money, i'm not a child, I buy stuff if I want or need it, tbh most people I know feel the same, with a few people who seem to like exchanging bottles of prosecco - pointless, but whatever)

Creature2017 · 13/12/2017 18:05

We are all different. I genuinely do not want any presents ever. I am not making that up. It is just how I am. I would be surprised if I were to get a single present on my birthday coming up or for Christmas and I am very happy about that.

MeadowHay · 13/12/2017 18:07

I think YABU but I love buying gifts for kids, find it so much easier and love seeing them so happy opening their presents when they're little at least. This wouldn't bother me at all personally. I mean at the moment DH and I are buying for three cousins who are under-18 and we won't recieve anything back from at least one of them's parents but that wouldn't stop me buying them a present cos the present is for them not their parents and it's to make them smile not so I can get something in return. Of our 'generation' none of us have kids yet though, we will be the first it seems as I'm pregnant atm. Maybe I will change my mind in future idk. Having said that, if people don't buy our future kid Xmas presents, I won't be arsed either so I guess it works both ways really for me. I don't expect Christmas presents from anyone and won't expect them for the baby. I just like to buy presents for kids in the family anyways.

ZigZagandDustin · 13/12/2017 18:08

I just don't get it. Regardless of whether adults are exchanging gifts, surely you'd still give nieces and nephews a gift because, you know, they're kids. And they exist as individuals no matter what couple they belong to. Or does each child's value diminish depending on how many siblings they have?

PaintingByNumbers · 13/12/2017 18:08

I do try to keep people happy so the ones who bizarrely appear to like random shite do indeed get presents

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 18:09

"Presents are materialistic and unnecessary" can only ring true if you dont buy for adults OR kids.
Youre contradicting yourself if you apply it to buying for kids but not adults.

Equimum · 13/12/2017 18:12

Like others, we amend the rule depending on whether people have kids or not. So, my brothers are a lot older than me and one has grown-up children. I have always bought for my childless brother and his his partner. While my other brother’s children were young, I bought for them, but not for him or his wife. Since his children have turned 18, I have bought for their parents (I.e. DB & SIL). Both DBS now buy for each other, but they buy for our young children and do not give DH or I anything. This seems to work fairly here, and everyone is happy.

DiegoMadonna · 13/12/2017 18:14

Agreed, ZigZag. I have one DC and I my brother has three. Should I demand that my brother gives me and OH gifts too, as they're only buying one gift for our household, while we're buying three for theirs?

What a load of shit. I used to buy gifts for all 5 of them, then they suggested we stop doing adult ones and I was so relieved because it saves me £60-100. I don't care about not receiving as much as I spend because I'm a well-adjusted and reasonable adult.

DiegoMadonna · 13/12/2017 18:15

Youre contradicting yourself if you apply it to buying for kids but not adults.

The major difference is that adults should be expected to understand that concept, and kids are not.

GrandDesespoir · 13/12/2017 18:15

I don't give to receive, but - fuck it - why should I spend three times as much on her family, with two earners, just because I've had the misfortune not to have been able to have children?

To make the kids happy?? God, there are some people on here with some really warped attitudes about gift-giving.

Maybe, but who has the warped attitude? The person who buys three sets of carefully-selected presents and cards twice every year, or the person who, while at the supermarket checkout, picks up a random gift voucher for a shop the recipient doesn't ever use?

Slartybartfast · 13/12/2017 18:18

i think it is a silly idea.
the children grow up.
then what?

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