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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

451 replies

PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 14:56

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

OP posts:
Easilyflattered · 14/12/2017 17:44

We just buy for kids too. Until all couples had kids the childfree couples used to get wine or daft socks in return from the kids.

To be honest as an adult I don't expect much present wise anymore, I generally just treat myself to something in the January sales. The pleasure is meant to be in the giving.

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2017 17:45

YANBU OP this is just mean. I would not agree to it.

BuzzKillington · 14/12/2017 17:46

Blimey op! You sound very parsimonious. You don't give with the expectation of something in return.

Christmas is about the kids.

Madsy1990 · 14/12/2017 17:47

Why are so many people receiving shit they don't want? In my family we discuss what we actually need/want and always end up with stuff we aren't going to chuck in the bin after 2 weeks. Anyway OP, I'd stick to token gifts! Five kids adds up pretty bloody pricey, even with just 1 gift each.

tangerino · 14/12/2017 17:47

I have this debate with my SIL (no kids) every year but the other way round- she buys for my kids but not for me and H. I buy something for her in return. She then objects that she isn’t buying for my kids in order to get something back but because they are her niece and nephew and she’s like to give them a present.

I can sort of see both sides but know that, if I were in my SIL’a shoes, I’d feel as she does. You give for the joy of giving not to get something back. If that’s not reason enough then don’t give in the first place.

Having said that, I think I’m probably out of step with most of Mumsnet on this stuff and find anything that smacks of wanting your money’s worth really dreadful (see also giving adults cash- I’m cringing in embarrassment just typing it).

Dizzylin · 14/12/2017 17:48

We have this rule, however, we still buy for DS and BIL because they don't have children. On the other hand isn't Christmas about giving not receiving.

User11011 · 14/12/2017 17:49

My suggestion would be don't buy for the kids this year. See what happens.

SuspiciouslyMinded · 14/12/2017 17:49

I find it weird that a grown-up might sulk because of no Christmas pressie. Everyone knows Santa comes to children only.

Allthetuppences · 14/12/2017 17:51

I don't get the problem. Do you like these children? The point of gift giving is. Well. Giving. If you expect reciprocation you're doing it wrong.

SuperPug · 14/12/2017 17:52

No, Christmas isn't just about kids. What a ridiculous statement.
Couples without children? People who have lost children? You do realise that anyone can celebrate and enjoy Christmas? Hmm
I agree with you OK. It is mean (something you could use, tickets etc., something even made by kids would be thoughtful) but this is often overlooked and other people are supposed to somehow accept it.

SuperPug · 14/12/2017 17:52

OP not OK.

Punstow61 · 14/12/2017 17:53

My siblings are all married, I have 4 nephews, 8 nieces and 1 great niece. I became an aunt when I was 7. Over the years I've spent a lot of money on them which I've been happy to do. I love them very much. My family is super and I love spending time with them and I'm a sucker for Christmas. It's been years since the siblings stopped buying for each other but they all buy for me, birthday and Christmas. And I appreciate it so much. I would be so sad if I didn't get some gifts at Christmas but it's not about the money. A notebook or a pair of socks would do. It's family and caring about each other that matters. I think it's sucky they don't buy you anything.

worrierandwine · 14/12/2017 17:53

Haven’t RTFT but we bought for only neices and nephews when they were kids. Once they turned 18 I stopped buying for them and went back to buying for sister-in-law. I have another sis-in-law who doesn’t have kids so I buy for her and partner. I think the kid only rule should only stand if you have kids, if there are no kids then you should be bought for.

roundtable · 14/12/2017 17:56

We just buy for kids on my side of the family too. However, a brother doesn't have kids so we all buy him and his girlfriend a gift because that's fair! We also buy for our mum and dad.

Yanbu at all.

Mildred007 · 14/12/2017 17:59

We also have this rule but I have always bought presents from my 3dc for my siblings who have no children until they have had their own. I'd feel awful if they were spending their money on mine and getting nothing in return, particularly as we have 3! I also buy presents for all grandparents as they spend on our children too. YANBU. It is in the spirit of giving. Yes we don't give to receive but when you're spending lots of money on people whether children or not, it's nice to be considered and thought of.

Farrar · 14/12/2017 18:01

We buy for our nephews and nieces (6 of them in 2 separate families) but not for the adults. WE (a couple) receive 2 presents back in return each.

Next year, we'll have our own child so I don't know how that will change things (because it will be 3 vs 1) but we'll see!

You should definitely receive presents in return!

smellybeanpole · 14/12/2017 18:03

Next year we will be doing the same. But for adults who don’t have kids. They will be getting something of course. A bottle of wine or chocolates.

canonlydoblue · 14/12/2017 18:06

Its five kids. They're your nieces and nephews. Why wouldn't you buy them a gift. Set a £5 budget if you must.

SuspiciouslyMinded · 14/12/2017 18:13

SuperPug, Christmas is not just about kids, but moaning about presents strikes me as extremely childish.

Fuckitletshavevino · 14/12/2017 18:15

Me and my 2 sisters have children and our brother doesn’t so we buy for him. It was the same before I had my son. My sisters would buy for me. I always told them not to because my gift was the faces of the kids but secretly I loved getting presents as well. Yanbu. Even if it’s a little bath set from Tesco for £5 or a bottle of wine

PoohBearsHole · 14/12/2017 18:18

Well in years gone by before dh and dc I used to buy for siblings/oh/dh etc at one point a total of 15!!!!!!! All different families so a joint gift was impossible. £10 p/h approx and I would receive a joint present from all of them (about£20) it wasn't that I was grabby but I was trying to save up for a home and earning very little. £150 I often felt wasted on tat because I couldn't afford anything more.

Anyway those days of feeling bitter are thankfully long gone Roll forward and we have the family budget and it is generous to get something wanted. We have to only buy for 1 family and rotate families each year.

Braeburns · 14/12/2017 18:22

I would actually prefer my kids don't get more presents - we have a big extended family and one year it was just ridiculous. The adults do a secret santa type game but now the kids are part of that too so we thought it would stop. But got told last week that there will be kids presents too so now have to buy for cousins at last minute (so less thought than I'd like to have put into it).

lovemylover · 14/12/2017 18:22

I only buy for the children now, but anyone who doesn't have children will get something, so Yanbu
I think if people without children buy for others children its only fair they do get something back

Fanciedachange17 · 14/12/2017 18:25

YABU. If you resent giving then don't do it. The DC will probably not notice (although their parents will). You don't have to go along with consumerism just because the common perception is so.
Buy presents during the year spontaneously or as and when the urge strikes but please don't come on here to moan you are not getting anything.

katseyes7 · 14/12/2017 18:27

My now ex-sister-in-law pulled this stunt years ago. We'd spent about £40 on both birthday and Christmas for her daughter, and we got nothing back. With the comment "when you have kids, we'll buy for them." She knew damn fine we weren't going to have children, and l was furious. My ex thought the sun shone out of her and behaved like it was totally acceptable. We didn't even get a pet stocking for our two dogs. After that l told him he could pay for her presents, on principle. l gave an equal amount to a good cause instead.