“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

[PinkJeggings]

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

The only adults we buy for are my sister and BIL (no kids), they're the only people who buy us gifts. Everyone else just buys for kids in the family.

One of my aunts has 6 children, others in the family have just 1 or 2. I can remember that when we were younger the parents used to have a system where they each put in £XX amount for every child they had into a Christmas fund, then it was somehow divided up between all the children so one large gift was bought for each child from all the aunts and uncles. It basically meant that the couples with less children didn't end up forking out loads when they had far fewer children.
Could you suggest something like this and then maybe you guys could just put in a small set amount towards it as a token?

We spend a set amount per family unit, so those with children get smaller presents, I think that's quite fair - particularly as the childless couple aren't childless by choice. It's £40 per family, suggested by one of my brothersand agreed by the rest of us.

Since we live a way from each other and aren't always up to date with what everyone's into (especially the teenagers) the rule is you load up an amazon wishlist with too many things in the right price range so that the others can pick and choose - that way you get both something you'd like but still a surprise IYSWIM.

Works nicely for us.

If you’re planning to have kids at some point, surely there will be a time where your kids are getting gifts from your siblings but your nieces and nephews have graduated to the pool of adults-who-don’t-get-gifts.

That happened to me - I had kids later, and now my kids get presents from their aunts and uncles, while my nieces and nephews are off at university or work and don’t get Christmas presents any more.

I suppose it depends on whether you trust your family to be in it for the long game. Personally I don’t want for much, so I give gifts because I want to, not because I’m going to get something back in return.

Yanbu to feel a bit sad. We buy for our nieces and nephews and not their parents, but siblings with no kids still get a gift.

When I got married, my in-laws all had children aged from 5-14. We bought them all presents but received none because the family agreement was to just buy for the children.
By the time ours were born, their kids were having children of their own, so ours get nothing because they just want to give to their own grandchildren.
I am not at all bitter. Oh no, not me.

To be honest I could deal with that as I'm fed up of more stuff.
But they could always get you a gift from the kids as that seems fair.

YANBU

Also gifts are rociprical arent they? Theyre exchanged, so I wouldnt let my kids TAKE gifts from aunties & uncles without ever giving

I think it’s a bit mean of them TBH. I’d be embarrassed to accept gifts on behalf of DC if I wasn’t giving anything in return. For those without children, I’d give a small thoughtful gift to the couple, as a recognition of thanks.

My sister-in-law spends £X.00 (voucher, so I know the amount) on me each Christmas and birthday. She has three children. Her latest suggestion for one of her children was a present that cost £X.00. My reaction (not visible to her, as suggestion sent by text) was:

I don't give to receive, but - fuck it - why should I spend three times as much on her family, with two earners, just because I've had the misfortune not to have been able to have children?

Thermostat police - I was kidding, I promise. My DNs are all pre-teen and I do a lot of cooking with them (I am a trained chef) but always keep a batch that I have prepared to one side for adult tasters that has not been touched by their hands, as I never trust there not to be a quick nose-pick or some such when I'm not looking. Their parents obviously feel differently about their offerings but then they've wiped the kids' arses, cleaned up their vomit and let them sleep in the beds etc. so are inevitably a lot more exposed to their bodily fluids.

This very afternoon I have been helping two of them who are off sick make (non-food) Christmas presents for their parents in order to help establish lack of entitlement, so do agree with the principle of your message... but the "only buying for kids" is shitty for the child-free adults in the family, no matter which way you look at it, irrespective of whether the kids themselves are "entitled/spoilt" or not. And that is even without touching on infertility/lack of partner with whom to TTC.

We are the child-free couple amongst husband's family, and I have convinced them to only buy for kids this year, as none of the adults ever want/need anything.

I certainly hope they don't feel the need to buy us random crap on this basis, as the whole point was to stop it. Was very happy to buy for kids on that basis.

I've got so many excellent CF/tight git present stories actually - assume there is many a thread on that topic already though? Classics?

And we get nothing back in return!

Gifts are not a transaction imo, and therefore YABU.

We do the same - kids only - and it stops at 18. So we buy for 4 nieces and nephews, and ostensibly get "nothing back in return". But we do get something back - hearing about the pleasure they have had from what we've given.

They're all lovely kids and we get emails, texts, pics etc that we love receiving and that show how much they appreciate their presents.

Thats different Whitney if its by mutual agreement. Usually its not, at best you get "informed". At worse you dont get told at all its just decided by the GPs and the parents of the oldest cousins, so you arrive with armfulls for everyone and leave with fuck all

Gifts are not a transaction imo in which case no one should bat an eyelid when auntie and uncle don't buy a single thing for the family's DC.

Im sorry but since we get our annual invite to my parents for the pre christmas "gift exchange" I dont think its UR to expect gifts to be exchanged both ways!

We do this, plus a Secret Santa for the grownups. So you'd buy one more present each but at least you'd also receive a present each :-)

p.s. are you my sister?!

@mirialis spill the stories here! may make some of the 'won't anyone think of the children' posters think again

So basically what we are say is that if you don't have children yourself you shouldn't be expected to buy a gift for your nieces and nephews. That's basically it.

OP if you don't want to buy for your nieces and nephews then don't.

We used to do this in our family... when a couple didn’t have children we bought for the couple but as soon as they had kids we bought only for the kids..regardless of how many .

I'm childless and buy for my DNs but not DB and SIL. They do always send me and DH a hamper or something but this year I've asked them not to as they're moving house and I know money is tight and I genuinely don't mind. I might feel differently if I had lots of DNs though!

My half sister is 11 years older than me so had her children way before we did. We never had a conversation, but the way it happened was i bought for the dn's and DSis bought me a gift from them (always lovely smellies). Then when i had dc she stopped giving me a gift and gave to the dc. I was really grateful of the gift as they usually saw me round to next xmas and they were always really nice stuff. I think it's a bit rude not to give something back.

My Mums side only buy for children in the family till they are 18.

Gifts are not a transaction imo, and therefore YABU

100% this. You don't need anything in return. We buy the kids gifts because they bloody love it and they can't just go out and buy the things they want whenever they feel like it, like adults can.

I dont know many adults who buy gifts for all their siblings and in-laws at Christmas tbh.